Post # 1
I know there have been so many posts about this… but I guess i am just looking for personalized advice… I am 24 and have a very unique last name… while he has a VERY common last name. I am very connected to my culture through my last name and i get very upset just thinking about changing it. Hypenation would sound awful with the two names. He gets pretty offended and upset if I bring up my hesitation to change it. Help!!!
Post # 3
Not married yet, but I can’t wait to take his last name!
My last name is so lame, hard to pronounce, and I was made fun of in school for it [the only thing I was ever made fun of for! ARG!].
His last name is Shelton.. simple & well known!
Post # 4
A name is not your culture. You do not need a name to be deeply rooted in your culture. Your blood roots you, your participation roots you.
If you don’t want to change your name, don’t. You will not be losing your individuality by changing your name, nor will you be doing a disservice to or losing your culture in any way, shape or form.
Post # 5
I didn’t mind changing my name. I’ve never felt particularly attached to it, and DH’s family name has such great tradition behind it. I also wanted us and any children to all share a single last name. HOWEVER, I don’t think anyone should feel pressured into changing it. If you are distraught, then you and FI need to compromise–hyphenate, change it legally, but not in common use (or vice versa), or something else.
Post # 6
I love my last name and it is also attached to my professional career (attorney). I’m taking FI’s last name and making my maiden name my middle name. perhaps that’s an option for you?
Post # 7
I had zero qualms about changing my name until I went to actually do it. I have a very traditional Welsh last name and now I have a very traditional Hispanic last name and I am white as a cloud. Oh man. Not gonna lie, it blew hard. But at the end of the day I did not change. And now I don’t think twice when I say my last name. It’s just that — a name.
But, if you’re dead set against it, I would just keep it. It’s very common nowadays!
Post # 8
If you’re bothered by it, don’t change it. Explain to him that it doesn’t signify a lack of commitment to the marriage or anything — just that you like your name the way it sounds. He can call you Mrs. Last Name as a pet name.
Post # 9
@thundersvine: I also had a unique last name that easily identified my cultural heritage. I loved it. My new last name is very common. Despite that, I love my new last name because I love my husband and it was very important to both of us that I take his name. You’ll get used to it and probably learn to love it.
Post # 10
Only change your name if you want to. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it if you don’t want to.
I hyphenated (as did my husband… socially) but we’re both still known by our unmarried names in some circumstances).
Post # 11
I am kind of sad about changing my last name, too. Both of us have kind of weird last names…but I like mine better. 🙁 But I will be changing mine. It is a hands down must-do for him.
Post # 12
I always joke with people and say that I went from one bad last name to another. 🙂
I changed mine and am fine with the new one, although it saddens me that my maiden name won’t continue on in our family (or at all).
Post # 13
@thundersvine: I’m in the same boat. I’m pondering hyphenating or using my maiden name at work but legally changing to his name. sigh. his name is just so jewish generic.
Post # 14
I’m kind of attached to my last name but it’s important to me to have the same last name as my husband. I’m losing my middle name and changing my maiden name to my middle name, that way I have both! I’m not particularly attached to my middle name
Post # 15
Not married yet, but I’ve decided I’m going to hyphenate, even though both of our last names are 9 letters long.
I’m highly educated (Dr. MaidenName) and have published papers under my maiden name, but want to share a name with my SO and our future children. So, I’ll hyphenate and be Dr. MaidenName in my professional life, and Mrs. HisLastName in our social life.
Post # 16
Changed it, I’m neither happy or sad.