Ditching the BMs

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s your wedding.  Dump them. If you think they can behave themselves for one day, then go through with it but, if not, get rid of them.  Or dump #4.  Obviously, if she won’t eat lunch with you, it wasn’t meant to be.  If you decide to pick and choose who to dump, I wouldn’t dump my sister.  Yeah, maybe she is being a jerk but you don’t know if she might come around.  And then, it will always be a point of contention that you dumped her from the wedding.

I went through the same thing and had to dump one of my BM’s over a misunderstanding about a shower that got extremely out of control.  I doubt we will ever speak again.  Good luck.

Post # 4
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Get rid of number four but don’t get rid of your sister.  She’s your sister even if she is being a jerk and family is family.  Can you get a parent or other sibling involved to mediate?

Post # 6
412 posts
Helper bee

@chippybee:  +1 you wont regret ditching No. 4. You may well regret ditching your sister. That’ll kinda ruin your relationship for ever.

I say dump 4, keep other 3, have your FI keep all his groomsmen.

Post # 7
3217 posts
Sugar bee

If you are going to ditch anyone (though know doing so is a friendship ending move), you absolutely must reimburse them for any money they have spent on dress etc.

Personally, this is I think the punishment you get for picking someone you are not close with.  What did you think was going to happen?

Post # 8
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I really understand where you’re coming from with the BMs. I also chose people that I was close to, and even though they were carefully selected, 2 out of 6 completely changed on me, and my former MOH and best friend started treating me like s***! Don’t beat yourself up, first of all, because weddings really can make some girls jealous, upset, sad, etc. and even they might surprise themselves. I don’t necessarily think you need to get rid of anyone (hell, you’re less than 3 months out), but if I were you, I’d start planning my own parties and inviting additional friends to celebrate with you, so it’s not just you and the 4 BMs. That’s kind of what I’m doing for my bachelorette and I’m way more excited about it now 🙂 Whatever you decide, good luck, and don’t let them get you down!

Post # 9
2323 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ali-x:  Aww the drunken BM request, I got so close to doing that and really felt the wiz of the bullet I dodged as it sailed by, I’m sorry you’re stuck hon.  Unless you’re perfectly content with removing something from your life entirely I wouldn’t remove them from the bridal party 9 weeks out.  Also BM 4 sounds like the popular choice to ditch but it seems she hasn’t done anything negative to you, maybe she’s legitimately busy?

Your youngest sister, gosh I don’t know, did she really enjoy the wedding process when she got married?  Is her marriage not going swimmingly right now?  It’s odd to think of an already married lady being jealous of someone getting engaged but if she was the type to soak up the spotlight during her own wedding and maybe transitioned into a marriage that wasn’t as exciting as the wedding itself, she could be feeling jealous.

I vote to downplay their role.  Get ready with the people you want to be with, have them get ready on their own, let them walk down the aisle before you and that’s it.  You don’t need to set them apart in any other way.  I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!!

Post # 12
7030 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ali-x:  I think you should not ditch any BMs. Why? Because they’ve paid for the dresses, and by paying for the dresses they have demonstrated they are committed to your wedding; and that’s the one thing a BM really must do.

How along ago did they pay for the dresses?

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