(Closed) Dividing Holidays

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 4
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it’s fair to still split Christmas, it’s the biggest holiday out of it all. So it would be unfair to either to spend it only with one side. The rest of it is just the factor that you live closer to another.

I hear how you feel though when my ILs were here we spent 75% of holidays with them. I haven’t been home for my mom’s birthday in YEARS. I was going to fly back last year but then I got pregnant. πŸ™‚

We’ve decided for Christmas with the baby now that it’ll be every third year at home. I don’t want our children to associate holidays with being at everyone else’s house but their own home! What’s nice is when my ILS move back it’ll still be Christmas locally one year and Christmas in NYC one year. We’ll probably transition Christmas to our house instead of ILs since we have kids now.

Post # 6
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@PinkMagnolia:  

What we do is when we go see the ILs now (they live in GA) we usually spend a week. Just because we’re paying for the airfare already so why not stay longer?

But when we go spend Christmas with my family it’s only 3-4 days. We don’t usually end up taking extra days. It’s a 6hr drive so we do usually an average of 3 weekend trips a year. It still doesn’t feel enough. πŸ™ What’s nice is now that my nieces and nephews are older they are starting to come visit us. And with the baby now my mom will be coming more often too. πŸ™‚ Like 2 weeks ago for my shower my brother drove them up but he had to leave after the weekend because of work. So my mom and the kids stayed longer so we bought airfare for them to fly back.

Post # 7
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Since we just moved in together last summer, we split up our first Christmas a few months ago.  It was tiring!  It looked like this:

– wake up and have Christmas morning together

– spend some time at my parents’ house together

– FI goes to his parents’ house, I stay at my parents’ and have our Christmas morning and dinner

– I go to FI’s parents’ house after dinner to spend some time with them

– we go home together

We will probably do that again next year, but as soon as we have kids we’ve said that if people want to see us, they know where to find us.

I realize my situation is different since we live relatively close to our parents (only 3-5 cities apart), so to answer your question, yes I think it’s fair to split up the holidays and you can absolutely have some to yourselves!  I’d put my foot down if you end up having kids, though.  My mom said she used to ship the kids around from house to house and didn’t get a chance to enjoy Christmas very much so when my brothers were very little, she stopped and said people were welcome to come over.

 

Post # 9
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

And oh we also alternate Thanksgiving and CHristmas. So we always see each side around the “holidays”. ie This year we’ll be flying to GA to spend Christmas with the ILs but we’ll be going to NYC for Thanksgiving.

When my ILs were local we spent Easter together. But now that they’re not we just spend Easter at home. It’s not a big enough deal to fly to GA for it. And my family does not celebrate so we don’t drive there either.

If I were you I would maybe alternate the birthdays/Mother/Father’s Day. ie This year MIL birthday but Fathers Day. Next year FIL birthday but Mothers day. Granted that the dates are far enough apart to make sense.

Post # 10
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

DH is a teacher, so summer, Christmas and March Break are his only times to really get to see his family halfway across the country. Since we began dating and now married I always knew that until we had kids we would be with his family at Christmas. Thankully my family has been really awesome about that and giving me up at Christmastime, if DH had a different job it would be different, but really twice a year summer and Christmas are his best chances to see them. Other than that, everything is with my family, who are 20 minutes away.

I think I understand your families feelings, when it’s so limited as-is, unless you are spending Christmas at your home on neutral ground so to speak, I get their feelings. DH and I are very early into a pregnancy, but if all goes as planned we have already said next Christmas we won’t be going anywhere! Trade off for another time, but I think babies/kids totally change the holiday travel dynamic!

Post # 11
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Ugh, I feel your pain! Our parents all lived in different states, and my FI’s parents are divorced so we have extra family to visit. It’s very hard, and it seems like no matter how hard we try, we hurt someones feelings πŸ™

This is how we have spent the last 2 Christmas:

Christmas Eve: Hosted at our home for family that is visiting

Christmas morning:

Wake up in our house, open gifts, leave by 7am

Drive to one state to see my mom and family. Eat lunch leave by 2

Travel 2 hours to see FI’s mom and family, spend the afternoon and evening

Drive back to our state, and travel out of state the next day to see additional family

So we celebrate Christmas 4 times in 24 hours. It’s ridiculous and we wont be doing this when we have children.

Edit: We alternate Easter and Thanksgiving

Post # 12
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

We’ve figured this out! We think. We live pretty close to everyone, so the plan is Christmas Eve at his grandmother’s, home Christmas Eve night/Christmas morning, then his parents’ Christmas afternoon, and my parents’ Christmas night.

Well. Now that I’ve typed it out, that doesn’t make any sense at all. Guess we’ll have to look at it again. *sigh* πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@PinkMagnolia:  I know what you mean. I wanted to be at home Christmas morning so we could have our own holiday. But I love my SIL, and she’s only in town for Christmas, so to see her, I have to go to his parents’ house. And my mom is cool not seeing us as long as nobody else does either. She gets jealous, so if she hears we’re at IL’s house, she’ll want us at hers too. -_-

Post # 15
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@PinkMagnolia:  Could your parents travel to you for one of the holidays? That way you could spend time with them and your inlaws could visit as well.

We are slowly starting to host holidays are our house more often. It’s prety much an open invite to both sides. Like you, I was getting sick of traveling to everyone all the time. It’s exhausting and hard to enjoy the holidays when you are running around so much.

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