Division of chores — Is this even?

posted 2 years ago in Home
  • poll: Who does more work?
    Person A : (7 votes)
    16 %
    Person B : (11 votes)
    26 %
    Even : (25 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June, 2014

    titianjenn:  seems about even to me as far as the workload goes. Just seems like A has more “labor intensive” work.

    Post # 3
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee

    I agree with pp, person B does more “hard labor” but it seems to be more “weekly” while person A is more daily chores. It seems even on paper, but person b might burn out and find it unfair in the long run (at least I would if I was person b).

    Post # 4
    Member
    528 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC

    titianjenn:  I do most of the house work period. The outside work is done by FI, son and a gardner. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    titianjenn:  I would say person b does more because let’s face it – taking out the garbage takes a minute, lawns don’t need mowing *that* often (unless you have a massive yard and it snows a lot where you live) and cleaning the drains of hair does not need to be done that regularly (and again, takes a minute if done regularly) unless you are living with a yeti, lol.

    Post # 7
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June, 2014

    titianjenn:  isn’t that the worst? right now I’m (rightly) taking care of all the house stuff and all the cooking because DH works full time and I’m a SAHW for the summer. But it irritates me that I’m doing dishes after supper while he’s tinkering with his toys in the garage. Perhaps if you’re feeling burnt out you could swap chores for awhile?

    Post # 9
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

    It seems about even to me.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7395 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I personally don’t think it just comes downs to writing out a list of chores and dividing them. I think a lot of factors have to ve taken into consideration such as who works more hours, who has a longer commute etc.  i also think the frequency of chores and physical labour need to be consider as well. For example shovelling snow is a lot more physically demanding than dusting.

    Before we made a chores list we assigned weightings to each chore and then made sure at the end of the dividing we each reached the agreed upon number. So for us it was a 60/40 percentage because my husband works longer hours and has a much larger commute (30mins per day vs 2hrs per day).

    Post # 11
    Member
    6504 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it depends on how much each of you work. I also think it’s hard to form an opinion because I don’t know the size of your yard, how many bathrooms there are or how many loads of laundry need to be done per week (etc.). Honestly, if it snows a lot I think the person who got snow shoveling got the short end of the stick. You can’t usually plan too far ahead for this and you usually need to get up early to shovel before work (at least that’s how my neighborhood does it). Does person A also do all the leaf collection in the fall?

    This is why we decided a list didn’t work- we had a hard time making it “even.” If the laundry needs to be done, one of us notices and throws it in and we both fold. I work later so my husband starts dinner when I get home and I relax for a bit before joining him in the kitchen to help or do dishes. We typically clean together on weekends or, if he is working on my car (I’ve had a lot of issues recently) I’ll do the cleaning by myself. It took us a long time to adjust to doing chores like this and we got into a few arguments when I started working longer hours because he believed it should still be half and half (I didn’t).

    Since you think the distribution of chores is uneven I think you should talk to your partner. Be prepared to tell him how you think they should be split up, if he disagrees propose a trade for a few weeks.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I also don’t think it’s as easy as simply writing down a list of chores and trying to split it down the middle. Like others said, work hours, commute, etc. come into play.

    I also think a person’s expectations do as well. My husband doesn’t care about dusting. It’s like he doesn’t see it. If he were to be the duster, then there would be tons of little spots he would miss, and he is fine living like that. I have higher expectations, so therefore I just do the dusting.

    But something like the bathroom? I loathe cleaning the bathroom. My husband’s expectations for bathroom cleanliness line up with mine, so he does the bathroom. He also does things like empty the trash since that’s very black and white.

    So basically, because I have higher expectations when it comes to cleaning, I don’t think it is fair to burden my husband with such things. He still needs to be a reasonably clean person, of course. So when we split chores, he takes care of the things I care less about, the things we have equal expectations for, or things you can’t screw up (vacuuming, bathroom, taking out the trash). I take care of the things I’m anal about, like the kitchen and dusting. I do far more right now since I am not working. We’re both pretty happy with the division.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    we do this:

    DH:

    mows/weed whacks, vacuums all carpets, cleans all hardwoods and tiled floors, shovels snow, cooks 80% of time, makes bed almost daily

    Me:

    dusts, bathrooms, weeds garden, changes sheets, cleans dishes after meals when DH cooks (but usually he cleans up as he cooks), cleans kitchen and wipes down counters

    we each do our own laundry, though sometimes i do his

    this works for us,  i think he does more on a weekly basis since let’s say, he cleans the floors every week or every other, where i don’t dust as often as i should. 

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee

    titianjenn:  There’s actually an important task that’s missing from this list (and usually from most division of labour lists when someone’s wondering if it’s unfair). Organising. 

    For example, who pays the bills, keeps track of budgets, plans travel, plans menus (daily and for entertaining), plans shopping, writes the lists and determines logistics for weekly, monthly or yearly events like getting the car serviced, parent-teacher meetings or buying presents for parental birthdays? These are the kinds of tasks that are usually ‘invisible’ but take just as much as time and more mental energy than the other physical chores and how they’re divided is also pretty important. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee

    The age old ‘who does what’ agument. I think it comes down the couple and what works best for them and their life admin demands.

    SO and I have a cleaner that comes twice week and she takes care of most things. I do most of the organising around the home (food and cleaning product shopping, paying the bills, making sure the clothes are put away, watering the plants etc) and he does most the hard labour chores like changing light bulbs, washing the car, insurance, fixing things and anything involving the TV or internet etc. Mind you, we still argue over who’s turn it is to pay the cleaner but I’d rather have that argument than argue over dirty dishes and ironing. We both work full time and ofter we put in extra hours on the weekend as well, so any time we do have, we like to spend it together away from the strains of everyday life, rather than staying in and cleaning. We split the cooking down the middle and who ever cooks cleans up after.

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