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Oh crasheddreams I feel so sorry for you. Cheer up! For now focus on your album and make a routine. Join a gym, that always helps me when I get stuck in a "do nothing" phase. And it makes you feel great about yourself and so much more motivated! First focus on you, then on your relationship. Maybe you could go to a sextherapist or relationship therapist? That is if you want to work on the relationship. If not, then maybe you should have a talk with him and tell hime exactly how you feel and decide what to do from there. Don't feel so down! Keep your head up and try to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Good luck! 
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Great advice - yah focus on things you can completely control (yourself, working out, portion control, working more hours, etc.) rather than on things you don't (relationship, etc.). As you start to feel better about yourself, hopefully things will come together!!
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First, take a step back and take a deep deep breath. Second, I agree with the above posters, work a bit on getting yourself back into shape because you'll feel so much better. But, while you're doing that, there also needs to be work going on in the relationship. Have either of you actually stopped to really listen to what the other is saying? If not, now is a good time to start. You have to find out if both of you are willing to put the work in to make the marriage work. From what it sounds like it's going to be a lot of work, but not impossible if you're both committed.
Relationships are built on communication and understanding, if you don't have these, it's not going to go anywhere but down. Despite what society or wedding boards tell you, marriage is not all firey passion; it's about making a life partner, someone who you can work with and who will work with you, even when times get sticky. It's not easy. Also, you don't have to be madly in love to make a marriage work, in fact most people will find themselves thinking "What have I done?" or "Where did the love go?" somewhere along the line, yours just came a bit sooner. If you can make it through these spots, your relationship will only be stronger. On that note, don't worry about the sex now, it won't get good until you understand each other. But, it CAN get good, it's just going to take communication like everything else.
If you both want this to work, it can. Talk to each other, figure out if you do, then go to a counselor. There isn't anything wrong with asking for help and a professional marriage counselor might be able to help you two listen to each other and fix things.
I wish you the best! Stay strong!
Girl you need to get some counseling with that boy. He needs to get a real job. He can do this ebay stuff on the side but he needs to be contributing to the expenses and helping put. If he is a stay at home guy he should have the house clean and dinner (not grilled cheese) on the table for you. Do his parents engourage him to get a job?
Otherwise I agree with the ladies about focusing on your self some. Part of that is by removing some stress and the money thing is big. It is also what ruins most marriages. Ask him if he wants to make it work, if he does he needs to go out and get a job and contribute to the houshold income at least some. It sounds like he was a mechanic and they are always in demand. If doesn't want to work somone then why not start business going to people's houses to change thier oil abd airfilters. Maybe even rotate thier tires for them. All these things can be done at home and he could just bring the necesssary tools with him. Lots of people would love to be able to eat thier dinner while their car stuff is being done so that they don't have to wait.
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Is this for real? I'm sorry but it sounds to me like you both have major issues that you need to address...specifically you. You talk about him spending your money and how you can't make payments on your house and it's causing you stress but then you're going on and on about all the excessive things YOU are spending money on. No offense but it doesn't sound like you should have had a lavish wedding or a bachelorette party at the Playboy Mansion or a shower at the Four Seasons all with your OWN money. It sounds to me like most of the financial problems you have you created yourself. Of course it doesn't help that he won't get a job, and that's definitely not cool, but you need to curb your spending. You have three trips planned for this year that you HAVE to go on? Everyone has to make sacrifices and it's time you do that. You need to grow up and get it together. Marrying someone you didn't want to be with...someone you were cheating on mind you...was completely irresponsible and immature of you.
I'm probably going to get flack for "personal attacks" for posting my opinion on this but seriously?!
I think that you have a lot of things going on right now, and you need to reassess your priorities. Although I sympathize, I to some degree agree with 1008Bride. It sounds like you didn't really think things through before jumping into your marriage, and it sounded like you had your own stuff to sort out.
If you are serious about getting help, at this point, it might be best to seek out psychiatric help. You mention several times that you are depressed, and are really having a hard time getting yourself out of the situation. There is nothing wrong with talking to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist for help. Many people have difficulties in their life, and they find it helpful to have an objective third party to talk about things to. Although you mentioned "taking Paxil and some crap to stay calm," I doubt that you have had an adequate trial of antidepressant medication, nor have you had appropriate psychiatric help. These medications are not taken just when you need them - they only work if you take them regularly and follow-up with your doctor.
I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Still, I think talking to a professional about how you ended up in the situation might be the most useful at this time. In addition, I agree with everyone else on the marriage/couples counseling part.
Good luck. Please take care of yourself.
I have to bite my tongue to some degree. Maybe the pot smoking & the depression is not letting you think clearly, and you need to see a doctor. Once you are in a healthier state of mind, I think you seriously need to question your financial priorities. I know this wasn't the focus, but hearing that you might lose your house stressed me out for you! After the counseling, I highly recommend you get a legit debt counselor. Good luck!
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I agree with the last three replies. Especially 1008Bride. You and your husband had problems before you got married and didn't resolve them. Sounds like everything is great when your on trips and having fun but the opposite when you have bills to pay and money to save. Yeah you need a debt counselor, you rather save money for your album or wedding then pay your mortgage, and your husband won't get a job. Both of you need to take responsibility. If you and your husband want it to work then take the steps to make it work.
Narcotics and depression are a serious problem. I would get an individual counselor and couples' counselor asap.
You can also seek help for finances from a legitimate credit counselor also.
I'm definitely with 1008Bride and bellenga on this, as well as some of the other later posts. You need to get professional help. Good luck.
Ladies thank you all so much, yes I know I really need to grow up, seriousli I need help with t hat, I love being a child, I refuse to grow up even thought I know I have to. I like your honesty and I appreciate all of your advise.
Truth is i have a bad communication problem, istead of talking i yell and I chew up my husband, i can stay calm, I have to be in charge of the conversation and it always leads to nothing.
How do I open up with him, I really wanna be happy, Im just so confused, is itbabies? or carrier? or travel or what????
I need you ladies...
i'm sorry I don't believe this is a real post. It sounds like someone just trying to stir things up.
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Okay first of all you need to cut yourself off from men period. Take a break from your husband as well, put the concept of divorce off for a while.
Second, why do you want to be a singer? It sounds like you need a career at this point in time that offers you stability in everyway.
Drink lots of water, eat fresh fruits and veggies, get plenty of sleep. Trust me those three things will help you think clearer and you'll be much more stable.
Once you figure out who you are and can love your own self, then only can you love another. Goodluck!
While I don't believe this is a real post, if it is, the main problem is you don't love this guy. I don't think you ever did. And you can't complain that he doesn't work and spends money when you obviously do too. 3 vacations in one year for people with no money is a little ridiculous. And you cheated on him. Not once did you mention anything about having real feelings about this relationship. And the only thing you seem to be worried about is your lifestyle, money, career and sex life. None of which need to be solved by being married. You got married for the parties and money being spent. Not because you love this guy. Yes, you should get divorced or anulled. I am not being snide. I am being honest. I don't feel bad for your situation at all. You both got yourselves into it. If you want to get out of it, you both need to be adults and either get serious counseling or say goodbye.
Ladies its me the bad one of the story! well believe it or not this is a real situation as fake as it may seem, Yes its real, I do love this man, he treats me nice and he's wonderful its just I guess i do concentrate on the carrer and dreams a lot, instead of working towards it, all I do is complaint, its so hard for me to relly make a desicion, I know i need to grow up!
Sorry for the ones that think this is not real but yes i gues there is f***ed up people like me, i just need guuidence I come from divorced parents and Im lost here.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to me...
i will get serious counseling, as far as the sex life what do i do???
Jeez girl, your life is more intense than evening dramas on the CW.
You can get couples counseling together that will include sex therapy. You need to come clean with your husband about cheating on him, your resentment of his behavior, and the other toxic emotions you hold toward him. If you really love him, you should be honest with him and honest with yourself - this might not work.
If you don't love him, and I suspect you may not (after being repulsed by him and cheating on him and losing respect for him), it is time to move on. You cannot spend your life wasting away in a toxic relationship and you very badly need to get it together.
Either way, you seem to have some serious personal, psychological, and financial issues and you NEED THE HELP OF MEDICAL, FINANCIAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFESSIONALS. Nothing anyone says on this board will really help you SOLVE your problems and the other personal advice we give you may, in fact, only complicate things further.
See your doctor for advice about your overall health and depression and ask for a referral to a personal psychologist and/or couplex/sex therapist. Those are the first steps you should take.
sounds like a fake post to me. she's only a weddingbee member for a day.
fake post...
SAVE your $$$! stop pretending you're Madonna and use the money you overspend on crap to get psych help...ASAP!
unfortunately, when i lived in LA, every other girl i'd run across was just like crasheddreams. so i really believe she's real. what you are chasing is a dream. you want to be rich and famous and you dont want this guy to hold you back. you want to party in st. tropez but you can't with this guy and you feel held back. you need to see a therapist to help you come to terms and accept the life you have and accept that you wont have the life you want of being a famous popstar with an unlimited budget. good luck.
Who knows if this is legit, but this advice stands for anyone in need of counseling like this poster certainly is: Venting on a message board is not enough. There is low- to no-cost counseling available in your area (actually in most any area). Universities often have clinics staffed with psychology students studying for their PhDs that are a good resource for little to no money. Also google free mental health counseling and your area and you will probably be able to find community mental health clinics that would also be able to help you out.
This is NOT meant to be an attack. I really think it's healthy to hear the truth, and you asked for advice: this is what I think, based on what I read.
You use the words 'I' and 'me' ten times more than any others. You want to be a singer [spotlight]. You wanted a massive production-style fairytale wedding [spotlight] and huge parties beforehand [spotlight]. You want sex that is amazing to you all the time [spotlight].
What you don't mention is wanting a caring, stable marriage. You don't mention anything about your husband except that he got YOU into drugs and spent YOUR money. He doesn't even exist in the plot except as a way to point to you. You don't want to be married to him because of who he is- you like him because he's so nice to YOU and makes YOU feel good about yourself.
Your life is about you. I don't know anyone who can make a marriage work without caring as much [or more] for the person they're married to as they do for themselves.
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This is so ridiculous! Fake post people, fake post. Fairy tale white horse and carriage cinderella wedding? (that is so 80's anyways) play boy mansion? whatever. Waste of our time.
I do think there are a lot of people like this-- people who don't even know how they got there and need help.
I think something that starts off so innocent-- like wanting a beautiful wedding with a great guy, having a lavish bachelorette party-- can end up really bad if you start focusing on the WEDDING and superficial things rather than the actual marriage. The wedding is just a day, but the marriage is forever. The wedding is only a sucess if the marriage is a success! The thing is... you're married-- you've committed. Try not thinking about what can be un-done, but think about what you can do NOW to better the situation. There is no such thing as a perfect Prince Charming that will wisk all your problems away. Maybe you both can see a marriage counselor?
I don't think your dreams are crushed just yet, I think you have plenty of time to record your album! And maybe all this headache and drama could be great material for songwriting/singing and can touch others who were going through the same things.
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Well, its not even our one month anniversary and im going crazy about my situation, I really dont know what to do...
we have been together for exactly 4 years on the day of our wedding, but we moved in together 2 months after we met. The relasionship was never "pretty pretty" but I guess what kept us together is how much fun we had a the beginning, and he treated menice,yes we would argue (Really bad, yelling, trowing shi**t around) but somehow we'd always worked it out. He proposed to me on December 05 after I came back from doing a reality show in Mexico, I guess he really thought I was gonna fly away into the show bizz world so he decided to poped the question. I said yes but my heart was not really in it.
Trips here, trips there, OMG it was all about having fun I was 25 and naive, all I wanted to do at that time was to enjoy life, not to mentioned that i had put the pursuing of my dream to be a singer aside. At that time he was helping me financially with mortgage but I was always working.
2 years into our relashionship, he loses his Job, he used to work with his parents at an auto body shop the owned, and they closed the bussiness... well welcome misery!
The first year his parents helped out a little here and there, he didt wan to go get a job, becuse he didnt want to go to a company and beg for a Job or have a Boss,he was not used to... we had already planned three trips for that year and I really wanted to go we got some discount packages so we traveled the world,,, in the mean time bills were late, mortgages started falling behind, my income was not enough to support our life style and let me tell you he likes to spend... our main problems were always about financial stuff and not to mention that sex started to change, Im a very passionate woman and I just didt even feel like touching him or even slepping in the same bed :(
2008 came around and we had to start wedding plans, with no money,and I really wanted the weddign of my dreams, my mom'd wedding was a disaster so I wanted to show off.(Whatever that means) His Parents really nce offered to help out with the wedding since he's an only child and the have always spoiled him uncontrollably, so I started the planning.
I also wanted to start saving to record my Album so I started working over time. by now its feb 08 and we are in so much debt, we have stopped making the mortgage, People! I can even tell you how bad I used to break out cause I ude sto argue so much with him beggin him to get a Job and he wouldnt want oo, he said he was focused on building his ebay store. I took Paxil and some other crap to stay calmed, instead I went to work, work, work, work, I saved up almost $10,000 for my album, but i'd come home after work and I did not want to even see him I was so disgusted by him I felt like Power Girl, my confidence was back and nothing could break me.
So I met someone else nothing serious, night club, couple of dates and hot, passionate, cheap hotel sex, but WOW WOW WOW, very much well proporcioned then you know who... well it became an obsession and we anly went out for a month. One day I wrote my fiance (at that time) a letter and left. It would have been the first night not spending the night with him, and while I was with this other dude I coulnt do it I picked up my stuff and come home, Im talking about may 08 already and the wedding id shecdule to happen in october!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was going nuts my brain was all over the place, break up, make up, we even broke up after that,but its really hard to really break up when we both live under the same roof, and not to mentioned that this house is mine, I bought it before we meet and Im almost lossing it now, well its July and we decided to keep going with wedding...
He needed some money so I let him borrowed some of my money for my album, had to pay some mortgages so the money for my dreamed album GGGOOONNNEEE!!!! and im still having hope that after the wedding something will happen.
July comes around and i get in wedding planning mode, at this time all the crap with the break up to make up was gone, I put the t-shirt on an I did the Job and I did it well.
The best Bridal Shower at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills ca, best of everything with my money ladies!!! The Best Bachelorette at teh Play Boy Mansion in Beverly hills ca, and the wedding OMG! Fairy Tale theme, Cinderella Carriage on a white horse, Rolls Royce and all, we had no money left from what our parents gave us so there was a littlw money left for honeymoon, so we went to a nice resort for a couple of days. The wedding was beautiful, I sang to my husband the honeymoon? well I didnt get out of bed for 4 day and drank champagne for breakfast wow that was good I do have to admit I really felt the sparkles of I dont even know what to call it, but I felt "in love"a like, but unfourtunately it only lasted those four days. The moment we come home to the same, it just got worse...
PLEASE I am screaming for help, I am so depressed, I barely have a JOb and I want to get out there, im just here between these four walls, we dont have a routine, i get even more depressed, all I do is eat chocolates and grilled cheese, I want to keep working on my music, he sais he supports me but he's just there, he doesnt actually do anything to help. Well and the sex? after the honemoon at home we were active for about another 4 days but after that it died, the passion has been dead for years I dont know why i Got married, plus it sucks that I have had better intercouse in my past sex life, I am a very sexual individual and thats one of my favorites, somethinf That i dont enjoy with my husband, once in I gotta do the work to enjoy it...:(
I love to travel I feel like I still want to ilustrate my self, I dont know if I was scared of being lonely buy I feel more alone in this house and in this misery, Im not happy, i gained weight, i have break out on my neck like never, please somebody please help me i dont know what to do, iused to be so independent and hard working and now im stuck in a deep whole, forgot to mentioned that the got me into smoking pot , so i have been smoking for 4 years I really think that change the way I used to be: a strong, harworking,smart,sexy,a independent woman that I really really miss. Am I being selfish to try to be the person again?
I am not happy all i think about is projects to keep being succesfull and the thing is that its dificukt for me to share with with what I want to do, my dreams I feel no support from him at all, no money, we are loosing the house, he doesnt even drive his car, he registered it as non-op cause he has no money OMG Im going crazy Help!
Please friend I need your advise.
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