(Closed) Divorce?? :( Please I need Advice.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

I dont want to hurt him, He is a good guy.


vs.

He has thrown my phone at me one time on my hip, and left a HUGE bruise and made me bleed.

he will put his hands over my mouth

he ended up choking me out


These statements in the same post do not compute, get out NOW.

Post # 4
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

run, hide…

Post # 5
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh I am so sorry that you had to go through this… but if he is being physically abusive towards you, in my opinion, he doesn’t really love you…

You need to take your own well being and safety into consideration, and if he is threatening to kill you, I would get the hell out of there, and fast.

Tell him you want a divorce, and get out of there. Maybe have someone waiting for you so he can’t go crazy right then. Go somewhere he’s never been before. Change your phone number so he can’t track it anymore.

Just BE SAFE, and please, get out of that toxic relationship!

Post # 6
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You let your divorce attorney tell him that you don’t want to be with him any more.  Your husband is a full-on abuser.  I know you’re probably feeling alone and that things like this don’t happen to other women, but they do.  What you are experiencing is the violence wheel.  Observe:

Please seek assistance from your family and friends.  I would also suggest buying a pre-paid cell phone that he cannot GPS track.  He’s stalking you.

Post # 7
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

And:

 

Incident

  • Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

  • Abuser starts to get angry
  • Abuse may begin
  • There is a breakdown of communication
  • Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
  • Tension becomes too much
  • Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’

Making-Up

  • Abuser may apologize for abuse
  • Abuser may promise it will never happen again
  • Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
  • Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm

  • Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
  • Physical abuse may not be taking place
  • Promises made during ‘making-up’ may be met
  • Victim may hope that the abuse is over
  • Abuser may give gifts to victim

 

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.

It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the ‘making-up’ and ‘calm’ stages disappear. 
 

Adapted from the original concept of:  Walker, Lenore. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper and Row, 1979.

Post # 8
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Run.

Post # 9
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@BeachBlossom:  Oh, girl.  This is definitely a situation you need to get out.

 

Don’t worry about hurting him!  You need to get yourself out of there before he KILLS you.  I’m not trying to scare you, but seriously.  I’m sure another Bee can give you a hotline to call to help get yourself out of the situation, but I’d say yes, it’s time for a divorce or anullment or something.

Get yourself to safety!  No one deserves to be treated the way you are, no matter how mad he is.

Post # 10
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

National Domestic Violence Hotline:  (800) 799-SAFE (7233)

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He is abusive and it will only get worse. You should stop worrying about “hurting” him and start worrying about your own safety. It sounds like your family is there to help you, so that’s great. You need to make an exit plan, I would also get a PPO, as he has been physically abusive and threatened your life.

Post # 12
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He has threatened to kill you.  don’t wait until he makes good on that threat.  get out. now.

Post # 13
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

“Choking me out” is all I had to read. Please leave. Abusers start small and bite more than you think.

Post # 14
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry to hear that you’re in a relationship like this. But it sounds like things are only going to get worse, when it comes to him being abusive towards you. If he’s already acting this way, I would hate to see how much worse things would get with time. I’m not a huge fan of divorce, but when it comes to abuse/infidelity, either of those reasons would make me leave.

Post # 15
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

“He ended up choking me out.”

“He has thrown my phone at me one time on my hip, and left a HUGE bruise and made me bleed.”

“He will put his hands over my mouth.”

“He left me messages telling me he was  going to kill me and slit my throat, which made me scared.”

But never hurt me.


Umm, yes he has hurt you. If you need to move out get the police, family, whoever involved while you move your items. Get out of this relationship by using a lawyer. He is abusive, and you cannot safely approach him alone.

Post # 16
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t know you and I’m scared for you.  Just the fact that he has said he will kill you is enough to worry.  At the end of the day you have to make the tough decisions, however I will say that if you decide to leave, be sure that everything is in place for you to leave without fear and get a restraining order because what you have written makes me believe that he doesn’t value your life and he probably doesn’t value his. 

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