Divorced IL's and seating plan…HELP

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Move him to the aunts and uncles. Your FFIL is making it clear his priority at your wedding is to stay clear from his ex wife. He isn’t going to miss much seated further away except for you and your husband shoveling food in your mouths. If you planned on him toasting notify him about the course of the reception so he knows approximately when he will be tapped to make his way to over to you all.

Post # 3
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

capitalbee:  First thing: get FI to do the talking. It’s equally FI’s wedding, but it is his father. (In fact I think it was rather poor of FI to not ask his dad what the issue was, rather than get you to call him back. But whatever).

Then, FI can give him a simple choice: head table, or with the aunts and uncles at a bit of a distance, If FFIL and his wife would rather the latter, then let them. But no point putting them at the head table if they don’t want to be there.

Post # 5
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

capitalbee:  Have your FI give them a choice: as far as possible away from FMIl and FSFIL, but still at the same table, or seated with the aunts and uncles.

Don’t waste any energy worrying what people will think. Everyone at the wedding will know they are divorced and there are almost always issues around seating when that is the case.

Post # 6
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I used to work for a catering company. Most weddings had two separate tables for the families at each end of the head table. They were rarely sat all together at one.

Maybe they sat together at your FSIL’s wedding and were extremely uncomfortable or maybe something was said that made them decide they did not want to do it again. Those are personal reasons and while they need to get along for the day I do understand not wanting to be right with an ex for hours.

As for your parents and his parents/steparents getting to know each other, your wedding is NOT the time or the place to be doing that. Honestly my parents have not even met my MIL. She could not come to our wedding because she had emergency surgery a couple weeks before. They most likely will never meet let alone get to know each other.

Post # 7
1116 posts
Bumble bee

Could you put them on the same side of the table but with a fair few people in between them so that they would have to put quite some effort into leaning forward far enough to be able to see each other? Saying that, my top table looks like this:

        FMIL –  my mum – Me – Groom –    FFIL –   My dad

My step dad – MOH                            Best man – grooms granny

Post # 9
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

capitalbee:  Leave them at the same table but as far apart as you can.  At a long table, you’re only going to converse with the people in your immediate vicinity so they can easily avoid one another.

Frankly, unless the divorce was bitter I don’t see why he’s making a fuss.  Is this more about the step-mother and what SHE wants? 

Post # 11
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Can you just show them the seating chart and work out where they’d like to sit? Then if anyone complains you could say that they chose the seating themselves. It sounds very complicated!!

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