Weddingbee boards

My Mother lives across the country and I have tried so hard to include her in planning, but have been met with passing interest at best. She and my Father divorced a long time ago and she holds resentment towards both my Father and Stepmother. Her feelings are justified to a point, but I feel she is now letting them interfere with my wedding.

I have asked two things of her - walk me down the aisle with my Father and wear a dress in the purple color family. She flat out refused to be a part of the wedding ceremony saying that she did not want to be involved with either my Father or Stepmother. After explaining that it meant a lot to me to have her involved and I wanted to show her how much she means to me, she simply said "You don't see where I am coming from? I am not doing it." As for the dress, I get calls every week or two from her telling me she just can't find one and if it's ok for her to wear something else.

I have tried so hard to make sure that I am not a "bridezilla" and been flexible on just about every aspect of my wedding. It is just so frustrating that one of the people that I really want to include does not want to be included, let alone just take a few steps down the aisle for me. Or wear a dress in a certain color which is the only thing I have not been flexible on. At the same time she tells me that I don't seem like I care about her, I care about my Father more, and thinks her feelings don't matter to me. Like I said, her grudge against my Father may be valid, but not to this point. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so afraid that she is going to get here and pick fights with everyone or give me guilt trips for not paying enough attention to her.

I really wanted my upcoming wedding to be one of joy where both my Fiancée and I could include our families in such a happy day. At this point because of drama with his Mother, drama with mine, and a best man from hell he says we should have just eloped. I am hoping things calm down as the day gets closer. Any ideas on how to help the calming process?

@mrbee: At this point she has been relieved. All she has to do is show up in purple (for pictures) and sit and watch the ceremony. I would love to tell her to wear what she wants but FH had a blow out with his Mother over dress color (I really had no idea this would be such an issue.) He finally told her if she didn't wear some shade of purple she would not be in the pictures. I figure a great way to start off on a terrible foot is piss off my future Mother in Law by making her do something I don't expect my own Mother to do. My Mother is also aware of this being one of the reasons it is still important she wear purple.

@mrbee: Everyone has their purple dress except for my Mother. I think the reality is that I have painted myself into a corner and have to accept that someone is going to be mad :(

@Ms. Meowerson: Oh no, I'm sorry. Well at least you will be spared some of the drama down the road!

@Ms. Meowerson: Indeed! If I didn't realize before I certainly do now - I am so blessed to have the friends that I do.