Post # 1
Just wondering if anybody is going through a similar situation.
So my folks got divorced years and years ago. My dad has since remarried and has 2 kids under the age of 8. Over the years my relationship with my dad has taken a lot of work, he’s someone who eventually will come through but a lot of the time acts very selfishly. Without going in to too much details, he broken a lot of promises over the years. Out of my 2 siblings, i am the “peacemaker” in the family and have always tried my hardest to maintain a relationship with him, his wife and my 2 half-brothers. My siblings on the other hand.. not so much.
My mom over the years has been amazing, she offers her love unconditional and would do anything for us. Fast forward to my FI and I announcing our engagement. Mom offers love support, help etc. My dad however doesn’t and at one point says he won’t even be attending. The point we are at right now is that he IS attending (he has to travel internationally) but his wife/kids will be staying home. He eventually after months of avoiding phonecalls offered us some support (which we are very thankful for).
To cut a long story short we had left it at a point were both my folks were coming and everyone was happy. However now my dad is saying he is bringing his wife and kids. and my mom is so upset about this (as my bro and sis). they basically feel he has no right to bring them and after everything he has put us through my moms feelings should be honored. My mom says she feels “embarrassed” having them there. So now i’m in the position where i know i CAN’T tell my dad not to bring them, (to be honest a messy divorce years ago has nothing to do with my little brothers – so why should i not invite them?). Urgh basically i can’t win, i either risk upsetting my father by telling him i don’t want his new family there, or i risk having my mum upset all day. Either way someone is going to be hurt. More than anything don’t want to hurt my mom, but i DO want my half-siblings there. I don’t understand why everyone can’t just get allong for ONE day. 🙁
Post # 3
Ugh tough situation. My husband’s mother is like that, her and my FIL have been divorced for 11 years, and she still can’t even drive in his neighborhood because “its just too painful”. Ummm yeah, and that makes total sense, since you are the reason for the divorce!!! (she’s an alcoholic, and he gave her so many chances to get well, and she never took any of them, she is still a horrible alcoholic) If it weren’t for her drinking, they would still be together.
Anyway, she is remarried now, and he will be soon. They actually get along pretty well when she isn’t acting like a moron, so thankfully there was no drama (although she missed the formal pics at the hotel even with my mom telling her the time and place like 10 times!).
Sorry, off topic….I think that you should have a serious talk withy our mom, and ask her to please try to be civil for your wedding. I know it hurts, but honestly, it was a long time ago that they were together, and you’re right, your brothers didn’t do anything wrong and they deserve to be at your wedding. Your parents can just steer clear of each other.
Post # 4
I have a somewhat similar situation… My dad is remarried and I don’t particularly want his wife at the wedding. My mom has never met her and, as she broke up my parent’s marriage, has no desire to meet her. However, etiquette pretty much requires couples to be invited together, so my dad’s wife will be coming. It was actually my mom who said she’d need to be invited and that she’d just deal with it.
If your dad wants to bring his wife (and children, if you are inviting them), he’s pretty much allowed. If you want them there, then they should be there. Your mom and siblings can deal with it for a few hours. I would just talk to them and let them know that you’d like your dad and his family there and, while they don’t have to like it, they do have to be polite. Families are so complicated!
Post # 5
Time for a talk with Mom. I am divorced so feel entitled to tell divorced parents” Get over it!”
At some time you have to move on with your life. This wedding is about you, not your mother or her feelings, or your Dad, or his feelings.
She needs to raise her head up high, be proud of who she is and the job she has done rasing you, be civil in public to your Dad and his family and not do anything to mar your day, including acting like the wounded party.
Post # 6
I know, nothing brings out all the politics more than a wedding. Its so difficult, i know what needs to happen but i just don’t want my mom to think i’m picking my dads feelings over her’s. But i’m hoping she willbe able to deal with it for a few hours..
Thank you 🙂