Divorced Parents for in-laws

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sarahroby:  Have your FI make it clear to his parents that he expects them to behave like civil adults on his wedding day.

Post # 4
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sarahroby:  My divorced in-laws don’t get along either. We had a dramatic mess before the wedding when I found out MIL was using us to try to “get back” at FIL, however, everyone behaved on our wedding day. I don’t really have advice about this because there really isn’t much you can do other than seat them on opposite sides of your venue.

DH made a comment a few months before the wedding when our”dramatic mess” occurred and just let them know that he would be extremely angry if they caused any drama at the wedding. I did not ask him to do this as I try to stay out of his family business but perhaps you can bring the subject up to your BF if you still think it will be a problem closer to the wedding?

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Choose the three largest men in attendance to make sure that no one gets out of control/causes a scene. And make sure there’s a buffer between you and the crazy people as much as possible!

Post # 6
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sarahroby:  I’ve got divorced parents who pretty well hate each other. We seated them well apart and trusted them to behave. No real problems.

And to be honest, separate birthday parties (especially for adults) sounds normal. I always see my parents separately for birthdays and Christmas. What’s the point of trying to have a happy occasion when everyone’s on edge? So we bring them together for very few occasions: so far it’s only been two weddings, and a couple of other major events like christenings and funerals. Pretty well anything else can be done separately for much less stress.

Post # 7
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

my parents are divorced, although they don’t hate eachother. Just make sure they know that they’ll pay for another wedding if they mess this one up! lol

but really, just have a discussion about behviour and get them to put their feelings aside for you two. it’s only a day

Post # 8
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Good advice from the other Bees.

In truth, there is little you can do about all of this

Because in reality if you choose a BIG White Pouffy Traditional type Wedding you are “choosing” an occasion when 2 Families come together to form a new one.

It may be your Wedding… but it is also a “Family Wedding” and ya, that can mean DRAMA

The fact is though this is all “their stuff” and not yours, so THEY OWN it no matter how it goes down.

HINT – If they make a scene it will ALL BE ON THEM not you.  And people KNOW that.

So it won’t be yours to wear… uncomfortable yes.  But no one will blame you.

Honestly, short of Eloping there is little you can do about it

Infact, that is what I’d hold over their heads… you guys make the Pre-Wedding Ugly and we’ll gladfully just pull the plug & elope

And I LIKE the comment made by @memo: (Reply # 6), lol you tell em that they mess up the day, and they’ll have to pay for another one… your way

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 9
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I wouldn’t make the assumption that, just because your FI’s parents do not wish to spend time together socially and do not choose to celebrate family birthdays and holidays together with their children that they cannot and will not be perfectly civil and polite to each other on your wedding day.

I agree with @paula1248:  that it seems perfectly reasonable for a divorced couple to choose to celebrate family birthdays and holidays with their children individually and not together.  This is a very normal practice for many people.

Post # 10
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My divorced parents get along now, thankfully (after over 10 years of bitter fighting), but my step-grandma hates my great aunt (my grandma’s sister; my grandma passed away before I was born). FI’s mom and my mom also don’t get along.  I’ve told them that it is my and my FI’s day and that if they can’t be nice, they shouldn’t come.  That’s made them all get a puppy-with-its-tail-between-its-legs look and   I’d say have your boyfriend have a similar putting-his-foot-down conversation once you are engaged.

Post # 11
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The cart is way ahead of the horse! This isn’t even a problem yet – you’re not even engaged or in the throes of planning and you’re worried about this?  Don’t spoil such an exciting time by anticipating drama that may never manifest.  Unclench!  It will be ok!  

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors