Post # 1
Hi guys! Thanks for your advice.
My parents are divorced and remarried, and have been for over a decade, but (as I mentioned in an earlier post), my step mom is terrible, and when you put them all in a room together, it’s like a terrible high-school sitcom, minus the com.
Fiancee’s parents are lovely and want to meet mine.
My mom wants us to do two separate meet-n-greets, one for her and her husband, one for dad and step mom. She says she doesn’t want to “share with that woman.”
Understandable, but still. UGH.
Truly, I want my parents to suck it up and act like adults for my sake, but I’m not sure it can be done as long as Step Mom is in the picture.
Sigh. Does anyone else have blended family advice? I can’t believe this is even an issue.
Post # 3
Eh, I think this is one occasion where the path of least resistance (i.e., separate meetings) is the best one. Why force them to all meet together if it just increases the likelihood of someone behaving badly? It will just make everyone involved more nervous.
FWIW, my parents are divorced and remarried and met my DH’s parents separately, but that’s also because they all live in different states.
Post # 4
@mightywombat: That’s a good point. When tensions are high already, one lighthearted comment could be taken the wrong way and then BAM.
Post # 5
I think separate meetings sounds like the best course and if your in laws put up with that they’re angels!
Our two families had only met once before the wedding (they live cross country from each other and we don’t live near either set of parents either), but it worked out okay when they met.
Post # 6
@AndcjSaid: I don’t think there should be seperate meetings unless it’s what you and your FI want to do. My parents are basically the same way, divorced but only my mom has gotten remarried. My father actually didn’t go to my sisters graduation because he thought my step father was going to be there, and he didn’t even go! My BFs are divorced and they both remarried, but the still act civil toward each other!
So trust me, it’s not just your family. You’re not alone! Just stick to your guns, don’t let them push you around if it’s something you don’t want to do. What is your FIs opinion? My BF and I were talking about our wedding day, though we’re not yet engaged lol, and he got FURIOUS and went off over the idea of my dad not showing up to our wedding( to an event that hasn’t even been planned yet). So I also know that it might be hard to relate to your guys problems.
Maybe can the meeting be pushed off until a engagement or bridal party, or maybe the rehersal dinner? Or you can just throw a fun party with a bunch of friends and them, and have them meet there, so there’s no constraint on the people they can talk to
Post # 7
My parents split literally the week after we got engaged. They had both met FI’s parents (they live in basically the same town) but it was early in our relationship. They all wanted to do a group get together after we got engaged, but ended up not doing it because my parents weren’t at the point where they had figured out how to function in a room together yet. They ended up doing separate get togethers much later, which I think was a good plan. They waited until FI and I were in town (were in school in a different state) and I think that was good too. Yes it took 4 hours out of our lives instead of 2, but is that really a bad thing? Plus, while I’m pretty sure everyone is capable of behaving now, I know both of my parents were nervous about the whole meeting thing, so I think doing it all at once would have added more stress for all parties involved. (FI’s parents were worried about forcing them to be in a room together because they had no clue how my parents would be around eachother, I hadn’t seen them in a room together and didn’t want to experience that with FI’s parents around, FI was worried about the same things as his parents, and my parents were worried about having to play nice and not appearing fake [because anything nice they said to each other at that point would have been fake and they didn’t want FI’s parents to interpret everything as fake])
Post # 8
both mine and my FH’s parents are divorced and remarried, so your not alone there, but the difference i have is that outting my mum and my dad in a room together will cause hell to raise, and also putting his dad and his step dad in the same room will cause the same.
blended families are a nightmare when it comes to occasions like this! i so hope everything works out for you, but just again to say, you are definately not alone when it comes to things like this!