divorced parents – mom refuses to attend the wedding

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: Was I right to let go or should I have tried harder with my mom?
    It's your day and you did the right thing : (63 votes)
    90 %
    You should have picked your mom over your dad : (2 votes)
    3 %
    You should have tried harder with your mom. : (5 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    I don’t really understand the dynamics between you and your mother here, but the bare minimum that I would do is at least reassure her that you ARE inviting her. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  LMD.
    Post # 3
    4638 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    What a manipulative woman. Yes you made the right call. Your mother is emotionally blackmailing you and you stood up for yourself. Ideally, she’ll realize how horrible she’s being and grow up.

    As much as it hurts, your mother is petty and immature to throw away her daughters wedding to continue a grudge. She should seek therapy before she continues to damage her relationships.

    Post # 4
    5208 posts
    Bee Keeper

    AlmostMrsP2014:  It’s been 10 years. This is her problem and not yours. I understand she was devestated, but 10 years later, she should be able to manage being in the same room for a couple of hours. If this had happened very recently, I’d see it differently. 

    Post # 5
    4402 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Jeez, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You absolutely did the right thing by inviting both of your parents. It’s really sad that your mom couldn’t put aside her anger and hurt for one day to be there with you while you get married. Just remember that her feelings have nothing to do with you (even though they affect you) — you haven’t done anything wrong, and it’s just her own issues with your dad that are keeping her away.

    My parents are also divorced, and my siblings and I dealt with some drama during the lead-up to our weddings, as well. Weddings can be really tough for divorced parents, and it’s just such a shame when grown men and women, who have had years to get over someting, can’t do it. 

    I hope you have a beautiful wedding day, and I hope your mom can get past her anger eventually. I also hope you don’t take her advice — definitely don’t think about her bad mariage as you’re getting ready and saying your vows, if you can help it! 

    Post # 6
    4649 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    AlmostMrsP2014:  Oh you poor girl. Your mom is indeed manipulative, trying to blackmail you emotionally. She does need to move on, it’s ridiculous. You go and have your beautiful, wonderful, fun, happy, love-filled day and she can sit at home alone and sulk. I truly hope you recognize it’s her that has the problem.

    Post # 8
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    You did your part of inviting both of them! Whether they choose to be adults and attend is on them. Yes it will be heart breaking but if there is going to drama and she refuses to go then mabe it’s for the better!

    My mom cheated on my dad 10 years ago and is still with the same guy and for awile my dad said he wouldn’t go to my wedding one day and it hurts me alot but I can’t force them to go if they don’t want to. I wish my mom wouldn’t bring her “boyfriend” out of respect for me and my dad but i don’t see that happening.

    I’m sorry you have to go through this. Stress you don’ t need!

    Post # 9
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    AlmostMrsP2014:  Then I agree with other PPs.  It sounds like she’s just being manipulative, and to your point, trying to play the victim.

    I’m sorry you have to deal with this. 🙁

    Post # 10
    322 posts
    Helper bee

    I am so sorry that this is her response, and it really is inexcusable.  I hope you have a beautiful wedding!

    Post # 12
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    AlmostMrsP2014:  The moment I called my mom to tell her I was engaged (we live in different states), she said, “That’s great! And don’t worry about inviting me. You just enjoy your day.”  She couldn’t handle being near my dad or my stepmom or step-siblings. It hurt, but it was a relief at the same time because if anyone would have caused drama that day, it would have been her – the only one who hasn’t found a way to let go of the hurt of the past. So I found solace in knowing that no one would create drama at my wedding and that everyone could be themselves and be comfortable. 

    As long as your mom knows that you did invite her, and never revoked that, then she is makng her own childish decision.  I second stillme:  when she says that you need to remember that her decision isn’t about you (even though it affects you). Her decision is selfish. But maybe you’ll have a better day if she isn’t there to create more drama.

    Post # 13
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    It sounds to me like your mom has some serious problems she needs to work out. But those problems are hers, not yours. You can’t very well invite your dad and not his wife, that would be a terrible, terrible thing to do, and I’m sure your mother knows that on some level. This is your wedding, and not the time for other people to try and guilt you into accomodating their own emotional baggage. You invited everyone, and it was the right thing to do. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

    Post # 14
    1527 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would have told dad to leave his wife home.   Being the Other Woman means not being respected. 

    Post # 15
    6666 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’ve said this on another thread before- but it’s true:

    My ex husband cheated on me and left me for another woman. I would NEVER put our daughter in a position of having to choose between us. One day when she gets married it will make me so happy to be there- I won’t let my ex being there bother me in the least.

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