Post # 1
This is really just a vent…
My parents have been divorced for 8 years now. My dad remarried a year ago and my mom remarried in 2010 and my stepdad sadly passed away a year into their marriage. I recently discussed wedding pictures with my father, and he has no problems with any of the pictures except for one of just myself, him, and my mother. He flat out refuses to do it and his new wife refuses to let it happen. My mother on the other hand really doesn’t care either way, she is comfortable.
I am extremely hurt/sad/angry with my father and my stepmother. I have given up a few things for their comfort and this is the one and only thing that I just cannot be okay with. I originally wanted them to sit in the same pew (not necessarily next to each other) during the ceremony – and they refused to do this. I would like for them to be near each other in a receiving line – not going to happen. Sitting at a table close to my mother at the reception? Nope, not happening. I am okay giving up everything else, it’s fine. But a picture of just me and my two parents? I’m just so crushed.
I understand that my father is remarried and has a lot of ill-will towards my mother. I also understand that it is uncomfortable to take this picture. But it’s for me and only me. I’m not going to frame it, it’s simply a picture for me to have and look at – for my children in the future to look at even. My father and my stepmother said they would be okay with a picture of me, mom, dad, and stepmom … but not without my stepmom out of the picture. Does that make much sense? I’m obviously not going to have them stand right next to each other, I will serve as the buffer.
It’s just killing me. I feel like I am not asking for much. I am asking for a picutre – less than 30 seconds of discomfort. For me. Their daughter. Ugh, I hate family drama, this just feels ridiculous!? If I was asking for a parent dance between my parents I could understand the protest, but I just cannot wrap my mind around this one.
Has anyone else gone through this? How did you cope? I obviously do not have a choice here, the picture is just simply not going to happen. And that hurts. It hurts so much that they are thinking so much of themselves and completely disregarding my feelings and FI’s feelings on our wedding day. We have given up everything else, why can they not compromise on just this one? Any words of comfort?
Post # 2
Oh well fuck it all. I just got an email from my father saying that my step mom isn’t coming to my wedding over this situation and that he is standing by here and not coming either. WHAT THE HELL??!?!?!
Post # 3
I think your stepmother is behaving like a child, and that it probably where your dad is getting it from. Poor you…. some parents just don’t get it. I would say that instead of forcing it on them, try to get your photographer to “causually” make it happen in a moment where the three of you are together. Like “OK, now just the parents with the bride!” sort of thing. Maybe this is just one of those times that it needs to be a little more organic, without giving people, and their egos, a chance to ruin it.
Post # 4
Email him back and tell him that you respect his decision, although you wish he’d reconsider so that he can be with you on your wedding day. Tell him you can’t fathom how your wishes to have a single photo of yourself with your parents would be so blown out of proportion, and you hope he’ll reconsider.
Basically, lay the guilt on thick, and make it clear that he’s the one making the big fuss.
Post # 5
OH, now that is just rotten!!! I simply don’t get it….. WHO is the child and WHO is the parent??? I’m upset for you! Why don’t you go tell your dad that you just met a woman (me) whose mother is dead and whose father lives 4,000 miles away and due to health concerns most likely won’t be at the wedding. Then go tell him take a good look at his family, because some people simply shouldn’t take their family for granted when other people don’t have them at all. The only excuse for parents not coming is death or illness. That’s just SHAMEFUL!
Post # 6
Alternately, tell him that you’ve changed your mind and want him to come. And then after the wedding, send him a framed photograph you’ve had photoshopped to include you, him, and your mother.
Post # 7
I was going to suggest photoshop, but now he’s just being an ass. Hopefully, he will grow up before the wedding.
Post # 9
Whoa! That’s crazy. Lay on the guilt trip and add future resentment. I wouldn’t have anything to do with them ever again after that stunt.
Post # 10
pinkrose23: I would email back what you have written here: that you have compromised on other things already, namely not sitting in the same pew and not being near each other in the receiving line. (I happen to agree with them over reception seating, because sitting close means some sort of interaction over a few hours). And now he won’t compromise over some small thing in return, which only takes about 30 seconds?
And tell him that if he’s going to miss his daughter’s wedding over that, then you are very sad.
Post # 11
pinkrose23: Wow, your step-mom sounds like quite a little bitch with some major insecurity issues.
Don’t reply to the email. Let them stew in their own juices for awhile. Hopefully they will calm down and apologize.
In my view, I think that yes, they are both being stupid and petty. It’s one photo with your two parents on either side of you. It’s not like you’re trying to pretend they’re still married.
However, I think your other requests may have tainted this one. You were trying to push more togetherness than they were comfortable with. Realize too that you didn’t compromise – you accepted their “no” to your requests As you should have. I suspect you father’s new wife feels offended that you want them to socialize with your mother and/or she feels like you’re trying to act as if they are still married and literally push her out of the picture.
So, either accept their offer to have a photo with the new wife included or have a picture with each parent separately. But don’t feed into their threats and tantrums.
Post # 12
What in the actual fuck? I would express my regret at his unfortunate and selfish decision and leave it at that. For pair of grown adults to act like demanding brats is shameful. Hopefully they’ll remember they’re grown-ups soon and you can gracefully pretend this nonsense never happened.
Post # 13
I think it’s inappropriate for you to ask your parents to take a “family photo” when you are no longer a family together. Your mom will always be your mom and your dad always your dad but the three of you are not a unit. And I say this as a child of divorced parents.
Aside from that it sounds like you have bigger problems on your hands than a photo.
Post # 14
OP, sorry you’re going through this!<br />Hope it will all work out in the end.
Post # 15
Sorry you have to put up with that OP 🙁 They both sound ridiculously immature. If they don’t go, they will be the ones that look like idiots – not you.
Do you have any Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents that could talk to them for you? It is your day and frankly they just need to suck it up and do as you ask.