Post # 1
Okay so my parents have been happily married for 37 years! I have that family you look at and hate cause everyone is so damn happy! Anyway my fiances parents are divorced and have been for 21 years! They are both happily remarried and have been forever! His two seperate sets of parents have never been around each other and we are about to start having parties! Well it makes me nervous and now my fiance is starting to get nervous! Neither one would ever say anything to the other but I would hate for them to feel uncomfortable! My fiance’s cousin (his step-mom’s niece) is throwing us a couple’s party! I think that his mom and step-dad should also be invited! Is that okay! I am lost when it comes to divorce ettiquite!
Post # 3
Anyone have advice! HELP!!!
Post # 4
I think they should both be able to put aside their discomforts for a few get togethers for the sake of their son. Try not to worry about it! It’s out of your control anyways.
Post # 5
It’s been a long time and they’re both with other people now. I think it should be fine. You can’t anticipate how people are going to react to seeing each other. It might be fine or it might be a little awkward. Invite both sets and it’s up to them to be able to put the past behind them for a day. My parents are divorced and both have new partners. I know that there will be some awkwardness but I don’t expect any issues. These things happen – no family is perfect and you just have to trust that they love you both enough to make an effort. I don’t expect for my mum and dad to talk – it really doesn’t bother me if they don’t say a word to each other all day. I do expect them to be able to have a nice time and enjoy themselves and be happy for the fella and I. I’m sure both sets of parents will rise to the occasion and you both will have stressed for nothing.
Post # 6
I can totally relate. We have pretty much the exact same problem. My parents are happily married, but FI’s parents are divorced, and have been for over 20 years. However, the divorce was a NASTY one, and they DO NOT speak to each other. I think enough time has passed that they can be civil around each other, but the divorce issue still causes TONS of problems. This is how we have dealt so far, but we are still really worried about the wedding:
Engagement party — My parents threw it. We didn’t invite anyone from FI’s family. Just our friends and my parents friends. That way we didn’t have to choose which of FI’s parents to invite.
Bridal shower — I’m pretty sure that FI’s mom and his dad’s long-term girlfriend will both be invited. We’re not too worried about these 2 women meeting each other, since both are quite nice and 100% capable of acting in a civil manner. We’re much more worried about FI’s mom and dad seeing each other though 🙁
Rehearsal dinner — EEK! FI’s mom is probably hosting the rehearsal dinner, and in that case, she doesn’t want FI’s dad to be invited. Ummm… I don’t exactly feel very comfortable with this plan, but it might just have to be that way. If we end up paying for the rehearsal dinner, then I am going to insist that both parents are invited.
Wedding — Clearly all parties are invited to the wedding. We will be seating FI’s parents far away from each other at both the ceremony and reception though.
Hope this helps! …somewhat. I’m sure there are others out there with the same issues.
Post # 7
I’m with Skibobrown. The thing I’ve heard the most is to seat them apart from each other. Her ideas are great!
Otherwise, if you think that they will be civil and polite to each other, then that is the best you can ask. The point is that they need to come together to support you and your FI. It sounds like they have both moved on with their lives and should be able to come together for you guys.
It’s not like both your FI’s parents haven’t realized that at some point their son would get married and they’d all have to be in the same room together at some point as a result.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone! I think it will be okay! I am going shopping with my FI’s mom tomorrow to look for her a dress so I may see what she says about it all! As far as the church, his dad is his best man so he will be standing up so i think I will put his mom and step dad on the front row and his step mom behind her! I am sure they have been thinking about it for sometime now! Thanks for the advice! All wonderful!
Post # 9
Same situation here: My parents, married 30 years, his, divorced 10 years. Nasty divorce. Dad cheated on Mom with one of his students (who he has since MARRIED). I have to invite the bimbo, who is only a few years older than FI and me to our wedding. I feel for FMIL, it must suck. But remember: it’s their divorce, it’s their problem, they will have to find a way to make it work.
Post # 10
I know what this is like because my parents were divorced forever ago. I do not invite my biological father to things unless it is necessary because he hasn’t been a part of my life. My cousin however has the same issue and he invited both sides but his mom was annoyed where as his dad was really chill about it. I think it really depends on the parents. You need to talk to your fiance about how he thinks they’ll react. If he thinks there will be drama then only invite the side of the neice that is throwing it. You can always have another party for the other side.
Post # 11
i can understand why you think his mom and step dad should also be invited but i also understand the other side to the story. my parents have been divorced since i was 3. my mom and dad get along and are civil to each other but my dad in all reality feels out of place and uncomfortable around my mom and her side of the family. the only advice i can really give is to talk to your fiance and ask him if he too feels they should be invited and also talk to both sets of parents to see if it would cause any issues if both couples were present at this party. i understand wanting them all there but if its going to create tension then its probably best to keep it as originally planned with just his dad and step mom attending the party.