- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hi there, I just found this site. I’d be a newlywed if I were still together with my now-estranged husband who flipped on me and threw me out a few months ago. I’m still confused and can’t stop ruminating about it and decided to go on the interwebs and get the opinions of a bunch of anonymous strangers. Basically, I met my husband in the summer of 2013. I was horrifyingly shy my whole life and had literally never been in any relationships before, and had barely dated. I was a 30-year-old virgin (yes, it was quite humiliating). My husband is my age but experience-wise he was the complete opposite of me. To my surprise, he wasn’t bothered by my lack of experience. He actually liked that about me.
Anyway, we hit it off immediately when we met. We had a strong emotional connection and a lot of chemistry and spent every minute together from the time we started dating and never spent a moment apart. He was very needy and frankly I loved that. I’d been lonely my whole life and felt like I finallt had someone to love me, etc. etc., all that. He proposed after 4 months and we ended up getting married 2 months after that. Naturally everyone (except my mother who’s old-fashioned) thought we were rushing down the isle and being idiots. I realized I was taking a risk by getting married sooner rather than later in the relationship but I did love him and feel I could spend the rest of my life with him, yada yada. And I also had a what-do-I-have-to-lose-just-do-it kind of attitude with respect to the haste with which we were getting hitched. I was just thrilled I found I guy I loved who loved me back and apparently wasn’t afraid to commit.
Things seemed to go more or less beautifully during our first year. We didn’t even have our first argument until we had been married 6 months (which was only 2 months before what would be our last argument.) Then one evening last August we were lying in bed chatting in the middle of the night when neither of us could sleep. I don’t know what brought it on, but I began reminiscing about one of the couple of limited, hapless, and unremarkable experiences I had dating while I was still a teenager in college. This bothered my husband a lot, and he started asking a lot of probing questions about the details of my romantic/sexual experiences (or lack, thereof) which didn’t bother me and which I openly answered. I was shocked when in response to my answers he became inflamed and enraged, said I had misled him about my past, had lied to him, had been trashy and promiscuous in my youth, etc. etc. I was both bewildered and offended. He had always shown himself to be a bit of a male chauvinist but his reaction to my past left me speechless.
I was intent to hash things out and figure out why he seemed so mistrustful and would react so strongly to such a small aspect about me, but the more I tried to pursue the topic and talk about what was bothering him, the angrier and more enraged he became. He insisted that I had lied to and betrayed him, and still was, about my “past,” that I had hurt him more than I could ever know and that what I had done was unforgivable. Honestly, none of what he was saying made any sense to me, especially given his own very florid romantic and sexual history. He seemed to be blowing everything about my lackluster past out of proportion, and the fact that I didn’t understand made him all the more enraged and resentful. After a week or so of his raging and not “forgiving” me, he ultimately kicked me out of the house and said it’s over.
Now we’re in the middle of our divorce. I’m still confused about what happened, about whether I committed a grave transgression by talking to him about a guy I sort-of dated in college, whether he’s as crazy as he seems to me to be, where my blind spot must’ve been the whole time during our relationship, and all around just stewing in my idiocy over this disaster of a relationship. I’m pretty sure the guy’s a hateful and hurtful pig and he completely overreacted to what I told him, but I still mull over what I potentially did wrong, given that one’s romantic/sexual past is territory that’s supposed to be tread lightly with your SO to begin with.
*Oh, and I really apologize for the uncontrolled verbosity. I’m even worse in emails.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by StaleCoffee.