Post # 1
Hi Bee’s… I’m looking for other bee’s that consider themselves highly sensitive. This concept is relatively knew to me, but after some research and lots of reading I’ve discovered that I am definitely a HSP.
Elaine Aron has an entire website dedicated to this, along with a self-test. http://www.hsperson.com Just for reference I checked off 24 of the 27 questions as “yes.”
I’ve learned that this tough trait of mine has made it hard for me to maintain friendships. I have a lot of weaknesses & while I can often recognize them, I have a really difficult time letting my feelings take a back seat to my mind. I would explain, but I’m a little afraid of being flamed with insensitive responses 🙂
Really, for right now – I wanted to see if any other bee’s are highly sensitive…. and if so, how do you manage it? What are your “weaknesses” due to being a HSP?
Post # 2
According to this thing I am… I didn’t check about 5 boxes lol. My friends usually accept me for me, because in the end I have a big heart and typically try to do the “right” thing and step out and calm myself down for a bit. I actually attribute all this to my anxiety, I take natural pills for it, and it really has helped with overwhelming situations. The bottom line is that it sucks, and that we have to learn to manage it, because its not fair to other people to always have to play by our rules, althought it would be nice.
My weaknesses (the things that really affect me): More than one conversation going, bad breath, too many deadlines approaching, disorganized people that manage to make more “issues”, running late, loud television, people asking too many favors in too little time, waiting on others (thats a big one). There are a lot more I’m just not thinking about them at this moment since I’m just chillen.
FI always gets praised for being able to “handle” me, lol. Depending on the day, this might hurt my feelings, lol.
Post # 3
Two things occur to me:
1) the self test is vague enough that almost anyone would score on it, like astrology tends to “sound right” because it is so vague and open to interpretation
2) this test is linked directly to a lady trying to sell things based on the people visiting her page deciding they have the “condition” she is targeting.
a true diagnostic test should not be self administered but administered by a trained person, and should definitely not be administered by a person who has a vested interest in convincing you that you need “help”.
also – certain things will always be a challenge to certain people and that is alright. We are all different people and the world is a better place for our diversity. At the same time though, having a “label” sometimes makes people feel that since they have a reason why they struggle with something, they will not be able to live in a way that is ‘normal’ and satisfactory. Please, leave the labels for soupcans and do whatever you need to be the best, most fulfilled, happiest you that you can be!
Post # 4
FutureMrsM87: I definitely identify in certain ways. I only actually heard of the term HSP recently but had always recognised that I was different in certain ways. I don’t see myself as highly sensitive in all of the ways the test identifies but definitely some of them. For me it is a constant battle of mind vs (non-logical) feelings. I would say my main weaknesses are that because we are so hyper aware of other people’s feelings and shifts in their moods that I constantly assume that any negative changes are as a result of something I have done. I think it does has it’s positives in that because I am more aware of people’s feelings/needs then I can provide for these better.
Post # 5
Post # 6
Yes! I just discovered her book recently. I identified with it so much. I have a lot of weaknesses. Lately I’ve been having problems with being social. It’s draining to me to have conversations where both sides are really involved in the talking. Like, it’s easier for me to do all the talking, or all the listening, but when I engage in a conversation where we’re talking equal amounts, I am sooo drained that after an hour I could sleep forever.
I feel like I can feel people’s moods and it makes me uncomfortable. I can always tell when someone is upset with me but pretending they aren’t. I can go from being rock-bottom depressed to being elated when someone else is happy.
I don’t really know how to lay it all out…almost my entire life revolves around how sensitive I am. Work, where I live, the distance I keep from my family. It’s not something I would have chosen but I think I’m a better person for it. Not better than other people, but better for myself. I’m the kind of friend everyone wants, the kind that knows when to just listen, or the kind that you can ask for advice. A lot of my friends come to me when they are grieving.
There’s a lot more to it, but like I said I don’t know how to lay it all out. Glad to hear that there is another HSP on the bee (although I’m sure there a lot more than we know of).
Post # 7
Madeline789: I’m the same way – I have a big heart…. But unfortunately I have a problem with shutting people out. Recently, my best friend told me that our friendship had become exhaustive 🙁 It was extremely hard to hear – but as she explained herself, I agreed with what she was saying. I am extremely sensitive emotionally – my feelings can get hurt really easily. And after talking with the BFF I’ve realized that 9 out of 10 times, my feelings are getting hurt in situations that aren’t even recognized by her, or our other friends. It was very hard for me to hear what an negative impact I had been having. I feel extremely angry with myself. I agree though – I am also lucky to have a FI that can put up with me 😉
I have similar “irks” as well… A big one of mine is feeling left out, loud noises, repetitive noises, and procrastination (aka being rushed to finish a task) & having plans changed at the last minute. I can be spontaneous, but I don’t like situations where we have plans and they get changed last minute – it makes me uneasy.
I’m hoping that now I’ve identified really what I’ve got going on- I can learn to manage how I respond to my feelings & eventually how I feel in certain situations.
I’m so glad to hear that I’m not alone *phew* because I’m the only person in my life that is like this & I often feel SO crazy at times.
Lollybags: Ahh! I can completely relate with the mind vs logical feelings. I am struggling with that most right now. I tend to get extremely sad/or upset when I feel left out of a situation – even when the logical part of me knows and can recognize that my justification for being upset isn’t there. This usually results in me not being mad at anyone but myself (b/c I have no reason to be mad) but still sad that I was left out. That probably makes no sense, or maybe it will and I’ll feel less crazy 😉 I can also pick up on the moods around me, it can definitely be a curse at times BUT, I agree, it can make it where you are more intuned with how others are feeling & that can be nice at times.
julies1949: Thank you! I couldn’t get the search feature to work for me when I was writing this.
boogiewoogies: That’s so interesting about the conversations. It makes sense though, it IS draining to have to maintain and evolve a conversation. I agree, it’s much easier to do one or the other (listen or talk). My moods are easily affected too. For a while, I felt like I was bordering depression because my moods could switch that easily for me. Now I’ve realized that my enviroment/people around me can easily affect how I’m feeling. I like your outlook – that it makes you a better person for it. I need to dig deep and start looking at how this positively affects my life, instead of being angry that I feel so alone with my emotions.
Post # 8
FutureMrsM87: just make sure that you are not attributing things to the “HSP”… It sounds like a unicorn… Have a convo with your doctor… Idk of you’re on birth control but that could have something to do with it… I have anxiety so many things stress me out Constantly… If it’s something that’s really affecting your daily life, then you should seek professional help.
Post # 9
Looking through the checkist:
- I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
- Other people’s moods affect me.
- I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
- I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.
- I am deeply moved by the arts or music.
- My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.
- I am conscientious.
- I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
- I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.
- I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.
- Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me,disrupting my concentration or mood.
- Changes in my life shake me up.
- I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.
- I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.
- I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.
The majority of things on this checklist seem to be things that most normal people (who aren’t sociopaths) would agree with.
Post # 10
i thought the test questions were a little strange. i do not consider myself highly sensitive but i could check off numerous boxes. these are qualities that many people have that aren’t issues.
Post # 11
FutureMrsM87: Please have another read of the only post in the first five you didn’t respond to. This is someone with something to sell. The condition and the self-test are made up. Highly sensitive is a description, not a condition. Sometimes things are tough. For everybody. We all use different coping straegies, from friends to medication to religion to less positive things like substanses. You pretty much just scored highly on being human.
Post # 12
For those who can’t closely relate or identify with the research that Elaine Aron has done, it seems like a phony excuse. I can assure you, and the rest of the ladies on here that commented they can relate, that it’s not an excuse. This is real. I don’t really want to argue with anyone on whether or not they think it’s legit. There are multiple other sources of HSP, that coincide with Aron’s research. I agree that you can’t use it as a scapegoat for your feelings & reactions, but I also don’t need to justify my feelings to anyone. All I was doing was looking for other bee’s who can relate to me, not try to convince me that it’s a made up “thing.” I have been analytical, and open-minded in my research of HSP, I haven’t fallen into a naive, black hole. Only those who can deeply relate will understand what Aron is saying & that it’s more than just a mood, or a coping method – it’s an everyday thing. I am a very happy & content person, I don’t need drugs, or “help” to make me happy. I need to understand how I react, and why I react the way I do – I’m not using HSP as a crutch, this thread was started to look for other girls who can relate to how I feel.
Post # 13
I consider myself to be an extremely sensitive person (both emotionally and in reaction to stimuli), which this self-test has supported, but like PP said, I think of it as more of a description or symptom, not a condition. I attribute mine to a combination of things, both in my environment and my health. However, I understand that the paths to navigating through these kind of issues are not one-size-fits-all, and if Elaine Aron’s research and resources have been helpful for you and your journey, then that is all that matters! I don’t think it’s constructive to try to invalidate someone else’s feelings or values. I think it’s great that you’ve found a way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the way your body and mind work. I wish more people would invest time in doing so.
Post # 14
FutureMrsM87: I am highly sensitive. My doctor calls it “innate sensitiveness” which is the term the psychiatrist Carl Jung coined in the early 1900’s to describe the same idea. Elaine Aron used Jung’s work in this area as the basis for her theory so they’re very related. It’s definitely not a new idea or phony excuse and there’s over 100 years of psycho-therapuetic research behind it.
Anyway, one thing that has made this easier for me is that my grandmother also was a HSP so my family already had some experience when I came along. Although, being called eccentric and sensitive annoyed me and hurt my feelings, they’re acceptance and relative accomodation to my “quirks” was really beneficial. As I have learned more about myself and grew into loving and accepting all of me rather than fighting against it, things have been amazing. Learning my triggers/stressors and how to cope with them, taking time away for self-care, and setting appropriate boundaries are helpful for me. I am very intentionally creating a life that is nurturing and affirming. I have an amazing group of friends and family who love, support and “get” me, which is a real gift and makes dealing with everything else much easier too. I am able to appreciate that there is a beauty and fullness of life that comes from really feeling it and thinking about it on a deeper level than most.
Post # 15
FutureMrsM87: That’s what’s great about the book. She doesn’t give you tools to make excuses, she gives you tools for making your life better. Learning how to live with the trait. I recommend reading it. 🙂