(Closed) do any of you feel scared..??

posted 5 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee

No, not scared.  I feel relieved.lol

In my first marriage, I had to walk on eggshells.  Now, I met someone who makes me laugh, is secure with himself, treats me with so much respect, has great values.  Just perfect for me.

I think knowing clearly what made my first marriage not work helps.  I know myself better.  I know what I want.  Even with a wedding, we have talked about having something intimate and the pressure is no longer there to fulfill anyone else’s expectations. 

Post # 4
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

Not scared at all. Not this time! Statistics show that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. I CAN’T imagine how that could be true! Divorce was pure Hell. I can’t imagine going through that twice. I’m older this time too. I don’t play games and I don’t take life so seriously (not sweating the small stuff). I also learned a lot. I know what I did wrong and won’t make the same mistakes. My ex is primarily to blame for the demise of our marriage, but I can see my own faults. It took me 4 years to start dating again, so, no fears this time at all. 

 

Now, why do you ask? Are you scared? Want to talk about it?

Post # 5
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I feel scared.

This is my 3rd marriage and my FI’s first. My first husband died and the 2nd one cheated. I think my FI is an awesome guy but I thought my 2nd husband was awesome too. My FI loves me to death but I thought my 2nd husband loved me too. I love my FI with all my heart and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work but I felt the same way with my last husband. We even went to counseling.

I’m older this time and I can see my faults in my last marriage but the success or failure of my marriage doesn’t just depend on me. It depends on my FI also. And I can’t guarantee that the wonderful, loving, good-hearted, morally-upright man I’m marrying in November will be the same man for the next 50 years. Marriage requires a leap of faith but he’s worth it and more importantly we’re worth it. I’m just staying grounded in today and letting God handle tomorrow.

Post # 6
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am , but I am not.

I can see what was so flawed in my first marraige. I know where it all went wrong. I am doing my best NOT to do any of those things this time. Even down to the wedding planning. I was 20 at the time last time, everyone around me made decisions and just told me bits of what was happening. This time I am 100% involved. I am planning this. This is OUR dream, not everyone elses. 

FI treats me like gold. He knows my flaws and he accepts them. He helps me with them. This time it is gonna work, (I hope)

Post # 7
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

no.  I know this is right, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Post # 8
Member
6677 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wasn’t scared.  I knew DH for 8 yrs by the time I felt ready to marry.  We had been best friends for a long time.

We were both on the same page about most things, so it was pretty easy.

 

Post # 9
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes. This is the 2nd marriage for both of us and while I love him dearly, yes I am a little scared. Do I know it will work? Absolutely. Any hesitation? Nope. But I do get a little scared every now and then…More so for me because I will become a step-mom to his 11 year old son.  A son I love like he is mine, but whose real mother is a first class B…..I just don’t want anything to go wrong and I know it won’t, but after a miserable first marriage,  I do get panicky.

Post # 10
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do not feel scared at all! I have full trust in myself that I chose very wisely this time and full trust that he is showing me who he is.  And that we have all the key ingredients for a successful longterm marriage.  Our first year started off great, and keeps improving with time.  Going on 5 years of being together now!

Post # 11
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

my first husband also died.  there’s the lurking fear that i will lose FI before his time too, and i’m not sure i can survive that kind of heart-rending loss a second time.  it’s a gamble, and for me, this kind of love is well worth the risk.

Post # 12
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cardus:  That completely sums up how I feel.

Post # 13
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can honestly say that this was my third wedding but my first (and last) marriage. I learned a lot about myself and my DH knows everything about my previous relationships. He’s the one who pointed out that my 2nd marriage (all 25 years of it) was not a marriage at all. He sees how my ex treats his children and it’s clear that’s how he treated me.

So in answer to your question, yes, I was scared and I still am a bit. I can’t believe how close I am to my husband and it’s the first time in my life that someone could really rip my heart out if he behaved badly or if God forbid something were to happen to him.

Post # 14
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

So glad I found this…

Yes. I got married at 27 (long enough time right) we dated for 7 years…then divorced about 4 years later. This will be FIs 2nd time around also. He was married for at least 15 years. I am scared…I have my moments of full bliss – then I remember I have a two yr wait and I have the moments of fear that I need to use this time to make sure I’m not having “chilly” feet 

Post # 15
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

not at all.

this is my 3rd marriage and it’s the only one that i have felt 100% confident walking down the aisle.  zero doubts.

it’s my dh’s 2nd marriage and he feels completely different this time too.

we did it for ourselves this time; not out of expectation or obligation. 

Post # 16
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Not really. I just feel like this is right this time.

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