Post # 1
I just honestly really need to know if after you have a kid- do you really get so busy tending to him all the time? Im asking cuz two of my friends had kids recently and their babies are now like– 6+ Months old, and they always seem to ” be busy ” with thier child. Im not sure if its an exucse or a reason, but I really am curious- how much work and effort goes into parenting in these couple of months? Does a parent really have no time to take care of themselves? Socialize wth others? etc.
Post # 3
@Mrsgurzakovic: There’s time, but it’s a personal choice that really effects this. A lot Mom’s are willing to leave their children in the beginning with anyone, even the fathers in some cases. I have people in my life on both side of the coin.
Tonight I’m going out to dinner with a group of friends, and we aren’t going until 8pm because one of them wont go out until her 2 1/2yr old and 9 month old are in bed, because she doesn’t think her husband can handle putting them both to bed. It’s nuts.
Post # 4
It depends on the baby. My son was (and still is) easygoing. He was no problem at all. He could sit in his crib and entertain himself. My daughter, on the other hand, screamed bloody murder from the day she was born unless I held her (Her dad couldn’t even hold her!) I had to put her in the car seat and let her scream just so I could take a shower. So… it depends upon the baby.
Post # 5
Yes, they are your focus and will take up your time. Your priorities change as well, so they may be saying they are busy and what they are doing may not come across as that important to you.
Babies change EVERYTHING.
Post # 6
@Mrsgurzakovic: For the frist year they are pretty time consuming BUT there is also the factor like mwitter80 mentioned about how comfortable moms are with leaving their little ones.
For me.. Darling Husband is just as much as a parent as I am so you better believe baby will be left with Darling Husband AND when DS was little he went to my moms house almost 1 night a week every week from just a few weeks old so I could catch up on sleep & get some things done. This go round I’ll probably keep baby home a bit more but only b/c I want to breastfeed. All’s I know is if I don’t take care of me, then I can’t take care of baby.
Hope your friends come around so ya’ll can get reconnected and they can get some time to themselves. =)
Post # 7
I think babies are a great excuse and I have used it many times 🙂 it depends on the type of parenting you choose to do, the temperament of your child, and how much family you have to help.
I would honestly say that my son never made me feel like “I have no time for anything” he was a great kid, sleepy from 7:30 am to 8:00 pm every night, and every Saturday my grandparents were calling me saying “umm, don’t you have anything to do? Can’t we watch the baby?
I always managed my time well, I really open living room, kitchen area so I could interact with him while doing dishes, cooking….and I had lots of me time after 8:00…
Post # 8
I think part of it is the scheduled time. It’s not that your friend doesn’t want to hang out–but she prolly spends all day actively doing and wants some time to veg and do nothing.
Post # 9
I wanted to add: when my son was three months old my doctor said “time to start teaching him some independence” she had me doing all of these little things to make him independent and it worked so well, he has always been content on his own, sometimes I am like let’s play a game and he is like “umm, i want to play in my room”. But who knows if he is just naturally independent as well, but I did work hard to follow through with everything my doctor said to help him with independence
Post # 10
It also depends on if first child or not. If that said child was born early or not. My son is my first child and he was born 7 weeks early so the first month of life I spent all my time in the NICU unit.
I agree with the PP babies change your perspective on things and what you do. Or even what your purchasing. I used to go shopping for clothes for me, now days I shop for my son when I get the chance.
Your friend more than likely not lying and is actually busy with her child.
Post # 11
I hardly socialized at all my first year. I was nursing exclusively and only really went to kid friendly activites.
It also depends on the baby’s personality.
It got better, but my baby was my priority. He took all of my time.
I don’t regret it at all…I just found out my new husband doesn’t have sperm due to a car accident years ago (drunk driver hit him) and/or medical issue. He may be my only child, not by choice. I cherish every moment I had as a new mommy and my friends were all either in the same boat or still there for me when the baby stage got better.
I never thought I would be like that, but I was a much better “mother” before I had kids. 😉
Also, I always chose sleep over a lot of stuff. You kind of go in auto-pilot for awhile.
Post # 12
It depends on a variety of things (baby’s temperment, mom’s comfort level, outside support, etc…), but to be honest, the friends I hung out most after having a baby were the ones who were willing to hang out at my house instead of going out. If your friends are pretty busy adjusting to life with a new baby, maybe suggest bringing over take out one night so you can hang out.
Post # 13
Thanks guys for your responses. I know theyre busy because everything is new to them. I just really wanted to know if having a child is really that time consuming.. Apparently it is! lol.. good luck to me in the future then hehe.. thanks again everyone, I appreciate it.
Post # 14
maybe you can offer to hang out with your friend and the baby. go to her house and watch a movie while she snuggles with the baby, or help feed it dinner while she eats. i think a lot of new moms feel bad inviting over friends, or asking their childless friends to spend time with them and the kid. if you reassure her that you don’t mind, maybe you can tag along. the baby’s still little so you and your friend can have some nice adult conversation which might be a nice break for her!
Post # 15
I’ve had a very active social life, even while pregnant and since I’m due to deliver this weekend I’ve had lots of invites for New Years, birthday parties in January, etc. And I just can’t commit. I’m planning on breastfeeding so I know that will be something that I need to get used to doing 24/7 and it’ll take me a little while to get into the groove. Right now I’m just not comfortable making plans.
Post # 16
@Amy43026: Can I ask what your dr told you to do to help your little one to be independent? I love that.