Post # 1
Here is our situation:
Future Mother-In-Law said very early on that she wanted to host an Rehearsal Dinner for us. We weren’t even going to have one, but it seemed to mean a lot to her and we agreed. She asked Fiance to look into places since she doesn’t know the area we’re getting married at and he does.
For one reason or another, Fiance kept putting this off. Future Mother-In-Law is very uninvolved in the wedding and was not in a rush to do any planning so we didn’t see this as a huge priority. The other day, however, she informed Fiance that she had taken matters into her own hands and got a few restaurant choices. She wouldn’t tell him what they are until she chooses one. She says that since she’s paying, it’s up to her.
I agree that it’s ultimately her choice. But wouldn’t the nice thing to do be to check with us and give us some input?
Post # 3
We had no say in our rehearsal dinner. I would have liked to have input to be sure, but I figured if FI’s family is paying, it’s really their event.
Post # 4
Generally whoever is paying gets to pick, unless they ask for your input.
Post # 5
My Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law are throwing the rehearsal dinner and although the wedding is a ways off yet, they have already thrown out a couple ideas of where they would like to have it. Since we’re all from here, or close by, we will have pretty much the same opinions about restaurants. They definitely would never pick one that we didn’t like. I guess I just have great in-laws!
@GirlWithARing – that’s a bummer that she won’t even tell you the places she is considering. You’d think she’d want you input, just in case she’s thinking of somewhere that you don’t like or that you’ve had a bad experience at (bad food, poor service, etc.). Maybe try to reason with her and explain to her that she is welcome to choose, but before she makes any reservations, you’d like to discuss the options just so she knows what she’s getting everyone into.
Post # 6
i was just discussing this with Fiance… we threw out one idea to her a few months back when they offered and Future Mother-In-Law didn’t like our idea cuz she had a problem with a waitress there once.
so i’m just gona lay off and let her decide. i don’t really have a preference and i know she’ll choose a venuw with good food, so that’s really all that matters.
but i totally understand where you’re coming from!
Post # 7
I think that she gave your Fiance the chance to be involved and he dropped the ball. Since she already tried to include him in the decision and he didn’t do anything, I can see why now she’s just going to decide herself. Maybe she’s afraid he’ll never make a decision?
Post # 8
I think I agree with MightySapphire maybe you could ask her in conversation and offer any help. Then she might be excited to tell you some things and want your opinions.
Post # 9
It seems like she already tried to include you, and probably was under the impression that it wasn’t a high priority or you so she decided to take care of it herself. Regardless, the Rehearsal Dinner is basically her gift to you, and as such it is really up to her what she gets you. As with most presents, the person doing the giving chooses what they think it is appropriate, not the other way around. I’m sure she has only your best interest in mind and will make it wonderful.
Post # 10
I’m the MOG and and am hosting the rehearsal dinner this July at my son and FDIL’s mini destination wedding. My FDIL and I just returned from visiting the beach town (4 hours away) where they are marrying to pick out a Rehearsal Dinner site. I really wanted her to help pick out a fun place that would be meaningful to both her and my son. I had been looking online and calling several restaurants and was concerned about the high cost and the small size of most of the private rooms. We thought about having a BBQ at a local park, but with all the permits for alcohol and the site fees, it really didn’t save much and was going to be a lot of work for us. We finally found that their favorite college bar and grill would be willing to rope off part of their patio for us. It’s probably not what I would have picked, but the look of joy on her face convinced me that it was the right place! When she called my son to tell him the news, he was equally excited. We’re going with a limited menu of 3 choices (Burgers, Tri-tip sandwiches, or Cobb Salads with baskets of fries and pitchers of beer) So, although it is not mandatory that your Mother-In-Law get your approval for the Rehearsal Dinner, I think it would be nice if you could work together. Just be sure you take into consideration her budget and give her an idea of what kind of atmosphere you would like.
Post # 11
I think we lucked out…our wedding is in our city (both sets of parents are OOT), so both my parents & his defer to us as to which restaurants to choose for the RDs (we’re having two & each will host one). We’re keeping their budgets in mind, but we get to choose, make reservations, & set the invite list (just the participants in the weddings & their SOs & kids).
I agree with PPs…it sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law gave your Fiance the opportunity to have input & he dropped the ball. You could try to contact her, like @mightysapphire & @MjBroksan suggested, & offer to help, but it’s her gift & her money. It may not be to your taste, but she’s got your interests in mind & as the host, probably will choose something nice. If you have a specific theme or style in mind, you might share it with her, but don’t expect her to immediately comply if she has something else in mind. Good Luck!
Post # 12
I know it seems to be the norm, but I really don’t agree with “they paid, so they choose”. It’s still the bride and groom’s wedding. The parents are giving the money as a gift for the wedding. When I have kids, they will be allowed to do whatever they choose with the money – just like my FI’s and parents did with us.
Post # 13
I am an MOG and I would take the advice of my kids as to which venue they liked better. It’s worth a tactful try.