Weddingbee boards

As they say long time lurker first time poster...

I purchased a house about a month after meeting my now FI. At the time, I had been house hunting for almost a year and had no idea that a year after buying my house I would be planning a wedding. So that being said my mortgage is obviously in my name. We have been living together pretty much since the time I took possession of my home and from the beginning I have wanted him to feel like it is "ours" not just mine. Despite living together he already had his own apartment and it cost more to break his lease than it did to just finish it out. His lease ends this month and we have already worked out all our finances as far as rent and other expenses are concerned. We have talked about finances many times and in great detail. We have worked up a budget for every single expense including emergency savings, wedding savings, honeymoon savings, paying off our higher interest credit cards etc... It seemed we had a really solid plan.

So on to why I am writing this...
Last night FI talked to his mom for a bit longer than usual and when he got off the phone he asked about my mortgage and would his name be added. I had done a little research into this previously and talked a lot with coworkers, family, etc. From what I understand you can't just add a name to the mortgage you have to refinance. I have NO issue with him being on my mortgage. My problem is by the time we get married in November it is very possible that the interest rates will be higher than the rate I currently have. Also, we will have to deal with closing costs again and after a wedding and honeymoon we aren't really going to have a couple thousand dollars sitting around for that. I explained all of this to him but he seemed pretty dissapointed/upset about it. I am not sure what his mom said to him and he wouldn't tell me all the details but I know the phrase "just in case something happened" and "will she just be your landlord" were thrown in there. I have zero issues with his mother, we get along fabulously and I really couldn't be happier about the way they welcomed me into their family. I am certain that her issues she brought up with FI concerning the mortgage have nothing to do with me as a person and more with the "what ifs" in general of marriage.

So long story short I am looking for advice from others who owned their own home before marriage and how they dealt with it. Thank you!

I think what he and his mother are concerned about is being added to the deed.  Being added to the mortgage does not automatically give you ownership rights, it just makes you financially liable in default.

If you want to add him to the deed, you can do so without a refi. 

But, IMO, he doesn't need to be on either the mortgage or the deed.  You can will him a percentage of your "estate" in the event of your death.  And in the event of a divorce, you should retain your home and equity.  I would personally probably take that a step further with a pre-nup that really spells out ownership.

We're in the same place - FI bought a house while we were dating and I've always lived there and it's definitely "mine" too, but I am not on the mortgage. At the time (before marriage) it didn't make sense to me. I certainly didn't want to be tied to a house together if god forbid we didn't work out. However, my income certainly goes toward the mortgage, furnishings and everything else ... so I am on the title of the house. That just means that he can't sell the house from underneath me without my signature, and if something were to happen to him, I would get the first crack and refinancing the house to keep it.

I would say adding him to the title would make the most sense at this point. Once we're married, I would like to be on the mortgage, because its great for your credit, but I am not interested in paying all the closing costs/fees again... so we're going to hold off until it makes better financially sense. It's not our "forever" home anyway, so I will most likely just wait for the next house. :)

Thanks everyone! Lots of great advice. I agree with @Soon2beeMrsM: I need to figure out more about what his/his mother's concerns really are. I tried to get more information out of him last night but he just blew it off as if it wasn't really her pushing him. Things she has said in the past make me think she is at least a little uncomfortable with the fact that I make more than her son. I know he has no problem with it but enough pressure from her may be making him a bit uncomfortable with the circumstances. I will definitely ask a few more questions tonight.

@indecisive_bride_2012  and @bells:I really don't think that is true the lender isn't going to add a party to the mortgage without doing a credit check. I have done a little research into it and there have been plenty of posters saying refinancing is indeed required.

Also, @indecisive_bride_2012: obviously it isn't any of his mother's business but this is the real world. Mothers are programmed to look out for their children from birth on. We both already know my mother is going to be a huge pain when we have kids, it is just a fact. I don't think telling his mother this isn't any of her business and to butt out is a good way to start our marriage.

The fact remains that even if she has no right to bring it up she did and now it is something to think about/deal with.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

@kperry3:As stated earlier this isn't really about his mother. I don't think he is a "momma's boy". It would be completely hypocritical for me to tell him to grow up and stop allowing his mom to run his life because honestly my mother is WAY more overbearing and meddlesome. She drives us both nuts but she is still my mother and he knew what he was getting into when he asked me to marry him. I really have no problem with his mom bringing up her concerns to him. I think it was more of a "have you thought/talked about this yet" type conversation.

Once again this ISN'T about his mother it is about what others have done in regards to a home purchased independently prior to marriage.

Thanks!

@indecisive_bride_2012: I highly doubt we will have a perfect marriage, but here is to hoping! I think if you are close to your family as we both are you are going to deal with some annoying meddling from time to time. We definitely stand our ground on things that matter, but there are some things it is just easier to back down on if it keeps the peace. Growing up my mom's favorite quote when we were mad at her was "you don't have to like me but you have to love me". There are many times I really dislike my mother but I will always love her. I am sure as the years go by I will feel the same way about FMIL. No matter how much I dislike her at times in the future she is my FH's mom and therefore I have to love her. I am sure that in twenty years or so I will be the annoying, overbearing, meddling mom... oh the circle of life!

So we discussed it in more detail last night, I explained how it wouldn't make financial sense to add him if we can't get the same or lower interest rate. So basically we agreed that we would talk to our bank and see what a refinance would cost us, if it doesn't add to the monthly payments we will go ahead with it and if it does than he is ok with just letting it be.

Thanks for all the advice and opinions!