(Closed) Do I include my brothers in the wedding party?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Include my brothers in the wedding party?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    26 %
    No : (9 votes)
    33 %
    Only the 25 yr old : (1 votes)
    4 %
    Both brothers : (10 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    what about making him a usher instead of a groomsman?

    Post # 4
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    how about having them stand up for you? if i was your brother and we got along, i would be honored to stand up with you…….”men of honor.” you don’t necessarily need to have an even wedding party or have equal numbers of men/women on each side, unless that’s what you want.

    Post # 5
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Hi Flyfifiz…I’m kind of in the same situation. I have three brothers and my youngest who is 8 is def going to be my ring bearer. My other two brothers are 29 and 33. My FI gets along well with them, but he already has 3 groomsmen while I have 2 possibly 3 bridesmaids. We wanted a small wedding party, but I really want to include them in the wedding since I was apart of both of theirs. I thought about having them walk me half way down the aisle and then hand off to dad but I’m not quite sure that would work. I’m still trying to figure it out..hopefully we’ll get some good ideas.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    Both or neither. My FI and I actually had the EXACT same dilemma, and I decided to have my brothers stand up with me.

    Post # 7
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am kinda in the same situation.  We asked both of my brothers (ages 35 and 31) to be groomsmen for my fiance.  They aren’t super close, but it was really important to me to have them in our party.  In years to come, I want to look at my wedding pictures and have my family in our party.  His sister is in my bridal party as well.  I think it also helps with the bonding/blending of families.  And no, 15 isn’t too young to be a groomsmen!

    Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    I am in a similar situation, wedding of 100, trying to keep the wedding party small with 4 BM and 4 GM. I have 2 brothers and one cousin who is like a brother to me, FI has 1 sister. His sister will be on my side and my brothers will be on his. That left me with my cousing who I don’t want to leave out so we are planning to ask him to do a reading during the ceremony. My Youngest brother will be 18 and our youngest groomsman if that helps. I don’T think 15 is too young as long as he can handle the job maturely. What type of ceremony are you having, maybe you could give him a different job like bringing up the gifts (Catholic mass), handing out programs or ushering grandmas and other respected guests to their seats. My brother was 14 when my cousin got married and he was in charge of programs and hung out with the ushers, he wore a suit and tie to coordinate with  the wedding party but not a tux. Being 14, he was not really into the whole wedding party anyway and clearly could not partake in the pre-wedding bonding events so this way he didn’t feel left out and he just needed to show up for the rehersal and on the day.

    Post # 9
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Make them ushers or have them stand for you. Personally, we included my brothers as GM although they aren’t friends with him, although they get along. He decided it would be thoughtful and the right thing to do and he passed up some of this other friends in order to have my brothers in the bridal party…it meant a lot to me. There are other ways to include them like ushers, or on your side, or maybe have them as readers at the ceremony, or if you feel comfortable with a large wedding party…go for it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1956 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    My brother is part of our wedding party, that was just automatic when we started planning the wedding…If you don’t want to have them as GM’s bc of numbers, mayvbe have one be an usher and one do a reading or something? It would definitely be nice to include them in some way for the wedding…

    Post # 11
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I hear ya.  I wanted my brother in my wedding.  But my husband felt he had enoguh groomsmen and didn’t ask him.  (And we are a little too traditional to have him stand up on my side.)  to this day, I still wish we had him in the wedding.

    I do like the idea of having them as ushers.  But however you divide it, if you want them to be in the wedding, I think they should be.  If it’sthat important to you, I think you FI should bend on this for you.  I didn’t push the issue when I got married, but now wish I had.

    Post # 12
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Stand them on your side OR have them be ushers. They’ll still be in the wedding party. I wouldn’t push it too much–you don’t have to tell your FI who should stand next to him unless his sisters are standing on your side. We had DH’s sister stand on her side and it was really cute =]

    Post # 13
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    What do you want to do? We are having an uber tiny wedding ceremony of like 20 people. I originally thought I would only ask my best friend to stand with me, but then I realized that both of us really wanted to involve our sibs and so we both have two standing with us. Ultimately, weddings are about the couple, but we can’t deny the fact that they are also about family and including them was important.

    I think if you don’t ask them to be in the wedding party, ask them to be a part of something. Like have them read a passage together or usher as pps have suggested.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    both of my brothers are going to be ushers since they aren’t super close to my FI.  But, If I had the uneven problem like you, I would probably have them stand on my side. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think his groomsman should be friends or family that he has a close bond with. If he does not have a close relationship with your brothers you should forgive him if he does not want to include them. My FI has four sisters. If I did that I would have none of my friends or family in the bridal party. A large wedding party=more headache and planning for you.

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