Please tell me this is temporary!!!
more by Mrs. Starfish
Adding a little more fluff? Help Please!
How do you decide whether or not to invite family when you don't know them?
more in Etiquette
Do people REALLY understand about not being invited/receiving partial invites?
Where can I go to take asian engagement pictures in NY?
more in Boards
Taiwanese + Korean , American wedding?

Do I add them to the guest list?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: Should we go ahead and add him?
    Yes, he should be invited. : (4 votes)
    20 %
    Wait & see : (11 votes)
    55 %
    No, a wedding is not the time to meet a new b/f : (5 votes)
    25 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    Mrs. Starfish    03/27/2010   Myrtle Beach, SC

      So I get a call from FI's mom which was absolutely the best conversation we've had yet! We talked about more than just wedding stuff & was kind of "bonding" which is what I have been wanting. BUT while we were talking she mentioned that we would need to make sure we added & guest to one of FI's cousin's invites for her boyfriend & now that FI's sister is dating we will need to add him to the list as well.... while it was something I had considered FI's sister JUST (in the last week) added to her facebook that she is in a relationship & FI had only heard about it when his mom told him at dinner last weekend when we were visiting. Now if in 6 months when the wedding rolls around she's still with him I can see her wanting to bring him but should I add him this soon? We already have a guest list of 170 and are crossing our fingers that 20 RSVP no since we have a 150 max. (highly likely since it is destination for the guests). There are many other long time family friends or more distant relatives I have left out in order to maintain a sane guest list. I mean my bridesmaids aren't even bringing their spouses (their choice). The other thing is we were kinda wanting this to be more of a family thing not a big invite everyone you know thing.... although if he's her "one" I don't want to look back and regret not inviting him. I don't know.... your opinions?! Is it totally wrong of me to think of not inviting him?

     
    2.
    Member Icon
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    GI Josephine    July 14, 2012   Cleveland, Ohio

    if other cousins get "& guest," I think this cousin should also get the privilege.  if other siblings get "& guest," I think FSIL should too.  all is fair in love and weddings!  just my opinion!

     
    3.
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    Mrs. Starfish    03/27/2010   Myrtle Beach, SC

      The other cousins aren't getting and guest.... my sibling is 16 and his other sisters are 14 & 18 and they are not bringing their boyfriends? This is a strictly family only wedding... we have THAT many family members.

     
    4.
    Member Icon
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    GI Josephine    July 14, 2012   Cleveland, Ohio

    I would say def. no "& guest" to the cousin then.  If you make exceptions with one then it could possibly lead to more tough decisions!  Explain to FMIL your guest list situation and that you already could be over your guest limit!  She should understand.. :)  I think you should wait with your FSIL and if it gets serious, invite him. 

    Now, how the heck do I change my vote?????

     
    5.
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    Mrs. Starfish    03/27/2010   Myrtle Beach, SC

     Haha it's okay. It's very hard to draw the line on who's in & who isn't! I definately didn't think the guest list would be the hardest part!

     
    6.
    Member Icon
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    GI Josephine    July 14, 2012   Cleveland, Ohio

    I understand!  I'm lucky in that our venue accomodates 300 guests.  I'm actually in a similar situation because half of my guest list will be travelling as well!  

    good luck with your predicament :)

    PS I got engaged in Myrtle Beach!  I love it there!

     
    7.
    Member
    5,018 posts
    Bee Keeper
    RecessionistaBride    January 28, 2012  

    Nope! Don't invite their BFs. No one else is bringing their SO (including your BMs) & you said you cut a lot of family members to get the guest list as it is... so unless these people are engaged or living together: they don't get an invite.

    If they aren't happy about it, too bad. Explain that you're already 20 people over your venues max or tell them they'll have to share a seat & split a meal.

     
    8.
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    MjBroksan    November 6 2010   Arkansas Wedding in Florida

    With your guest list already high I would tell her your delimma and say maybe you couild not add them to invitations and get back to her after the rsvps. she should understand.

     
    9.
    Hostess
    2,252 posts
    Buzzing bee
    chelseamorning    November 1, 2008   Washington, DC/Atlanta

    I would try to find a way to invite them. This exact same thing happened to me: my husband's cousin was newly dating someone, and I didn't include the new boyfriend on the invite. Well, he showed up anyway (miscommunication where she asked my MIL, who is her aunt, if he could come, and she said yes without informing me). At the time I was indignant---how could she bring her boyfriend of 5 months to my wedding without express permission!? Now I am totally red in the face. They got married in August---only 9 months after our wedding. And all I could think about at their wedding was how I had been so uncouth as to not invite him to my wedding....

    I understand the limitations of your venue---I would just explain to the FMIL that you want to invite them but that since you didn't know about them before, you want to make sure there is going to be enough room before you say yes and they buy nonrefundable plane tickets only to have nowhere to sit at your reception. You'll probably have word on whether it's possible sooner than you think.

     
    10.
    Member
    2,001 posts
    Buzzing bee
    arizonabride    June 2, 2010   Tucson, AZ

    I would say that if you are not extending +1s to other family, then NO - you should not add them. But you could wait and see if you get more declines than expected and extend a +1 later if you have room.

     
    11.
    Member
    5,511 posts
    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I think if your FMIL made the request, you should take it into consideration.  I completely understand wanting to keep the numbers down, but I'm pro +1, for the sake of the guest fully enjoying themselves and being comfortable.

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Brielle 44
    ndreighton 36
    caseyleigh10 30
    vorpalette 29
    les105 24
    ellisrobertson 24
    mypinkshoes 23
    fishbone 23
    lionskitty 22
    SouthernGirl 21

    Etiquette

    User Posts Today
    fishbone 4
    lilgrizzlygirl 3
    thursdayschild 3
    eagle 3
    tnanog 3
    SapphireSun 2
    andielovesj 2
    j_jaye 2
    Brielle 2
    likelimeade 2
    More