Post # 1
I currently work in a position at the local State University that is a “job” but not what I’d like my career to be. I am beginning a MS program in Community Psychology in 2 months.
My current job is fine. It’s not challenging but my boss is really flexible and believes in full work/life balance. Therefore, I am allowed a great deal of freedom to take time off when needed/wanted. I don’t get paid well, especially when you take into account that it is required to have a Bachelors to even be considered for the job but the amount of PTO is really great.
Well, I saw this opportunity to work as an Administrative Support Specialist for a local town. Again, the job description does not seem that challenging but I’d get paid almost $5.00 more an hour. Local government still has great benefits and you can participate in the state retirement system. it would be great to have the $ to pay some of my MS tuition since I also have undergrad student loans to pay back.
Problem is, my FI and I have very different views on my looking for a position that pays more. I make more than him in my current position but he also does not have a degree. I think that the thought of me making even more, is a bit of a hit to his “manhood” even though he knows that I’ll most likely always make more than him since I’ll have a MS.
We come from different family environments when it comes to higher education in that my parents encouraged me to go to college and go as far as I could. His parents never discouraged but finding a “good” steady job was the most important. Therefore, FI thinks that since I work for the University, I’ll always have a job there (not true since I am on the bottom of the State Caste system and college enrollment drops more and more every year) and I should be happy.
What do I do? Apply anyway and see where it goes? Leave it be since FI isn’t so supportive of this? Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated! Thanks 🙂
Post # 3
YES! I went through this with my DH in the beginning of our relationship. There was a period of time where he was underemployed, and I made more. I still make more. To be honest, it all led to a conversation before we were married about this, and if he could handle this as likely it would always be this way.
Bottom line, a city job is more money, more security and retirement focused, This will benefit not only you, but him and your family in the long run.
Post # 4
@jmmacdon: The thing is this would most likely also be temporary since it really has nothing to do with what my MS will be in. I’d stay for the length of time spent in my program and the time to find an internship/job for licensure.
Still think it’s a good idea just based on the more $ aspect and the same benefits basically??
Post # 5
@BlueBelle0927: Definitely apply for the job! It’s not like applying will guarantee getting the job, anyway. If you do get it, great, you’ll make more. If you don’t, oh well, no harm done. But I think it might be good to have a conversation with your FI about the fact that you’ll probably make more than him for a good portion of your working lives, since you are going to have a Master’s degree.
Post # 6
He’s gonna have to get over his hurt ego. This is why a lot of women won’t date a man who makes less (or at least significantly less) than them. “significantly” less is obviously subjective. You’re on the path to be making good money…if he has a problem with $5 more now, what’s going to happen when it’s a lot more than that? I think he needs to find a way to get over it or it’s definitely going to impact your relationship. As it is it seems like he’s trying to hold you back a bit here.
Post # 7
The new position sounds better overall except is there less flexibility with scheduling and hours? How important is that to you?
Post # 8
If the only reason he doesn’t want you to apply is his “manhood” being threatened, you should apply because that is dumb
Post # 9
@Creiddylad: @soontobemrsm11: Thanks for the support, ladies!
We’ve actually had the convo many times about me making more for basically the rest of our lives together. The reason I think it is a little bit about a hurt ego is that, lately we’ve had some short term financial difficulties (dental bills for me, medical bills for him) and I suggested that I look for a better paying job. His comment in a joking way was “I’m the man so I should be making more money anyways”. I then responded “We’ve talked about this and with my masters, I’ll probably always make more. I thought you were okay with that” He said” I was kidding. Of course it’s okay”.
I was annoyed at that point and didn’t feel like talking about it but we’ll be doing a pre-marital course soon so it’ll definitely be something I bring up again since this “joke” was a surprise to me.
@fascinated: Hours would be the same probably (1st shift) but right now my boss is really flexible and lets us take off whenever. I’d have the same amount of PTO, but since I have no idea what my new boss would be and what type of demands he/she would have, I’m unsure it would be as flexible for taking time off.
Post # 10
Apply anyway! It will help him get accustomed to you making way more than him!
Post # 11
@BlueBelle0927: Absolutely apply! I would be upfront with your FI though and not go behind his back or anything. It’s always a good experience to apply for jobs and go through the resume/interviewing process even if you ultimately don’t decide to take it. One thing to consider is how flexible the new position would be with your grad school work!
Post # 13
Yes! Apply of you want to apply! FI should have no issue or say in the matter tbh unles it would mean a pay cut or move or significant change in his life.
Post # 14
I would be really annoyed and hurt if FH discouraged me from applying for a job because me earning more would hurt his ego. I presume you’re going to combine finances when you’re married? It all comes out of the same pot. He needs to get over this and fast.
Post # 15
@MabelleBliss: I agree that if it was just about the “manhood” then it would be stupid but I think it is more about his upbringing. He thinks I make a lot of $ but I don’t even make $30k WITH a degree and student loans from my undergrad. He knows all this but I take care of our finances so I think it is more in front of me than him. He didn’t save, had zero credit and basically lived somewhat frivulously until I came into the picture. I take care of our joint bills and make our financial plan for the future so this stuff just isn’t in his repetoire.
In a lot of ways we are opposite in the gender roles society has deemed acceptable since I make more $, have a higher level of education and he does all of the cooking, meal planning and most of the cleaning. That’s why I was surprised by his “joke” about how he is supposed to make more $ than me.
Post # 16
@newlynesting: I’ll definitely let him know I am applying. Also, my grad work is weekends only and I am assuming that this job would be 1st shift M-F but I’ll definitely be asking that if I get far enough in the process.
I think OP makes FI look masoginistic and he really isn’t. I make my own decisions re: these things but I always take his opinion into account and he does mine.
I really don’t think he cares that I’ll make more than him. I just think that he believes in sticking with a “good” job when you get one. However, this would be because his dad raised him to just be thankful for a job that put food on the table and a roof over your head. Whether you enjoyed it, helped you have a more full life or reduced your level of financial stress was never a something that weighed in. Plus in our area, loyalty to a company that has been “good” to you is sometimes more important than ones’ individual success :/