(Closed) Do I ask my Dad if he is dying?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
166 posts
Blushing bee

{{{{HUGS}}}} I am so sorry to hear about your parents and their illnesses.  I sympathize with you greatly.  If I were in your shoes, I would definitely have a talk with your dad.  I lost my dad 8 years ago and have many regrets.  My dad had been seriously ill for several years and towards the end, I saw him slipping away each time I saw him.  I actually made a comment that he only had weeks to live, not months as my sister in law suspected.  Sure enough, 3 weeks later we lost him.  I was in denial about it and I have so many regrets that I didn’t talk to him about his illness or other things significant in our lives.  I fear that you will soon lose your dad.  With such a long history of fighting his cancer and its recurrence in several locations in his body, I believe your time with your dad will be short.  I’m sure he doesn’t want to tell you because of the wedding.  When is your wedding?  (I’m new to the boards and don’t know anything about you yet).  I strongly encourage you to broach the subject with him and make sure he knows how much you love him. 


Post # 4
5985 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

i am so sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through. <hugs> This must be a very difficult time for you. I will add your family to my thoughts and prayers. I think you should sit down with your dad and ask him what his status is. is he sick? is he in remission? ect. you deserve to know and i am sure he would be honest with you. It is such a sad and tough situation but you should know. 

Please keep us updated on things. let us know how the conversation goes and how he is doing. 

Take care of yourself and stay strong.

Post # 5
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Im sorry you are going through this.  Its nice to hear that you have a great relationship with him.  He is probably trying to spare your feelings, so maybe just take it for what he tells you and treat everyday special.  Parents always try to protect their kids’ feelings.

Post # 6
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Why don’t you talk to his doctor before you talk to him? That way you’ll get the whole honest truth and realistic expectations. My mom just went through breast cancer too (she’s fine now), but she kept thinking it was going to come back whereas her doctor kept assuring us that everything looked great. Best wishes to all of you.

Post # 7
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think even though she’s in Canada that HIPAA-type privacy regulations still prevent her dad’s doctor from sharing any medical information with her…

I think you should have a very blunt, candid conversation with your dad.  The thing about illness and cancer is that it can give people an appreciation for open conversations.  My aunt said she doesn’t have time for nicities and beating around the bush anymore.  And most of our conversations are very blunt.  She never hides what she’s feeling, because she doesn’t fear being judged or how it’ll sound or any of that.  She says she’s “more herself now.”  It sounds like your mom spilled the beans on some news he hasn’t shared with you, or maybe they just had a conversation and he confided in her that he thinks that cancer will kill him, but didn’t necessarily mean this year.  Or maybe he did.  But I think that you should just talk to him about it.  Be honest about what you are feeling and that you hope he would tell you the truth which would be better than “sparing” your feelings.

Post # 8
7349 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think its hard because parents don’t want to burden their children with their problems- eventhough you’d love to support him I’m sure.  I hope that you two can have a good, honest conversation.

Post # 9
2889 posts
Sugar bee

If you have any concerns, you should talk to your dad. In your situation, I would rather know the truth before it’s too late.  I recently learned that someone can be terminally ill for an extended period of time. My mom’s best friend has been fighting cancer for the past 5ish years and from time to time she goes into remission for a few months but her Dr. told her she was terminal some time ago and the fight is just to push off the inevitable and hope for remission. Like your dad, her cancer started in one place and spread to others. I think this is really a sign that things won’t get better long term but can be fine for periods of time. I don’t want to sound negative, this is just from my experience with the term terminal.

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