Post # 1
I started dating my boyfriend in late January. In about February, a friend of mine let me know that I would be invited to her 100 person (budgeted) wedding. In April I received the invitation that clearly only invited me to the June wedding. Later that month, the friend had an engagement party and made sure to let me know that I should bring my boyfriend.
I’ve been to several of her hosted parties alone and I would be fine going to her wedding alone, but I’m wondering if my boyfriend is expected to come. I don’t want to bring him if he is not invited and I don’t want to show up and regret not having him there if she asks where he is. Should I go ahead and just ask her if he is invited? I don’t want to make it seem like I am forcing him into the party; I just need clarification.
Post # 3
Did she know you were dating him before you brought him to the party? It sounds like her invitation came before the party, so my guess is that she met him and overrode the invitation. I suppose since a party can involve lots of conversations peole forget, (not to mention perhaps some alcohol), I would just give her a call and double check.
Post # 4
No. She knew you were dating him, and did not include "and guest" to you, so he is not invited. I think that her making a point to tell you you are invited to her 100-person-budget-friendly wedding is her way of giving you the heads up not to expect it.
Post # 5
I think the invitations were made in the grey area when we were first dating. When the engagement party came up, she specifically said, "bring Alex." I wasn’t sure if that was the hint that he was now included since etiquette rules usually say to only invite people to the engagement party that are also invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
Can you just ask her? But let her know you feel fine either way, and that you know she is on a budget?
Post # 7
I agree, it sounds like your boyfriend is not invited or she would have extended you the "and guest." Even if it was an oversight (i.e. maybe the invites were done by a calligrapher or otherwise already printed before she knew you were dating someone), if she expected you to bring him she would have probably mentioned it to you. I think most brides are pretty deliberate about their guest list.
Post # 8
I’m confused, she said "Bring Alex" in reference to the engagement party right, not the wedding? Unless she brings up bringing him to the wedding, I don’t think she intends for you to bring a guest. Asking you to bring your new boyfriend to a hosted party at her place to get to know him better is one thing; it doesn’t really mean he can come to the wedding. I’d leave it alone – it sounds like she doesn’t have room for people to start asking if guests can come.
Post # 9
I see what you’re saying, but I’d feel a little weird asking my friend if I can bring my boyfriend. You haven’t been dating that long anyways. She already implied it’s a "budget" wedding only 100 people. That’s a small wedding.
I think that she wanted him to come to the engagement party b/c that’s obvoiusly an appropriate situation for a date. She would have mentioned to you that it’s ok to bring him to the wedding right then and there, if she had wanted to extend the invitation. I’m sure she knows she didn’t give you an "and guest" option. Otherwise, she is probably hoping that you get the hint but she still wants to be nice and meet him and stuff.
If it were me and I had a friend like you who just started dating, and I wanted him to come (and felt it was appropriate given the situation) i would have said something like, "oh by the way I know it wasn’t on your invitation, but I wanted to let you know it’s ok to bring Alex, just let me know".
Post # 10
Just ask her. Don’t make it into something bigger than it is, just something like, "Hey, were you expecting me to bring Alex to the wedding?" Keep it casual and make sure she knows you are cool with whatever answer she gives.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
"the friend had an engagement party and made sure to let me know that I should bring my boyfriend"
Sounds like that was his invitation? Perhaps she was getting more no responses than she anticipated, and also noticed your relationship growing, so she extended Alex the invite. It’s not as if she avoided it, she reached out to you and said that you could invite him.
It doesn’t sound as if he’s "expected" to come, but it sounds like she’s invited him. Like PPs said, it is probably just best to ask, and maybe pose it in a neutral way, like suggesting that you are happy to come celebrate with them on your own, and you know it’s a budget wedding, but you remembered her saying at her Eparty that you should bring your BF along, so you were wondering if that offer still stands. You never know, they might be in a situation where they are requred to pay a minimum for food/drinks, and after recieving RSVPs, they notice that they are under their minimum, in which case they’d be more than happy to host your boyfriend (or it would go to waste).
Post # 12
i also vote for asking. as long as you don’t bully her "alex can come right?" you are just clarifying i have had a couple people ask me if their so or in one case roomate can come. I just said no sorry we were super tight on space, but i hope you can make it and i’ll be sure to seat you near people you know.
Post # 13
I think in this situation, it’s ok to ask. Like others have said, make sure that you’re not putting the pressure on her about this. If she says no, drop it. I think you’ve got the right idea about this whole situation. Good luck and I hope Alex gets to come!
Post # 14
She’s obviously a pretty good friend, so I would just ask. Just be careful when doing so and make it clear that YOU ARE NOT PRESSING FOR AN INVITATION for him, you are just clarifying. No hurt feelings, just need to know.
Post # 15
just ask if he is included and that you understand if he is not; if she did not say and guest then it’s pretty clear he is not invited; the ptehr parties are not a big a deal; but it doesnt hurt to ask
I know if I didn’t put and guest that’s exactly what I meant; I made it clear to my friends no guests because my party is very small just 60
Post # 16
I would assume he’s not invited – if I understand you correctly, she told you to bring Alex to the engagement party itself, not "make sure to bring Alex to the wedding." If you’re fine coming alone, I would just leave it. I’m sure with such a tight guest list, she’s getting a lot of requests for +1’s, and that must be hard.