(Closed) Do I confront her?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do I tell my friend I'm upset she took advantage of me?
    Yes - tell her it was wrong to accept a free plane ticket when she obviously didn't need it : (8 votes)
    14 %
    No - what's done is done, just avoid her and know she's not a real friend : (50 votes)
    85 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I don’t think you should say anything to her, but consider it a lesson learned.  You were kind in your offer and she accepted.  End of story.

    Post # 4
    1058 posts
    Bumble bee

    It sounds like she is becoming less of a friend as time goes on since you are hiding her and unsubscribing to her blog and keeping your distance.

    If I were you I would call her up and tell her that you feel like you have been taken advantage of.  It sounds like she needs to be called out on it. I mean that’s a very generous thing to offer to someone who can already afford it especially if she can redecorate her kitchen and lives in a really nice house.

    Any respectable person would have been like, I would like to reimburse you for the ticket and thank you for helping me when I needed it. Not thanks for the ticket now I can afford to redecorate my kitchen. I would be pissed too.

    Post # 5
    3639 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt? Is it possible that her mother gave her some money specifically for her to use to “splurge”/for the house? You know, wanting to see her spend her inheritance whilst she can? 

    Post # 6
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    How rude! I would be so irritated, I’m sorry.  If I were in your situation I’d probably just let it go – she is having a tough time in her life right now, however she chooses to handle it.  But like oracle said, I’d take it as a lesson learned and distance myself from her.  That’s not the kind of friend you want. 

    Post # 7
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’d be pissed, seriously. I wouldn’t say anything to her, but like a PP said, lesson learned. I wouldn’t help her again…I’d be “too busy”!

    Post # 8
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I agree with PP lesson learned.  I would however if the opportunity presents it’s self let her know that I felt taken advantage of.

    Post # 9
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have a friend like this. They cry poverty, you pay their way HUNDREDS of times and then they go out and buy a new car. I’ve learned my lesson and I won’t be “supporting” her anymore. I think it’s best to just move on but learn from this experience. If someone has enough money to make frivolous purchases, then they don’t need our help!

    Post # 10
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @UpstateCait: Me too. It’s so hard to deal with. After I had paid for a friend a ton of times I found out she makes a significant amount more than I do. I don’t want to call myself generous, because I’m definitely not having generous feelings, lol, but I guess I was raised to believe that friends offer to do stuff for one another. The system definitely breaks down easily, though. 🙁

    Post # 11
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @15happyyears: I agree. Just ignore her, but if she ever asks again or brings up ‘why we don’t talk anymore,’ then tell her honestly why you felt slighted. 

    Post # 12
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Is it worth losing a friend over? If I were you, I would consider it a gift, and make a mental note to be more careful in the future. You were helping her out, and in my opinion, it kinda stinks to give someone something with unstated strings attached.

    Post # 13
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Confront her? No. Just never lend her anything else. In my mind, what she did totally sucks but once you part with the money, you have to let go of the control factor and consider it a gift made in good faith. She’s seemingly broken the trust, so all you can do is chalk it up to a lesson learned.

    Post # 15
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @smokipenelope, I don’t think anyone knows all the details of someone’s personal financial situation. What if the money she’s using to spruce up her kitchen was a gift from a family member or a project she put deposits down on long ago? I think it’s rude of you to judge the way she spends her money just because you gave her a gift. She never asked you for the plane ticket, you offered it, and now you dont feel like she deserved it because she’s not sufferering enough for your liking. You asked if you were overreacting, and I think yes, you are.

    Post # 16
    2742 posts
    Sugar bee

    Well, I know folks do have soft hearts. I remember complaining about wedding expenses and well, money was getting tight. I didn’t know my friend took it to heart. I went to see her one day and as I was leaving, she gave me a check for a huge sum of money. I was so shocked. I tried to not take it but she insisted. I took it and went home and called her telling her that well, my bitching was just kvetching and I honestly didn’t need the money but I felt somehow refusing something someone gave me with a good heart. The next time I went over, I slipped it in her bag and then texted her to get it. By The Way, she is not financially well off at all, she just had a really good heart. Made me realize that maybe I should tone down the whole ‘Weddings are too god damn expensive’ rants Laughing

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