Post # 1
Not wedding related, but she was a wedding guest, if that counts. 🙂
A friend of mine that I got hired at my job was laid off a year later. I felt horrible since I had brought her into the place, and she kept telling me how tough things were for her and her husband, money was tight, she wasn’t getting any interviews, and on top of that, she found out her mom had cancer.
I’m the type who tries to help where I can, so after hearing about how it was going to be next to impossible for her to afford a plane ticket to see her mother, I offered to get her one with skymiles, she gratefully accepted. I should have seen a red flag when after offering her one ticket, she said she needed a second for her daughter. Now, she and I both knew I could have gifted two free tickets, but I held my tongue, and she paid for her daughters ticket. (I felt it would be rude to retract the free ticket minutes after I’d offered it).
A few weeks goes by, and I learn from her blog that she’s bought antiques and is redecorating her kitchen. And this girl has an exquisite house, so for her to be redecorating isn’t just a can of paint and some elbow grease. It’s going to look great (heck, it already does) and it’s going to cost some money. Now, it’s not like I offered her a plane ticket with the caveat of “don’t splurge on anything”, but at the same time, I got a woe is me sob story, I offered to help, and she took advantage of it. I’m pretty sure she didn’t really need my help, so now I’m really frustrated and feel like I’ve been taken advantage of. Am I overreacting? Do I confront her? I don’t really want money back (the $200 for the plane ticket is much less than the amount of a plane ticket I would have bought if using miles for myself). I’ve hidden her on FB (she’d notice if I dropped her) and I unsubscribed from the blog. And I’m going to shut my mouth next time I hear a sob story, as according to another friend, I’m known for helping if I get a good enough story. 🙁
Post # 3
I don’t think you should say anything to her, but consider it a lesson learned. You were kind in your offer and she accepted. End of story.
Post # 4
It sounds like she is becoming less of a friend as time goes on since you are hiding her and unsubscribing to her blog and keeping your distance.
If I were you I would call her up and tell her that you feel like you have been taken advantage of. It sounds like she needs to be called out on it. I mean that’s a very generous thing to offer to someone who can already afford it especially if she can redecorate her kitchen and lives in a really nice house.
Any respectable person would have been like, I would like to reimburse you for the ticket and thank you for helping me when I needed it. Not thanks for the ticket now I can afford to redecorate my kitchen. I would be pissed too.
Post # 5
Perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt? Is it possible that her mother gave her some money specifically for her to use to “splurge”/for the house? You know, wanting to see her spend her inheritance whilst she can?
Post # 6
How rude! I would be so irritated, I’m sorry. If I were in your situation I’d probably just let it go – she is having a tough time in her life right now, however she chooses to handle it. But like oracle said, I’d take it as a lesson learned and distance myself from her. That’s not the kind of friend you want.
Post # 7
I’d be pissed, seriously. I wouldn’t say anything to her, but like a PP said, lesson learned. I wouldn’t help her again…I’d be “too busy”!
Post # 8
I agree with PP lesson learned. I would however if the opportunity presents it’s self let her know that I felt taken advantage of.
Post # 9
I have a friend like this. They cry poverty, you pay their way HUNDREDS of times and then they go out and buy a new car. I’ve learned my lesson and I won’t be “supporting” her anymore. I think it’s best to just move on but learn from this experience. If someone has enough money to make frivolous purchases, then they don’t need our help!
Post # 10
@UpstateCait: Me too. It’s so hard to deal with. After I had paid for a friend a ton of times I found out she makes a significant amount more than I do. I don’t want to call myself generous, because I’m definitely not having generous feelings, lol, but I guess I was raised to believe that friends offer to do stuff for one another. The system definitely breaks down easily, though. 🙁
Post # 11
@15happyyears: I agree. Just ignore her, but if she ever asks again or brings up ‘why we don’t talk anymore,’ then tell her honestly why you felt slighted.
Post # 12
Is it worth losing a friend over? If I were you, I would consider it a gift, and make a mental note to be more careful in the future. You were helping her out, and in my opinion, it kinda stinks to give someone something with unstated strings attached.
Post # 13
Confront her? No. Just never lend her anything else. In my mind, what she did totally sucks but once you part with the money, you have to let go of the control factor and consider it a gift made in good faith. She’s seemingly broken the trust, so all you can do is chalk it up to a lesson learned.
Post # 14
@babylou – how would you feel if a friend told you she was broke, how hard it was to make ends meet, you gave her money to help out – and she went on a shopping spree? There were no unstated strings, but at the same time, it’s still frustrating.
Post # 15
@smokipenelope, I don’t think anyone knows all the details of someone’s personal financial situation. What if the money she’s using to spruce up her kitchen was a gift from a family member or a project she put deposits down on long ago? I think it’s rude of you to judge the way she spends her money just because you gave her a gift. She never asked you for the plane ticket, you offered it, and now you dont feel like she deserved it because she’s not sufferering enough for your liking. You asked if you were overreacting, and I think yes, you are.
Post # 16
Well, I know folks do have soft hearts. I remember complaining about wedding expenses and well, money was getting tight. I didn’t know my friend took it to heart. I went to see her one day and as I was leaving, she gave me a check for a huge sum of money. I was so shocked. I tried to not take it but she insisted. I took it and went home and called her telling her that well, my bitching was just kvetching and I honestly didn’t need the money but I felt somehow refusing something someone gave me with a good heart. The next time I went over, I slipped it in her bag and then texted her to get it. By The Way, she is not financially well off at all, she just had a really good heart. Made me realize that maybe I should tone down the whole ‘Weddings are too god damn expensive’ rants