Do I Dump This Friend, Say Something, Or Move On?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsBluth:  My goodness this sounds all too familiar. I’m going through something VERY similar myself.

As a objective party here I can only say that the best thing to do is to cut her out of your life. It seems that you are relieved when your contact with her is non existant. Follow your gut instinct.

Don’t worry about the fact that’s she’s your only bridesmaid, it’s more important to have people up there with you that are your genuine friends.

 

Post # 4
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrsBluth:  I have had a friend like that… unfortunately for her, I have an extremely good memory for details so every time her story changed, I would completely confront her “Didn’t you say that X happened last time you told it?? But now you’re saying Y happened? I don’t understand?” and I would almost grill her about the facts in front of the new listeners. She got pissy at me for outing her and stealing her limelight. I guess she didn’t like that too much because then I heard she was making up terrible lies about ME (telling the daycare staff that looked after our kids that I earned money by being a Dominatrix! wtf?) so I pulled my daughter from the daycare centre and I never spoke to this girl again. 

Out her, and soon enough she will realise that her gig is up. If she doesn’t like it, she knows where the door is. 

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Nothing you say to her will make her change so I wouldn’t even bother trying to call her out on the lying and hope it helps. Id probably just keep my distance and not spend time with her outside of necessary group functions. And don’t fuel the fire by respond to the lies or feeding into them. 

Post # 6
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsBluth:  First of all, let’s be honest. You’re not talking about Meredith, you’re talking about Lucille 2, AKA Ostero, AKA Liza Minnelli.  😛 Jk, hopefully that brings a smile to your face.

Being serious, I’m sorry that you have a friend like this. I’ve never really had to break up with a friend, but I think you should start just by distancing yourself. Say you’re busy every time she wants to hang out. Maybe skip a few social gatherings. Don’t host any of your own for a bit. Maybe ask your closest mutual friends to coffee or lunch or something,  one-on-one. Don’t try to mention Liza, but if she comes up naturally, be honest. It sucks to lose friends, but if they can’t figure out what’s right in front of them, are they really worth having? 

I have a best friend, who will be an MOH in my wedding,  that I’ve been close with since we were 2. It’s a rare and very special type of friendship to have, and I value it dearly. Let’s call her S. When we were in 5th grade, we befriended a new girl, let’s call her C. I think she has what your friend has, and last I heard, she’s still a pathological liar. In 6th grade, S and I had the most dramatic fight I’ve had with anyone, and we “broke up” for like a day. It was all the fault of C’s lies. Luckily, S and I went to a different middle school for 7th & 8th grade. But in 9th grade, we were at the same school, and S started to befriend her again. I kept my distance. Then C and another girl posted a “hit list” in a school bathroom. Girls they were jealous of mostly, they wouldn’t have actually hurt someone as far as I know, but they got expelled. S was on the list, I was not. So trust me, distancing yourself from this type of person is necessary. I lost a couple of peripheral friends when they believed her lies when we were at the same community college, but it was worth it. Not my fault they couldn’t figure out that she hadn’t actually donated a kidney to anyone, and I don’t need that drama in my life.

Post # 7
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsBluth:  I’m pretty sure I had the same friend except instead of fainting she “tried to commit suicide” in these elaborately staged scenes only when it was guaranteed someone would walk in during her “attempt”. She was also extremely selfish. Eventually I just started refusing to play into it which pissed her off and made her act out in really mean ways. It all came to a head when I sent back an unopened letter she sent me because my sister was in a coma at the time and I just couldn’t deal with whatever drama her letter contained. I said as much in a note I included with her letter. Well that just would not stand and she sent me a text saying no matter what was going in in my life (she knew about my sister’s coma) what I did was unforgivably rude. Oooook. So I just never spoke to her again because apparently she will never forgive me, so why try? Lucky me 🙂

 

so my advice is call her on her shit in a calm, polite way. It will piss her off so much she will end the friendship and save you the trouble. 

Post # 8
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Reminded me of SNL’s “Penelope”. But, yes, dump. Maybe call her out on her lies but I wouldn’t bother with her. I mean, when you’re relieved not to be around someone… 

Post # 9
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Reminded me of SNL’s “Penelope”. But, yes, dump. Maybe call her out on her lies but I wouldn’t bother with her. I mean, when you’re relieved not to be around someone… 

Post # 10
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

There’s life after high school. You two seemed to have grown apart when she didn’t grow up emotionally.

I think, deep down, your friend has self-esteem issues.

The best article I could find about why friends lie is this:
http://www.letsaskviolet.com/2013/02/02/how-to-deal-with-friends-who-lie/

However, nobody should EVER exaggerate or make up any stories on rape. It is challenging enough for any rape/assault victims to come forward without blaming themselves.

OP, hasn’t your friend heard of the story where the boy who cried wolf?

Post # 12
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yep, cut her out. Life is too short to deal with attention-seeking liars when it’s not strictly necessary.

Post # 13
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsBluth:  she sounds like she could potentially have some emotional/mental issues. I can understand how that can get incredibly draining on you. I, like many others, have also had this kind of friend. My ex-friend clearly had some sort of personality disorder – she wasn’t just self-centered, she was completely unable to see how her actions affected others, so nothing that happened was ever her fault. She couldn’t keep friends, couldn’t keep a guy, couldn’t keep a job, yet she had all these elaborate stories to explain the situation that made her the victim, and I truly think she believed those stories.

I won’t get into it too much, but I had to cut her off eventually due to extremely hurtful, selfish behavior. I really do think she has a problem and wish she’d get help, but untlimately I had to protect myself and couldn’t allow her to drain me anymore. I did confront her, but it fell on deaf ears. I am a loyal person just like you, I am in my early 30s and still have the same best friends I had as a teenager, but that doesn’t mean you need to keep someone around who adds no value to your life.

Post # 16
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsBluth:  I hear you. I tried for years to help my friend. As a result, I allowed myself to be disrespected by her – I gave and gave and got absolutely nothing back. It’s actually kind of sad and hurtful to look back on the things I put up with.

I don’t know that you necessarily want to do this, but as a last resort, I reached out to her and tried to voice all the things that were bothering me. She denied doing any of them! And to this day she tells people that she has no idea what she did to make me stop being her friend (even though I listed the things she did ONE BY ONE when we were having our “breakup” talk) and that she’s waiting for me to reach out and resume our friendship. Um, no.

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