Post # 1
I was emotionally traumatized in high school and even now the smell, sight, and sounds of people drinking send me into a neurotic, twitchy, sobbing mess. On really emotional days, just people talking about drinking sends me into a severely withdrawn state. My FH has been very supportive and has quite drinking altogether- only an O’douls around his friends, and never when I would see him afterwards. Some of his friends have not been supportive at all about his choice of choosing me over drinking (he used to host rather well supplied parties) and have been out-right hostile to me when drinking comes up. Most have heard my history- and have blown it off as me being overly dramatic. Our wedding will be completely dry and our location does not allow guests to bring their own, nor serve themselves. Several members of the wedding party have said they will forcibly remove anyone who tries to ruin our day with alcohol, and we will be offering a swing dance lesson and possibly an Italian Soda bar during the time between the ceremony and the reception.
Do we need to let guests know that alcohol is not permitted or served there? Some have been to this location before for other events and at the time been allowed to BYO. (this is where I felt I differed from dawnabbey’s post)
My FH had the idea of putting somewhere on the website or something “Please note that [location] does not allow outside alcohol” but I fear that is a bit deceitful and would imply that there will drinks there already. Several guests have been known to bring kegs, bottles, etc to parties where they think that there will not be enough alcohol.
Post # 3
Are you having a wedding website? I might mention that you are having a dry wedding there and no alcohol will be permitted.
Post # 4
If many of your guests know your history, they may be expecting a dry wedding. I personally don’t think you need to give a disclaimer about having no alcohol. It sounds like you have plenty of other things to entertain them rather than booze.
Post # 5
I would never assume that there would be alcohol at a wedding, and it would NEVER occur to me to bring alcohol to a wedding. I’m guessing maybe your guests are very young? If you actually think someone will bring alcohol, then I would suggest being proactive and mentioning the ‘no alcohol’ rule on the website, and I would have someone call the people you are worried about and let them know.
Post # 6
But it sounds to me like some of FI’s buddies are well aware, but yet still disrespect the fact that you’re anti-alcohol. They’re probably expecting a dry wedding, and I would imagine—coming prepared with flasks in their pockets. I think it wouldn’t hurt to make sure all of your guests know.
Post # 6
People who care about alcohol enough for it to affect their plans have a problem. I would never make a decision on whether to go to a wedding based on the bar or lack thereof, and it is so rude to BYOB. IF someone gets upset, that’s their problem. Snaps to you for having the wedding you want!
Post # 7
No. There is no need to say anything and they will find out at the reception. Most people are able to have a good time without alcohol even if they do drink occasionally. If someone cannot, then that is their own issue to deal with on their own time. Can you possibly have security of some kind (even if you hire an off-duty policeman) that who confiscates the alcohol that does come in and mentions at that time that the venue is alcohol free? It’s not up to your attendants to police everyone when that will get in the way of them being able to enjoy themselves. Good luck!
Post # 8
I don’t think you need to.
Have you seen anyone about this issue? If it is so severe that you cannot have it around you, I think you should.
Post # 9
I think you should absolutely let your guests know. This is your party, and if that is not your preference, there is nothing wrong with letting them know. BUT, they NEED to know beforehand, otherwise you might run into more problems.
So, I think putting something on the website like “This is a non-alcoholic event” is important, because it sounds like this is important to you. You want to have agood time and not have to worry about being made sick, right?
Post # 10
@nmsoonerbride: My 58 year old uncle is just as likely to bring a keg as a “gift” (as he did for my grandparents’ 50th celebration) and my FH’s 22 year old friend is to bring a couple large bottles of wine (she is one of the ones who are hostile, and is well on her way to becoming an alcoholic). There will be 4 distinct age groups, the oldest and the youngest (my 20-22 y/o friends) are the most supportive while the middle-aged and late 20’s will be the ones most likely to make the fuss.
@Selene221: We will have several Army officers there (all the way up to Major General) who are supportive and an Army reservist/Civil Service Officer has offered to be a “bouncer” of sorts (she is also a guest book attendant and can be quite intimidating when she wants to be.) I don’t think any will come in uniform (many friends coming from my hometown are Anabaptist) but it is a nice reassurance.
@menobride: It is slowly getting better and we do plan to bring this up when we start weekly counseling this fall as he is equally concerned.
Post # 11
I don’t think any of your guests will be surprised because I assume they know you very well. I hope the counseling sessions go well for both you and your FI. Hopefully you two can come to happy agreement about alcohol because I think it is wonderful he has stepped up to the plate to make you comfortable. But, this will only last as long as he is able to continue the accomodation. At some point he may want to have a beer in the comfort of his own home or have his friends visit and watch a ball game or whatever their hobbies are. So at some point you will have to take control.
Post # 12
I think it would be appropiate for you and FI to discuss the rules of your wedding with people you think are going to be a problem, but for everyone in general, it is not required f you to have alcohol so you dont need to state if you leave it out, and people shouldn’t BYOB because thats very tacky and disrecptfull of any wedding that doesnt CLEARLY state to do so!
Post # 13
I agree with PPs that if the guests you’re inviting already know you, then they likely know you’re not going to having drinking at your wedding. We are having a dry wedding, too. I’m sober and FH has never drank in his life – so it makes no sense to us to serve booze. We did not advise anyone in advance that the wedding is dry, as if they’re our guests, they already know we don’t drink and assuming we would offer booze at our wedding would be dumb.