Post # 1
So my baby shower is today. My DH cousin, who I am close with (his only cousin BTW) who we have done alot for and bent over backwards for and she was a bridesmaid in our wedding isn’t coming. Now that’s not what is bothering me. She moved back with her parents (24 years old) after she finished school earlier this year and they live 4 hour car ride away. Baby shower invites went out and her and her mom RSVP’d no cause of all that driving in a weekend…totally get it, not a problem at all. Well Friday night (It is sunday morning now) we see her status on facebook is that she is back in town in her old apartment. This apartment is 20 mins from where the shower is being held. Now she is glued to her phone like crazy and both DH and his brother saw the post and messaged her asking since she was in town was she coming to she shower she is more than welcome to…no response. Yesterday (Saturday) DH messages her again along with DH brother wife (SIL) who is the host of the shower calls her cell and asks her to call her back…never did. She is glued to her phone, we can see her getting the facebook messages but she isn’t responding. Well at 2am she responds to DH and says “well I didn’t think I would be in town and since I already RSVP’d no I am not going to come”.
DH and I, along with his brother and my SIL are all really irritated at her behaviour. She must have known since at least mid last week she was coming down to book her train ticket, she has been here 2 days already, she ignored all of them calling and messaging her until the middle of the night when noone was responding cause they were asleep, and she still isn’t making any effort to come. Its not about a present, its about a small family and trhey are the only couisns to each other and they are a close family, and we have all done alot for her and she isn’t even going to try.
Are we way off base for being so irritated?
Post # 2
Editing because use you asked the same q different ways in the title and the post. Yes, you are off base for being upset and I can’t believe multiple people are haranguing this girl.
Post # 3
missjewels: you have a right to be irritated, sure. But I think she’s made it pretty clear she didnt WANT to come, for whatever reason.
I’m sorry. People just suck sometimes.
Post # 4
Yup, completely off base – she’s an adult and can chose to attend/not attend something. No explanation necessary. Stop trying to guilt her – that will be more damaging to the relationship than her skipping a baby shower…
Post # 5
I’d be upset, but I wouldn’t bug her about it. She made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to come for whatever reason. While it’s unfortunately she didn’t want to come to the shower, I think you just have to let it go.
Post # 6
You have the right to feel however you want- it’s how you act and express that emotion that could be problematic.
Do you know why she’s in town? Maybe she came last minute for personal reasons and won’t have time. Or, like she said, she already RSVP’d no and thought it would be inconsiderate to come.
Honestly, if everyone was blowing up my phone badgering me about whether or not I was going, I would probably ignore them all too (especially when I thought it was understood that I wasn’t).
Sure, it would be nice if she came and you can certainly be disappointed, but I would let this one go, it’s not worth getting upset over IMO.
Post # 7
No guest should be harassed because they declined an invitation. Yes, you have a right to your feelings, but you need to take a moment to think that there may be a reason she isn’t coming. She may be having financial troubles and feels uncomfortable coming without purchasing a gift.
Post # 8
Leave the poor girl alone. She doesn’t want to come to your shower. End of story.
Post # 9
I’m going to be honest, when I was 24 the last place I would want to spend a day is at a baby shower…..I’m almost 30, and I still hate them, but can tolerate them better.
She said she wasn’t coming, and franly, blowing up her phone like that was a little obnoxious.
She doesn’t want to come, and she doesn’t have to. You can be upset, but I certainly wouldn’t say anything…
Post # 10
Even if you know her fairly well, it’s possible that baby showers are emotionally difficult for her for one reason or another that she hasn’t shared. Perhaps she’s had a miscarriage or termination that she hasn’t told extended (or even immediate) family about because it’s a private matter to her. I have a number of friends who have very sensitive and understandable reasons for not coming to baby showers and it can be difficult for them to come up with graceful excuses time and time again; they hate declining, but they know they can’t handle a baby shower. I am sure she will want to support you in the pregnancy as much as she can even if she doesn’t come to the shower.
Post # 11
missjewels: Yeah, I think you have a right to feel however you feel but I personally don’t think you should be “mad at her” for not coming. Maybe she was moving into the apartment and didn’t have time on that day for the shower. Maybe she has personal drama going on that she doesn’t want to talk about or be around a bunch of people. Maybe she was just plain busy or maybe she just didn’t want to go to a baby shower. Either way, she did the polite thing and RSVP’d no ahead of time so I think you just need to chalk this up to a you being a little bit sensitive and move on (not meant to sound sarcastic or snarky!). Hope you had a wonderful baby shower with the people who went!
Post # 12
I would feel the same way, especially about someone I thought I was close with. My FSIL didn’t come to my bridal shower yesterday because she was embroidering a hockey jersey… not a great reason to me… but whatever. The shower went on and I had a great time.
It sucks… but there’s nothing you can do about it and getting worked up about it doesn’t change that, just makes it worse. My advice, let it go and drop expectations of her in the future.
Post # 13
I would be ticked off too if someone was clearly glued to their mobile and utterly refused an answer a question regarding the changed circumstances – it takes a second to shoot back a “no” or “i’ll see” instead of just ignoring people trying to contact you.
At the same time you can’t really be mad that she wouldn’t come as she likely hadn’t set aside time for that while she was in town. Sure you can be upset that she wasn’t able to come but just not upset at her for sticking with her choice.
Post # 14
missjewels: I would be annoyed- if anything. There are always going to be people who don’t attend functions when technically, they can. Maybe she didn’t want to buy a gift. Maybe she doesn’t have the money right now. Maybe she’s just a bitch and found something “better” to do- so she doesn’t want to come to your shower.
I just got a text from an gf of mine asking for my address- she is inviting me to her baby shower.
It’s her second baby, and unfortunately, I don’t even consider her a “friend” anymore. We lead completely different lives, she lives 45 minutes away. She also happens to be the person who RSVPed to both my wedding shower, bach party- and then didn’t show up. She also showed up to our wedding after the ceremony- and drank our open bar, and didn’t even bring a card. I know no gift is required– but there’s a long background, and she’s an alcoholic (supposedly she was sober around the time of our wedding) and she drank anyway. This is also the girl who insisted she be invited to our wedding and all of my events– even though at that point of time I never would have invited her if she hadn’t begged. I don’t feel we have a mutual friendship, and I already know I will RSVP “no” to her shower- even if I am available. I don’t have an interest in showing up to give her a gift when we aren’t even friends anymore.
Now I know you said you’ve done a lot for this cousin, but does that mean you guys are even close?
Post # 15
Going to a baby shower sounds worse than being tortured. It’s true — Baby showers are boring for everyone who isn’t the pregnant mother. I probably would be hard pressed to go to a baby shower for my nearest and dearest friends. She’s not going, and you already knew that. Leave her alone.