Post # 1
I am having 4 bridesmaid in my December 15th wedding. One of my Bridesmaids got engaged about 3 months after me. I have had my date since the week after I got married and my save the dates went out earlier this month.
When my friend originally got engaged she was talking about March of 2013. She found a venue she really likes and they are willing to make her a great deal for Saturday November 24th, which is Thanksgiving weekend. For a moment she was considering Dec 2nd but thankfully one of her family members is going to be out of the country.
We do not live in the same city- she lives in the city I grew up and and my wedding is in the city I currently live (where Fiance is from)- 900 miles away, which means a very expensive plane ride (I normally spend Thanksgiving with FI’s family) and more days off of work (I don’t get the day after Thanksgiving off, and I am already taking days in November for my bridal shower in the city where I am from).
Do I have the right to be upset she is looking at wedding dates so close to mine? Is it wrong I kind of want to get married first? I am going to be in her wedding, and I am excited about it. I am trying to be supportive and will do my best to come whenever it is, but it is wrong to feel upset a bit?
Post # 3
It’s normal to feel upset (as a lot of women do in situations like this)… but you’re gonna hear the same thing from a lot of bees on here – you get ONE day that is yours and you can’t really control what others do for their wedding. You have several weeks in between the weddings and yours will special in its own right.
Post # 4
Um not really people can get married when ever. Id express your concern to her. If not then you just have to live with it. It is what it is.
Post # 5
You each get one day. You don’t get to block off a period of time around your wedding.
I understand you being upset about her “taking cuts” so to speak, but let it go.
Post # 6
I can understand why you might be a little bit upset, but the fact of the matter is, as brides we don’t have a hold on the months surrounding our wedding. We are entitled to the one day of our wedding and nothing else…so you need to let it go and just be the wonderful friend you are. I doubt she’s going to end up doing a Thanksgiving wedding (think of all the people that will decline because they have family traditions) so chances are her date will fall after yours anyway. Be the supportive, kind and wonderful friend you know you are and let the cards fall where they may.
Post # 7
I understand why you’re upset, but no, you don’t have a right to be. If you may not be able to attend her wedding in November because of the expense of traveling or needing time off, then tell her that, and she can either move the date or just assume you won’t be there.
Post # 8
Like what everyone else is saying, it is understandable to be a little upset about having it a few weeks before yours. But if she is getting a Great deal for this venue, then you have to be understandable as well.
Post # 9
Sorry but you get one day. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with having emotions about it and identifying why you have them.
Post # 10
Its her wedding, its not about you. Sorry that sounds harsh, but what I mean is I’m sure she didn’t intend it to be so close to yours, its just when its worked out for her. Yes it sounds stressful, but is she taking off time for your wedding? Because you can’t really be upset that you have to take off time if you want to be involved in hers. You’d probably have to anyway, even if it were another time of year since you live 900 miles apart.
Post # 11
@MsMindle: Actually- she just emailed me to tell me she is going to do Thanksgiving weekend.
I am actually more upset about spending so much money for flights for both Fiance and me. At least we save on hotel and car because we can just stay with my parents and use their cars. I am a bit annoyed that I will have to take more vacation days, and go “home” twice in the month of November (bridal shower thrown by my family is November 4th).
I am also worried about pre-wedding planning stress/details up here while I am gone that weekend- but I guess it is far enough out that it will not be overwhelming.
Post # 12
I can understand feeling upset but unfortunately you can’t control her decision. What you can control is being a part of her wedding. If she asks you to be in her bridal party, I would respectfully decline with reasoning along these lines: “you know how hard and time consuming planning a wedding is. Since that is just a couple weeks before my wedding, I’m afraid I will just have too much going on to devote the time to be in a wedding party that you deserve on your wedding day.”
This way you’re saying it without really saying it. If other people have already committed to your wedding and are also asked to be part of hers and she keeps hearing the same thing, maybe she will reconsider.
Post # 13
I definitely can understand being a little annoyed about it being before your wedding even though you were engaged first. That’s natural.
Actually, I would be more annoyed with the Thanksgiving weekend travel part while you’re trying to pay for your wedding AND don’t have days to take for it.
Post # 14
@candykiss: Agreed. If you can’t be in it because it’s too stressful financial or otherwise, just politely decline. Can you move your bridal shower to around the time when she is getting married so that you don’t have to make 2 trips?
Post # 15
@Mrs. Fireworks: Could not agree more!
And I’m assuming she chose this day because of the deal she is getting not out of a desire to be first.
Post # 16
@CaliHoya: That is a great idea. I am already going to be down for mine on Nov 4th so maybe she can have her’s on the 3rd.
This fall is crazy with taking work days off- there is not a month between September and December I do not need to take at least 2 days off a month. I am lacking in vacation days already…That is what I am most upset about honestly.