- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
How many mutual friends does this affect? Was there a very important reason why they selected that exact day?
I think you have every right to be upset. If you have many common friends and had selected this date quite far in advance and notified your friends of this, they should not have allowed their daughter to select that date. It's rude.
Does your son and that girl get along? Did something ever happen where she would want to steal his thunder?
I'm sorry you are going through this. I think you should say something to the parents of your son's friend and see if perhaps they can still move it. Is there any chance the parents did not know the date of yours?
I'm so sorry to hear! That would really upset me as well, so I think you're totally justified.
Is their wedding going to also be a destination wedding? Or is it in your mutual hometown...
ok i would be so upset!!! cause i think she did it on purpose!! especially if they have mutual friends thats just not right!! she couldve picked any other day and picked that one!! thats just wrong!! you should email the friends.. well i hope everything works out and im sorry this happend!!
Wow, that is mean of her! I would personally be upset. I'm sorry :( I suppose your son and his wife-to-be might have to just continue along with their plans and accept that some guests won't be able to make it due to the other couple's recent date copying. Don't let their selfishness ruin your son and his fiancee's day, it will still be a great time!
I would definitely offhandedly mention it to your friends in part of a different convo, but maybe not email it (then you're assuming they were invited... what if they werent?!). If they've known about your son's wedding and you know FOR SURE they were invited to the other wedding, I would probably just email them a quick note, something like:
Hi ____,
I realized you probably received ____'s Save the Date email like I did yesterday/last week/whenever and I just wanted to let you/both of you/your family know that (son's name) and (daughter in law's name)'s wedding is the same date! They'll be sending their Save the Dates out next month. To bridge the gap, I wanted to let you know that we would love to see you at the beach, but understand if you can't make it due to the two weddings happening on the same day.
Love/whatever you want to put here,
Your name
Good luck! Kind of underhanded to take someone's date... ugh.
that totally bites. did they realize it or did they have a brain fart i wonder?
To answer a few questions....Our families have been friends for a long time, but they moved about 4 hours away to a beautiful lake location in our state ,but we still see each other a few times a year. There has never been any problems between the girl and my son, they even went to high school together. All our mutual guest friends still live here, but my son's wedding is being planned at a beautiful beach location 4 hours in the opposite direction where he went to college. Guests will have to travel to go to either wedding. Also, my friend's daughter told me 6 months ago that they were waiting until January to choose their date because her fiance(really husband) wouldn't be able to choose his vacation days until then (he's a firefighter). I still can't believe that they couldn't find one other day in the whole year to choose! I am also really disappointed in my friend that she didn't do me the courtesy to call or email me herself about this.
Hmm... actually now that you explain he's a firefighter, it makes sense. He may NOT have had other days to choose from, because if he is by rank a firefighter, vacay time goes by senority. Perhaps she chose the month and that was the day/week that was available?
My dad was a firefighter and as a kid, we spent plenty of christmas days getting up wayyyy early and opening gifts, then spending the day without him... that's just how it goes sometimes! Maybe they truly did feel bad about taking the date and that's why they couldn't bring themselves to talk to you?
I understand why you'd be upset. If this is a close friend and someone close to your son as well, I'd say something. Not that you would be able to change anything now, but I feel like it's something that will fester and cause resentment in the future if you just sweep it under the rug.
I think you definitely have a right to be upset but unfortunately, I don't know if there's much you can do about it...If it is really bothering you, it might be worth talking to your friend face-to-face but the conversation should be about her not approaching you personally about the date, rather than about your children getting married on the same date...Either way, it mega-sucks and I'm so sorry!
I hear about this all the time but never on the same day! I hear about sisters planning their wedding weeks apart from each other and I thought that was rude! This situation really breaks my heart, im so sorry and hope everything can come to a positive conclusion. You have every right to be upset, hopefully these mutual friends isnt everyone your son's guest list.
That is terrible. If the whole firefighter days off scenario is legit, then I guess they didn't have much of a choice, but still. If it were me, I'd basically start spreading the rumor/truth that these two are already married, but I'm pretty spiteful when I want to get my way and don't particularly care what other people think of me...
It's a crappy situation, but I would hope that the people closest to you and your son would choose to attend your son's wedding. Sounds more fun, too.
Wow that is very spiteful if you ask me. She knew your son and FDIL's wedding date and stole the day from you! Has your son and fiance booked the hotels etc? I know they shouldn't have to but would they be willing to move their date to the weekend before or after so your mutual friends can come? By the way if they did I would leave this girl OFF the guest list, she obviously has little or no etiquette/class which she showed by stealing the date!
Because the girl knew about your son's date, then yes, what she did was rude and distasteful. You have every right to be upset. As your son's bride, I would be livid, actually.
But, there's not much you can really do. I would just send an e-mail to the family of the already married bride (in response to the STD) and nicely say, "Congratulations on your wedding plans, but as you know, our son is getting married that same day, so we won't be able to celebrate with you. Best wishes for a happy engagement!" Then leave it at that.
We had a cousin in our family schedule his wedding very close to ours (about a month before) after we announced our date, and many of the same guests ended up having to pick one or the other because they had to book flights for both weddings. We ended up having a very small guest list because of it which REALLY hurt our feelings. BUT, on the day of the wedding, we didn't care, to be honest. Whoever cares enough about your son and bride to be will attend, and that's all that matters.
... yeah, I'd be upset. But I can't imagine there isn't a reason she chose that date. I have a hard time believing anyone would be THAT passive aggressive. But maybe I'm wrong. Miss CHapstick wrote a beautiful "sorry, we can't come" note for you already!
I can see how you would be upset, but as a bride, I probably wouldn't put too much weight on when my mother's friend's son's wedding was when picking my date. Is this bothering your son, or mainly you? I'd say if it doesn't bother your son, then you should just let things happen as they happen and let people pick which wedding to attend.
I'm sure your son's wedding will be wonderful. And on the bright side- the less people that come, the more money you save :)
Definitely have a right to be upset, that's just plain rude. It makes me SO mad when people intrude on other people's dates like that. I think they knew exactly what they were doing, and thats why they avoided you. I would definitely talk to your friend to figure out why they chose that date though, maybe they didn't have any other choice, but if they did, I couldn't consider this a friend anymore. So disrespectful, I'd be letting the mutual friends know what she did. Hopefully then they will choose to go to your sons' wedding because you had the date first.
I'd definitely be upset, too. I think you can go ahead and email the people who you expected to come and let them know that you still hope they can make it. Although I'd definitely check with your son and FDIL first to make sure they're OK with you doing that!
I personally just find it strange that they included RSVP information with the STDs. Is that a new thing I'm not aware of? I thought the STDs were just to be "hey, we're getting married on this day, and you're on our invite list - please add us to your calendar of possible events for that day". I didn't think there should be any RSVPing going on until the actual invites go out.
I agree that you are justified in being upset. I sometimes have a spiteful streak . . . perhaps you should ask your friend what role the grandbaby will be playing in the wedding.
But seriously, don't think it would be in appropriate to send out an email like the one LaborofLove suggested. Do you think they felt the need to "beat you to the punch" because many of the mutual friends would have selected your son's wedding? Do they know that your friend's daughter has a child? While I know that you want to celebrate with your mutual friends, you might consider having a very nice shower to honor your FDIL so that if some friends have already committed to the other wedding, they can still celebrate with you.
I suspect that your friend didn't respond to you because she didn't think it was a good idea and couldn't face you. It's probably her daughter's idea.
You're right to be upset. But chin up it's a lack of class on her part not yours. And it's a bit rubbish to put you in that position.
I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I think the advice being offered above is very sensible. Just remember you're better than that :)
Chin up xxx
While it is definitely an upsetting situation, I don't really think you have the right to be upset or angry and your friend or her daughter. People don't choose wedding dates out of spite. As a bride, if I found a date that worked well for everyone in my family and my fiancee's family, the fact that my mom's friend's son had picked the same date for his wedding is not something I would think about. However, I'm sure your friend felt bad about it, so that's why the communication was through Facebook.
Also, there are plenty of reasons why people get legally married before having a big wedding, and getting health insurance for a newborn is a pretty good one. So insinuating that their wedding day is less important because they're already legally married is just mean.
Thank you for all your support ladies! I didn't get much sleep last night thinking about this situation. I took your advice and sent a quick email to my friends simply saying that although I would love to see them at my son's wedding, that I would understand and respect whatever decision they made. I really just don't want my friends to feel awkward. Well....I got a few emails back and my friends are just as disappointed and sad as I am. One of them was downright angry and said she felt the girl was trying to tug at their heartstrings as she has always been prone to do. She went on to say that she was leaning on attending my son's wedding because she felt she had already made a committment to my son, and that she felt the other wedding is essentially a "redo" and a reception (her words, not mine). This is exactly what I was afraid of. I don't want this to turn into a battle over guests. I really want to take the high road here.
FLAmy: I didn't mean to insinuate that my friend's daughter's wedding was any less important than my son's or that she doesn't deserve to have one. I only meant that perhaps since they are already married, the date to celebrate might be more flexible. We have had all our vendors and venues secured and deposits paid for almost a year, so changing the date is not an option. She is planning a wedding in a friend's beautiful lake view backyard, but I doubt she has begun to pay deposits since she just decided on the date this week. Besides that, my son and FDIL chose their date specifically because it was my wedding date 34 years ago! My husband passed away 10 years ago, and my son and FDIL wanted to honor our marriage.
Miss Chapstick: I love your response for the RSVP! You are obviously a very classy lady!
Goldilocks: I thought it was odd too to have a RSVP on the Save the Date, but there were boxes to check (yes, no, maybe) and space to leave a message that everyone can read! That's why I kind of thought that she was trying to beat us to the punch.
By the way, I spoke to my FDIL and she was a doll about the whole thing! She said she was sad for ME (not herself) and is looking forward to a wonderful day no matter what. She even laughed about the electronic Save the Date thing and said it reminded her of the scene in Bride Wars when Kate Hudson runs home to send hers out before the other bride! I looove my FDIL and feel so lucky that she is marrying my son!
Sounds like your FDIL is being wonderfully sane and adopting a great perspective on the whole thing! Kudos to her!
I would be upset! We sometimes have to remind people that they don't get a season or a month for their wedding, but they DO get a DAY! JEEZ!
That said, we'll all commiserate with you, but I don't think you can really do anything about it. It's just really sad. :(
oh how frustrating!!! out of 365 days of the year they choose that one! Very wierd about inclduing a reply in Save the dates? First I have heard anythign like it!
Great that FDIL is in good spirits. I hope you have a great time and the location sounds fantastic!
After reading your additional comments, I can see why you really want all your friends to be there--sounds like you have a fabulous relationship with your son & FDIL and I think it's fantastic that they have selected your wedding date! That's so sweet.
Well, it's been a week since I posted and thought I would give you all an update. Since my friend's daughter sent me an email and electronic STDs saying she chose the same date as my son's wedding, I have been FLOODED with phone calls and emails from our mutual friends. Turns out they were very disappointed in the girl's decision and have decided to come to my son's wedding afterall. Most friends were totally baffled that she would have done this. One friend said it showed how little she valued their friendship and was insensitive to her parents as well. Funny how things turn out...I have yet to hear from the mother (my friend) so I am guessing she is very embarassed by all of this. I'm kind of at a loss as to whether I should be the one to call her, or wait to hear from her?
I just found out that I accidently set the same date as a girl I knew growing up! I feel really bad and while we won't have many of the same guests even being invited, there are 1 or 2 couples that I feel bad about making them choose. I know I'll probably lose this one since I'm 400 miles away from where they live and her reception is local, but it's still hard.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Brielle | 44 |
| ndreighton | 36 |
| caseyleigh10 | 30 |
 vorpalette |
29 |
| les105 | 24 |
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| fishbone | 23 |
| lionskitty | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| smcs28 | 7 |
| sylvia.riggle |
7 |
| LaTortuga | 7 |
| SouthernGirl | 6 |
| peachacid | 5 |
| caseyleigh10 | 3 |
| Eva Peron | 3 |
| lovesweetlove | 3 |
| Zouave | 3 |
| HollyCJ | 3 |
Okay, I need to find out if I have a right to be upset. A little background: my son and future daughter in-law have been planning their mini destination beach wedding for the past year. We are all very excited and have been working very hard to make a nice vacation weekend for our guests including golf and wine tasting opportunities before the wedding and finding affordable hotel accomodations. One of my very good friend's daughter, who has known my son's wedding date from the beginning, sent out email Save the Dates today for her wedding on the exact same date! Although I am happy for her, I feel sad and disappointed that she chose to cause our many mutual friends to choose between the 2 weddings. I know we don't "own" the date, but I think it was rude to say the least. To make matters worse, most of our mutual friends do not know that she is actually already married! She had a baby with her fiance last year and secretly got married so they would have medical coverage for the pregnancy. I actually emailed my friend just last week asking if they had chosen a date yet and got no response. Then today in a FACEBOOK EMAIL!!!! her daughter sends me a quick note saying she had chosen the same date to get "married"and hoped I would "understand". This was followed by a separate email STD complete with RSVP opportunities. My son and his fiance were waiting to send their STDs out next month when they have their engagement pictures taken. She just chose her date THIS WEEK and I feel that she was just trying to beat us to the punch. So my question to you all...do I have a right to be upset? Do I email our mutual friends and tell them that although I really hope they will attend my son's wedding, I will understand if they don't? These are friends that have been telling me how much they were looking forward to coming, but have known the other girl's family longer. What do you think? I am so sad...