(Closed) Do I have the right to be upset?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would be mad… she can have a baby shower after your wedding. Or, lots of people have baby showers after the baby is born. I’m not married yet… but i’ve been in several wedding parties and I know how much there is to do for the wedding the week before. If you have ANY free time at all, it should be spend resting.


good luck!

Post # 4
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Get her the ugliest, most useless white elephant gift imaginable.

Post # 5
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Aww honey, i agree with you. And definatly think you have the right to be upset, that week you will have ALOT to do.

few questions – are you close with brother? and how far along will she be? Also what is meant by ‘stop everything’ for the shower? Is your mum not planning on helping you that week now as she wants to throw her oen shindig?

Post # 6
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think its a good idea to make a stressful week even more stressful by asking you to throw a baby shower in the middle. Your mom is probably thinking that it will be convenient, since everyone will be there. But if she is really due around that time, will she even be up for traveling?

If I were you, to save the face (and because the baby will need things, not just the mom), I’d throw her a shower well before or well after your wedding. (maybe you can even reuse some of the decorations for her shower LOL).

Post # 7
96 posts
Worker bee

Yes, that’s really frusterating. You are probably angry more because you are so stressed out, and wanting (as you should be), the week before your wedding to go as smoothly as possible. Try not to focus on her or even think about her……I think a few small things could keep it from really stressing you out. Make sure someone else is taking care of all the details entirely and try to talk to youf mom about how stressed you are….that the shower should be small and not get in the way of any wedding plans.

Also, don’t worry about the present. Give them a sweet card! you can always say that you were too busy or didn’t have the money at the time because of the wedding.

Simply: Try not to think about it. Focus on yourself and your plans. It won’t ruin things. Don’t worry!

Post # 8
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you have a right to be irritated; however, is the reason they are doing it that week is that the family will already be in town or because she is just trying to piss you off?  Baby showers don’t have to be anything huge and don’t normally require a terribly large amount on time to plan.  the party itself will likely only be two hours and you yourself are not planning it.  On top of that she didn’t intentionally get pregnant to be due around your wedding and distract from it.

Post # 10
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, I agree from an Etiquette point of view, this is totally called UPSTAGING THE BRIDE in the Days Before the Wedding (shame on your Mom, she should know better)

BUT on the otherhand, when you say “everyone is coming in for the Wedding”… I take it that your Brother & his Wife live away from family… and others like your Sisters do as well (Did I understand that right?)

So in all honesty, your Mom is probably just trying to do right by her future Grandchild, and using this “opportune time” to have everyone together and give this Mom-2B her Baby Shower

I suggest you have a heart-2-heart with your Mom, tell her your concerns.  And tell her THAT IF THIS IS THE ONLY CHOICE TIME WISE BEFORE THE BABY IS DUE then, you are willing to be 100% supportive (even help out if you can… lol, you can do the bow bonnet now that you’ve had your own Bridal Showers and know how that works… or write down the Gifts & Givers List).  BUT your Mom has to be able to guarantee you that this won’t be a HUGE over-the-top affair, and happens EARLIER in the week than later.

I know it sucks, but you can be the Bigger person here… for your future Niece or Nephew’s sake.

(( HUGS ))


Post # 11
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yes, you have every right to be frustrated. On the other hand, I highly doubt anyone is doing this deliberately to hurt or annoy you, so feel free to be frustrated, but remember that they have their own reasons for doing what they’re doing. Your best bet is probably to talk (as calmly and rationally as possible) with your mother about the logistics of throwing a baby shower just before the wedding and listen to her reasons. You have every right to vent and feel angry, and I hope you manage to sort this out soon.

I can completely understand your mother wanting to throw a baby shower for her son and his wife (it’ll be her grandchild, after all!), and if they’re not close, then perhaps she is hoping that this will be a bonding experience for the family.

Post # 12
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why can’t your mom throw it at the 6 month mark? 

Post # 14
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

PLEASE read one of my old posts…. somewhat similar situation. Get them a gift… but don’t spend too much. I would be mad/upset. If anything maybe they can do it the first day they come to visit…??? That way it’s out of the way ASAP?

Post # 16
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be pissed too. Why can’t your mom throw the shower? Or someone else in the family. I don’t understand why anyone would ask a bride throw a baby shower the week before her wedding??!! Attend the shower (thrown by someone else!), get them a small gift and don’t let this stress effect your big day 🙂


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