Post # 1
Okay, I need to find out if I have a right to be upset. A little background: my son and future daughter in-law have been planning their mini destination beach wedding for the past year. We are all very excited and have been working very hard to make a nice vacation weekend for our guests including golf and wine tasting opportunities before the wedding and finding affordable hotel accomodations. One of my very good friend’s daughter, who has known my son’s wedding date from the beginning, sent out email Save the Dates today for her wedding on the exact same date! Although I am happy for her, I feel sad and disappointed that she chose to cause our many mutual friends to choose between the 2 weddings. I know we don’t “own” the date, but I think it was rude to say the least. To make matters worse, most of our mutual friends do not know that she is actually already married! She had a baby with her fiance last year and secretly got married so they would have medical coverage for the pregnancy. I actually emailed my friend just last week asking if they had chosen a date yet and got no response. Then today in a FACEBOOK EMAIL!!!! her daughter sends me a quick note saying she had chosen the same date to get “married”and hoped I would “understand”. This was followed by a separate email STD complete with RSVP opportunities. My son and his fiance were waiting to send their STDs out next month when they have their engagement pictures taken. She just chose her date THIS WEEK and I feel that she was just trying to beat us to the punch. So my question to you all…do I have a right to be upset? Do I email our mutual friends and tell them that although I really hope they will attend my son’s wedding, I will understand if they don’t? These are friends that have been telling me how much they were looking forward to coming, but have known the other girl’s family longer. What do you think? I am so sad…
Post # 3
How many mutual friends does this affect? Was there a very important reason why they selected that exact day?
I think you have every right to be upset. If you have many common friends and had selected this date quite far in advance and notified your friends of this, they should not have allowed their daughter to select that date. It’s rude.
Does your son and that girl get along? Did something ever happen where she would want to steal his thunder?
I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you should say something to the parents of your son’s friend and see if perhaps they can still move it. Is there any chance the parents did not know the date of yours?
Post # 4
I’m so sorry to hear! That would really upset me as well, so I think you’re totally justified.
Is their wedding going to also be a destination wedding? Or is it in your mutual hometown…
Post # 5
ok i would be so upset!!! cause i think she did it on purpose!! especially if they have mutual friends thats just not right!! she couldve picked any other day and picked that one!! thats just wrong!! you should email the friends.. well i hope everything works out and im sorry this happend!!
Post # 6
Wow, that is mean of her! I would personally be upset. I’m sorry 🙁 I suppose your son and his wife-to-be might have to just continue along with their plans and accept that some guests won’t be able to make it due to the other couple’s recent date copying. Don’t let their selfishness ruin your son and his fiancee’s day, it will still be a great time!
Post # 7
I would definitely offhandedly mention it to your friends in part of a different convo, but maybe not email it (then you’re assuming they were invited… what if they werent?!). If they’ve known about your son’s wedding and you know FOR SURE they were invited to the other wedding, I would probably just email them a quick note, something like:
I realized you probably received ____’s Save the Date email like I did yesterday/last week/whenever and I just wanted to let you/both of you/your family know that (son’s name) and (daughter in law’s name)’s wedding is the same date! They’ll be sending their Save the Dates out next month. To bridge the gap, I wanted to let you know that we would love to see you at the beach, but understand if you can’t make it due to the two weddings happening on the same day.
Love/whatever you want to put here,
Good luck! Kind of underhanded to take someone’s date… ugh.
Post # 8
that totally bites. did they realize it or did they have a brain fart i wonder?
Post # 9
To answer a few questions….Our families have been friends for a long time, but they moved about 4 hours away to a beautiful lake location in our state ,but we still see each other a few times a year. There has never been any problems between the girl and my son, they even went to high school together. All our mutual guest friends still live here, but my son’s wedding is being planned at a beautiful beach location 4 hours in the opposite direction where he went to college. Guests will have to travel to go to either wedding. Also, my friend’s daughter told me 6 months ago that they were waiting until January to choose their date because her fiance(really husband) wouldn’t be able to choose his vacation days until then (he’s a firefighter). I still can’t believe that they couldn’t find one other day in the whole year to choose! I am also really disappointed in my friend that she didn’t do me the courtesy to call or email me herself about this.
Post # 10
Hmm… actually now that you explain he’s a firefighter, it makes sense. He may NOT have had other days to choose from, because if he is by rank a firefighter, vacay time goes by senority. Perhaps she chose the month and that was the day/week that was available?
My dad was a firefighter and as a kid, we spent plenty of christmas days getting up wayyyy early and opening gifts, then spending the day without him… that’s just how it goes sometimes! Maybe they truly did feel bad about taking the date and that’s why they couldn’t bring themselves to talk to you?
Post # 11
I understand why you’d be upset. If this is a close friend and someone close to your son as well, I’d say something. Not that you would be able to change anything now, but I feel like it’s something that will fester and cause resentment in the future if you just sweep it under the rug.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I think you definitely have a right to be upset but unfortunately, I don’t know if there’s much you can do about it…If it is really bothering you, it might be worth talking to your friend face-to-face but the conversation should be about her not approaching you personally about the date, rather than about your children getting married on the same date…Either way, it mega-sucks and I’m so sorry!
Post # 13
I hear about this all the time but never on the same day! I hear about sisters planning their wedding weeks apart from each other and I thought that was rude! This situation really breaks my heart, im so sorry and hope everything can come to a positive conclusion. You have every right to be upset, hopefully these mutual friends isnt everyone your son’s guest list.
Post # 14
That is terrible. If the whole firefighter days off scenario is legit, then I guess they didn’t have much of a choice, but still. If it were me, I’d basically start spreading the rumor/truth that these two are already married, but I’m pretty spiteful when I want to get my way and don’t particularly care what other people think of me…
It’s a crappy situation, but I would hope that the people closest to you and your son would choose to attend your son’s wedding. Sounds more fun, too.
Post # 15
Wow that is very spiteful if you ask me. She knew your son and FDIL’s wedding date and stole the day from you! Has your son and fiance booked the hotels etc? I know they shouldn’t have to but would they be willing to move their date to the weekend before or after so your mutual friends can come? By the way if they did I would leave this girl OFF the guest list, she obviously has little or no etiquette/class which she showed by stealing the date!
Post # 16
Because the girl knew about your son’s date, then yes, what she did was rude and distasteful. You have every right to be upset. As your son’s bride, I would be livid, actually.
But, there’s not much you can really do. I would just send an e-mail to the family of the already married bride (in response to the STD) and nicely say, “Congratulations on your wedding plans, but as you know, our son is getting married that same day, so we won’t be able to celebrate with you. Best wishes for a happy engagement!” Then leave it at that.
We had a cousin in our family schedule his wedding very close to ours (about a month before) after we announced our date, and many of the same guests ended up having to pick one or the other because they had to book flights for both weddings. We ended up having a very small guest list because of it which REALLY hurt our feelings. BUT, on the day of the wedding, we didn’t care, to be honest. Whoever cares enough about your son and bride to be will attend, and that’s all that matters.