Post # 1
I asked SO what he was going to get his parents for Christmas and he told me ‘nothing’. I was surprised because I always get my parents something. Apparently he never gets them anything. For the last few years I’ve gotten them (his parents) small gifts like a documentary on WWII for his father and a fancy teacup for his mother who collects tea cups. This year I’m super frustrated with how his mother has been treating him and some other things and am not feeling so generous as I have in previous years. She has been trying to exclude me from all of their family gatherings and is also trying to restrict SO to a 1 hour limit at my family’s one gathering. You can read about it here if you want details: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anxious-and-stressing-about-fmils-reaction-advice-long
So my question is do I get them something? If I do should it be from him, from me, from both of us?
Post # 3
I always try to be the bigger person, especially with family members. I would get something from the both of you – it doesn’t have to be anything special or thoughtful – but something.
Post # 4
If you gave her something before, then you should this year. And make it from both of you. If you dont want to exchange anymore, you should clarify that well before Christmas. And not giving her something out of spite is wrong.
I dont exchange with my parents, and FI doesnt either.
Post # 5
@kjo: to clarify, there isn’t an exchange. They don’t get me anything, they hardly get SO anything, but they go all out for his sister. The reason I’m not feeling it so much this year is because FMIL is trying to exclude me from all of their famly gatherings and trying keep SO from going to my family’s one gathering.
Post # 6
@Eckle: I would get them something any way, but probably not go above and beyond and get them anything super special. Just something to say “Happy Holidays” with.
Post # 7
Being kind to people during the holidays, at least on the surface, should not be restricted, or limited, by whether you believe they deserve it. Hell, for me, being the way I am, that would push me to be extra kind to them just so that they’re the “bad” ones.
Post # 8
@pengoala: I talked to SO about it and I’ll probably bring the cookies and fudge that I’m making today along with some of my mom’s cookies (we do a cookie exchange) and I’m going to ask my dad for a bottle or two of the wine he made last year to give to them. It’s not above and beyond, but everything is homemade and not something they could go out and buy themselves.
Post # 9
@Eckle: That sounds like a great plan! 🙂
Post # 10
I also think with family, you just have to suck it up and be the bigger person. Even if your FI doesn’t give them gifts, even if they don’t give YOU gifts, like it or not you are going to be part of the family (despite any snubs from your FMIL) so I would get them gifts.
Post # 11
@Eckle: If you don.t go, don’t send anythimg. If you do go, be a good guest and get them something.