Post # 1
She use to be my best friend, I had even asked her to be a BM. She stopped talking to me completely and forced me to ask her to step-down. After I told her to step down, she told me she felt the same way but felt awkward bringing it up. She said she knew I’d take the first step eventually.
So we don’t talk anymore. I have no desire to see her, talk to her, anything. However, I feel like I need to invite her to the wedding. We left things on ‘good’ terms, no fights, tears, just mutual understanding. Then we never talked again.
So I feel like 10 years of frienship, gives her the right to be invited to the wedding, as much as I’d really rather her not come. Besides the bridal party, she will know two other guests (assuming they come – they are OOT) but that’s it. If those other guests come I would seat her at that table. Otherwise, I’d have to place her somewhere randomly.
Do I have to give her a plus-one? I’d love to forget the invite altogether, but I feel like that’s just too cruel. All she did was ignore me – which told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore so I’ve complied.
I just feel sick thinking that I would give her a plus-one and she would invite some girlfriend of hers, someone I’ve never met and I have to pay for them. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, as far as I’m aware.
Post # 3
I’m going to respond to the question you didn’t ask and say you don’t have to invite her. You would rather her not come. Why waste any more time or money thinking about this if you don’t want her there? Don’t beat yourself up about not being friends with someone when it seems that you both have outgrown and moved on from the friendship. To answer your actual question- she is not married and therefore does not need a plus-one if you do invite her.
Post # 4
if you dont want her to come, then dont invite her. Understand however that your friendship will most likely be done for good.
Post # 5
I agree with PP. It seems silly to invite her. You’re. Not. Friends. Anymore.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Doesn’t seem like she would be all that interested to come herself , to be honest.
Post # 7
@MissKit: Yeah, I’m in the “don’t invite her” camp. While she basically forced you into taking the first step, she was really the one who ended the friendship.
If you DO invite her, yes, I would give her a plus one simply because the 2 people she knows arent likely to come and the other BMs probably aren’t feeling super friendly to her now. The only single person I’m giving a +1 to is someone who probably won’t really know anyone else. It just seems crule to me to make them sit alone. Honestly, if you do invite her without a +1 she’s very unlikely to go anyway.
Post # 8
She pretty much forced you into asking her to step down by ignoring you so why would you feel obliged to invite her at all? So you were friends for years? You aren’t now! You don’t want her there! (Let alone with someone else)
I have lots of people (aquaintances, friends even former family) that are not getting invited to my wedding. Unless you are a CURRENT person in my life that SUPPORTS my relationship then I’m not obliged in the slightest.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Why on earth would you invite her?
Post # 10
I guess I feel weird because there wasn’t really any closure to this friendship. This was 3 months ago, we talked this out and both agreed she would no longer be in the wedding. She had said on the phone “I’d still love to come see you get married though” and I said “Of course!” we talked a bit like old times (like the times before I got engaged) and hung up. Then three months passed without a peep from her. I now consider the friendship over…
But there wasn’t a scream-fest or any sort of “We’re Done” conversation. I guess I feel obligated to invite her. We were best friends for over 10 years.
Post # 11
@MissKit: You don’t talk to her and have no desire to see her. You had to ask her to step down from being your BM. I would say that you don’t invite her at all, let alone give her a +1.
Post # 12
1. She probably doesnt want to come.
2. If it were me and you invited me but didnt give me a +1, I wouldnt come anyways. So there’s always that option.
Post # 13
You don’t have to invite her. If you do invite her you are under NO obligation according to etiquette to invite a +1 for her unless she’s married, engaged or living with a romantic partner.
Post # 14
I think the fact that you guys ended this like adults you should send her an invitation. Do NOT include a plus one! Whether she comes or not just let it go.
Post # 15
Suck it up, give her a +1, let her enjoy your celebration and allow the friendship to fade away amicably