(Closed) Do I have to go to my friend's wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

No, you don’t have to go. You haven’t even responded to the official invitation yet, so you are just fine.

Post # 4
Member
12816 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you haven’t formally responded, you’re under no obligation to go.  (If you do RSVP yes, then I believe that you really can’t not go barring a major, major catastrophe!)  I would include a note in the response card that you’re so excited to be invited, but your plans have changed since you received the save the date and are unable to make the wedding now.  Perhaps you can ask to have dinner/coffee/drinks with her after her honeymoon to catch up, hear about her day, and see some photos? 

Post # 6
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

No, but she might be a bit dissapointed. I’d try and tell her sooner than later, i.e. before the official invite.

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You don’t have to go, no. Especially if you’re not close. I’d return my RSVP with a nice card and order something small off her registry. (Ask her mom if you don’t know where it is.)

But if it were someone I had been really close to at one time, even if I wasn’t any more, I’d probably postpone Disney and go to my friend’s wedding. Who knows when she’ll have another one?

Post # 8
Member
12816 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Dizbee:  Oh.  Well, honestly, 1.5 hours each way isn’t too terrible.  Could you stay the night by her wedding and leave early the next morning to go straight to the Christmas party?  I would personally do whatever it takes to go to a friend’s wedding, but if you don’t want to do the driving and you haven’t responded, you still don’t have to go!

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

You definitely do not have to.  But you can be perfectly polite and still hurt feelings.

How close of a friend is this?  If this is a close friend, then I would be upset if they chose to spend an extra day at an amusement park that is within driving distance vs. coming to the most important day of my life.

But you will still be being polite by not going.  You never have to go to anyones wedding.  Even your own mom or sisters wedding you can still decide to go or not.  It’s an invitation not a summons.

Post # 10
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

honestly how would you feel. weddings mean a lot to people. this coud be a friendship ruiner..

Post # 11
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No you don’t have to go. While I wouldn’t say anything, I would be hurt and probably a little pissed if a friend missed my wedding to go to Disney. While I don’t think people should plan thier life and vacations around other peoples wedding, given the timeline and the fact that you have other obligations with your So family the day after, I think it’s best to attend those two events, and maybe postpone disney or find somewhere closer to take a quick trip too.

Since you are within driving distance and it’s not like you have flights you already booked I think the best thing to do in this case is go support your friend.

Post # 12
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You can definitely RSVP “no” after saying yes to a STD.  But depending on your relationship with this person, it could be hurtful to not attend just because you’re tired of driving.  The majority of the driving is your decision (ie: vacation), whereas the wedding and family dinner are pretty close.

If this is a close friend, can you cut your vacation short a day?  Then you’d have time to rest before going to the wedding and family dinner.

Post # 13
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Too much driving – I would not go. You can explain this to her in a lovely card if you want. 

Post # 14
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I guess I am in the minority on this but I would go. So it’s a lot of driving? This is a once in a lifetime thing for your friend, despite how close you are. You could go from texting every now and then to not at all after not showing up to her wedding. It would mean a lot to her I’m sure.

Post # 15
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with some other PPs…you’re perfectly within your rights to decline, but as the bride, I would be very hurt if I considered you at all a good friend and your reason for declining to be there on one of the most momentous days of my life was that you were tired from your vacation and didn’t feel like driving 3 hours round trip. To me, 1.5 hours of driving each way is practically nothing. (After all, you are driving 12 hours to Disney!) If anyone declined to attend my wedding on the basis of not wanting to drive 1.5 hours, I would certainly take that as a sign that they didn’t consider us close and didn’t consider me worth the effort. If that’s how you feel, though, that’s how you feel, but know that you will in effect be revealing these feelings to your friend by declining for this reason.

Post # 16
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If you’re not close then it’s fine.  I will say that this happened to me for a friend’s wedding and I decided not to go.  We haven’t really talked since then and we’re definitely more distant which I believe is partly because I skipped her wedding.  But my feeling at the time was that if she really wanted me to be a part of her day she would have asked me to be a bridesmaid or a reader or something.  Since I was a guest only I didn’t feel the obligation to attend.

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