Do I HAVE to go to this bachelorette party?

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

You fine not going. Just tell her you already have something planned and can’t make it but you hope she has a lot of fun.

Post # 3
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you should go 

Post # 4
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I would say no. When I go to things I really don’t want to go to, I end up giving off miserable vibes no matter how hard I try not to. I was MOH and didn’t attend the bride’s engagement party or bachelorette weekend and we are still as close as ever. Sometimes you just can’t and if people can’t understand that then you don’t need that in your life.

Post # 5
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

ksn1219:  i dont think you should go bc you feel obligated. You should go bc you want to be there and it is obvious you dont want to be there and rightfully so. If you go, you will be miserable, so why be a Debbie Downer? 

Do yourself a favor and dont go. I think its messed up you werent invited to the showers. 

Post # 7
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

ksn1219:  i can understand why they would say that, but the bride was not there for your during a really sad time of your life, why should you jump hoops to go and party all night and on top of that have to do all this traveling for her? She obviously doesnt appreciate you. 

Post # 9
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

ksn1219:  I think you’ve already made up your mind here – but I want to pass along some really wise advice my Aunt gave me a few years ago that’s always seemed to stick:

In life, we are ATM’s – our friends and family make deposits (ie- love, happiness, comfort when we need) and they also make withdrawls (ie- drain on our time, what we give back to them in our sacrafices, money perhaps or just love/friendship to them) but we all know those people that are constatly withdrawing and never make any deposits. If we, as the ATM, don’t cut them off or close down their accounts – they’ll keep withdrawing until you are left with nothing.

You have to be the one to decide when to cut the person off – it can subtle, with out any confrontrations or nasty words (my method) or you can have that frank discussion with them. Just don’t let this “friend” empty out your account – you have so much more to give to the friends, family and your fiance who actually make depostis into your happiness, they deserve to see some back – not your energy wasted on her.

Goodluck!

Post # 10
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Cleary you dont’ want to go and she probably feels that from you anyway. So take out the stay home. 

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Yikes, I do not envy your situation. It sounds like you have been there for her but she has a hard time sympathizing and being there for you. I feel like this friendship is unstable and I would be leery about keeping this friendship in the future. You clearly don’t want to go but still have a guilty conscience. I don’t know what the right answer is, but if you are fighting with yourself to go, I think that is your answer. Because she didn’t invite you to both of her showers, this tells me it’s not a big deal if you don’t go to this one too. Caution, be prepared that behind your back she’s telling people a different story to your absences. If so, that is a good indication this is a toxic friendship. 

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I was in a wedding about 5 years back for an old high school friend. We had drifted apart a few years prior to that, but because of my nostalgia I felt like I should accept being her BM to rejuvenate the friendship. Her MOH hated me (we used to be friends but I broke off the friendship because it was toxic) but I had no hard feelings toward her. My life had on moved on in a positive way and I didn’t harbor resentment. Anyways, during the whole process this MOH kept spinning things to make me look bad like not inviting me to get bachelorette supplies then telling the bride I didn’t want to be involved.  Lol. Silly things like that. The whole process gave me such a sick feeling in my stomach the entire time. Then the bride started to believe the MOH and her stories of me being a bad BM. I no longer felt comfortable to go to the bachelorette. Near the end I felt like an outsider. Even on the wedding day, I was hardly in any photos unless it was a group photo. If I could do it all over again, I would have become less involved, and maybe even drop out before the wedding. After the wedding i told the bride I felt like the friendship was not a good fit anymore and we have gone our separate ways. I sympathize with you. Just know that to this day I still don’t have any regrets walking away from that toxic friendship. I don’t believe you will either. I think staying in the wedding for you is best because she is still in your inner circle and it will alleviate the drama later. But check out of that friendship mentally. 

Post # 14
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ksn1219:  I would just go.  But that is me.  Is the friendship somethign you want to save?  She WAS being an asshole but I do wonder if your grandfather’s death awakened her to how inconsiderate she was being.

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