Post # 1
My fiance and I were hanging out with his mom (fmil) and she casually brought up my bridal shower and if I was going to have one. I said no. When I first got engaged I had told my sister/maid of honor and a cousin/bm that I didn’t want a bridal shower. My reason: I don’t have many friends. The “friends” that are in my bridal party are worthless and I haven’t spoken with them in months. I guess I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment.
Also a “friend”/bm told me that she would throw me a bachelorette party where we would go to the clubs. This was months ago. Although I don’t want to go to the club anymore, my bm doesn’t know this and I haven’t heard anything from her about it. So I guess I won’t be having any pre-wedding activities.
Well my fmil insists that I have to have a bridal shower and bach party even if it means she will have to plan it. Will it be extremely weird if I don’t have these things? I mean I would like to…but I just don’t feel like I have anybody to really celebrate with and to avoid disappointment I just won’t have them.
Post # 3
You don’t have to have either. I didn’t have either. I’m sort of sad about that but my friends didn’t live near me so I couldn’t really do it.
Post # 4
I don’t think it will be extremely weird. Everyone that I would want at mine are all long distance and it would be too difficult for everyone to coordinate their time off and travel, so I am opting not to have either one either.
Post # 5
I think it is fine not to have them. Many people opt out due to situations like yours or because family is far away. Guests who wish to buy gifts will either send them or bring them to the wedding. Don’t feel obligated in any way 🙂
Post # 6
Would it be extremely rude to invite some bridesmaids to these events but not all? I know this sounds strange but I have a really estranged relationship with one of the bm (I actually hoped she wouldn’t purchase her dress so I could politely excuse her from the bridal party) and we have a mutual friend (the girl that was in charge of the bach party). I really don’t want to see either of these girls and quite frankly I don’t know if I even want them in my life anymore.
Post # 7
I think you should talk with these girls about them not being in the wedding. It’s better to kick them out if you don’t want to see them instead of them coming to the wedding and other parties and making things difficult.
Post # 8
Are you completely opposed to any kind of prewedding parties or just the fact that you feel like you have no one to invite/worth inviting so why bother?
What if for the bridal shower it was A. for the ladies of the family (yours and/or his) or B. you had a coed wedding shower for both you and your FI and invited family/close friends (his/yours and/or family friends). Would either of those work?
And what if for the bachelorette party, you just got your bridal party and/or ladies of the family and went to a really nice dinner to celebrate or you could do a coed one with your FI and got some people together and did dinner (or bars, whatever you want).
The thing is with your wedding activities (including your wedding day), it’s all about what makes you and your FI happy and you can totally make them whatever you want. Hope this helps, just som ideas!
Post # 9
I’m not having either. Most of my friends are from college, so they’re scattered all across the country. None of my BMs are in the same town as me, and I’m not in the same state as any of my family. So logistically it just wouldn’t work. And I’m fine with that. It might have been nice, but when we tried to make it work it was just too much of a hassle and I didn’t care any more. Plus, I’ve been to showers where there were only a handful of people and they were all from different social groups… awkward! I told myself if it looked like it wasn’t going to work out I wouldn’t try to force it, you know?
I think your FMIL was very kind to suggest that she throw you one. She probably just wants you to have the full “bridal” experience. I would just tell her thanks and that she’s sweet to offer, but you just don’t think it will work logistically and you would rather just focus on the wedding.
Post # 10
Those are excellent ideas @msmurraytobe. A family-only bridal shower would work because my cousin and sister are in the bridal party…but they’re family. And a dinner/bachelorette party sounds good. I love to eat!
Post # 11
I won’t have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party either. I find them tacky!