Post # 1
When we first got engaged my fiance and I decided that I would have his sister in the wedding party, which I had no problem with. She is always fun and game for whatever. I have 3 sisters of my own and 3 best friends that I really wanted to stand with me + my niece as a jr bridesmaid. This puts me at 7 people + a jr, which is WAY bigger than I really wanted but you know, its nice that I have so many people that love me. All of the sudden last night (our wedding is in 7 1/2 months) my fiance tells me I have to have HIS sister in law in the wedding party. I have never, ever, ever heard of having to have a fiance’s brother’s wife in a wedding party (I don’t even know how to type that correctly). He isn’t having my sister’s husband in his party nor would I ever ask him to do that. We are not very close and are very different in terms of style, taste and pretty much everything. She is a really nice girl of course we just don’t have much in common and I am kind of at my limit of compromising my vision and what I want for my wedding. Am I in the wrong here? He keeps telling me I am wrong and I disagree. I want him to stand up for me and what I want!
Post # 2
One normally has your closest and dearest friends/family in the wedding party and since you dont seem to have that relationship with her, there is no reason to have her stand beside you on one of the most special days of your life. I would like to hear his reasoning …did he tell on why he thinks you’re wrong for now having her?
Post # 3
I was just a bridesmaid for my husband’s brother’s wedding, so this isn’t unheard of. That being said, I didn’t expect to be asked and wouldn’t have been upset to not be in the bridal party. If you want her to be there, then invite her. If you don’t, then don’t. If he really wants her in the bridal party, he could always ask her to be on his side!
As a compromise, could you have her do something else, like a reading or hand out programs or something like that?
Post # 4
You don’t HAVE to have anyone in your bridal party. Your FI perhaps doesn’t want her to feel left out as he’s got his brother in his party. Plus if you and your FI have already asked everyone, she likely knows (as her DH is in the party) and may feel like an after thought anyway.
If you don’t want her to be in your party, you absolutely don’t need to.
Post # 5
You are in no way wrong. There is no requirement to have any particular person in the wedding party, not his sister, not your sisters, not his brother or your BIL. You pick the people you are close to.
I have a feeling that he is getting pressure from his Brother to put SIL in the wedding, and he is taking it out on you. Ask him where this idea has come from after you already set the wedding party. I would also ask him how he would feel if you dictated members of his wedding party.
At most, if you need a compromise, you could see about putting her in a non-wedding party roll like reader or similar.
Post # 6
wondering8986: I didn’t put my DH’s SIL in our wedding, but he had his brother stand. You have enough bridesmaids and if you aren’t that close to her it won’t bother her either way! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
Tell you FI that its your choice, and that you feel like you have too many as it is ( make it non-personal, more about financial/numbers it will go over better). Also you FSIL might appreciate being just a guest too, being in a wedding especially if you aren’t super close to the bride is more of a PIA and $$$ than anything else.
Post # 7
You can have whoever you want in your wedding party, if you’re close it doesn’t matter how you’re connected.
My fiance is having my sisters husband as a groomsmen and my brother (plus 6 friends) but thats because they’re all very close. If you have no relationship with your fiance’s sister-in-law then I wouldn’t even consider it, you are not obligated to have anyone, its 100% your choice (with input from the groom of course but in the end its your call)
…..maybe the girl (fiance’s sister in law) is feeling a little left out which is why this came up?? if she’s a nice person I’d at least invite her to things (if you want) to include her but thats as much as I’d do.
Post # 8
wondering8986: I would ask him why are you wrong to not have his brother’s wife in the wedding, but it’s OK that he doesn’t have your sister’s husband? It is exactly the same relationship. Unless he has some valid explanation that he hasn’t shared with you yet, he has no grounds to say you are wrong!
Post # 9
You know, it really depends on how much you’re going to have to see this person for the rest of your life. Are you okay with seeing this person on a weekly basis for the rest of you life, with resentment between the two of you? I decided to respond to this as I am currently in the same position…. but I’m the Sister In Law…. It really makes things awkward when the whole family is in the wedding party, and you are the lonely person who is being left out of everything – but the discussions still happen around you. Or they don’t but you walk into a room and the conversation “stops”… it really makes for tough dynamics in the family. This happened when my brother got married too… this isn’t uncommon. I guess my advice is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and if you really want to harm that relationship moving into this new family, by all means go ahead, but be prepared that there will be lasting hurt feelings about this.
Post # 10
wondering8986: honestly you are wrong. im only saying that because i went threw the same thing. and i was forced to have her in my wedding party. even though we didnt ever really get along (in fact at the time shw as a frienemy) and she didnt even really help. unfortunatly its a double standard (where you are joining his family more than he is joining yours-or am i wrong?) and it sucks. we would never ask them to make our BILs a GM. But mostly it was my MIL who said if i didnt it would cause an obvious rift between us. you dont have to have her in your party but it might say something to his family if you dont.. she is your SIL now. I had to add two BM to my original party because of family issues. good luck.
Post # 11
wondering8986: you don’t HAVE to have anyone in your wedding party. I never would have asked my DH to have my brother stand with him – they hardly know each other. I wouldn’t have asked DH’s brother’s GF to stand with me, hardly know her.
Your bridesmaids, your choice.
Post # 12
wondering8986: I’ve wondered the same thing here’s a little background for me-
Fi’s brother got engaged this past December or something. These kids (theh are younger especially her) haven’t been dating long they started throwing together wedding talk. Her parents put a halt to it (you can read about that drama on one of my other posts) anyways, I thought about asking her but I don’t want to have someone in my pictures and they don’t end up getting married. Fis cousins had their sisters, brothers fiances in their weddings but I feel like fis brother and fiances relationship might not last to begin with.
I would say no. I’m already having fis sister in my bridal party.
Post # 13
No, but the bigger your bridal party the more insulting exclusion is to people, whether they are family or friends. Is your FI saying you have to include SIL because SIL said something to him? If so, I would include her since you’ve already included a lot of people. Very hard to draw lines without offending.
Post # 14
I was not in my sister-in-law’s (husband’s brother’s wife’s) wedding party and she wasn’t in mine. I also didn’t have my husband’s sister either, but my sister-in-law did. It wasn’t a tit-for-tat thing. We just had a much smaller wedding than they did. No one’s feelings were hurt!
Post # 15
wondering8986: You dont have to put anyone in your bridal party that you do not want in. I have my FI’s SIL in my wedding party because they have known her for years and she is a big part of their family. I couldnt imagine asking his sisters, but not his SIL to be my bridesmaids. If you dont feel that way about SIL then dont have her in your party. Its your choice who you want up there with you. It should be reserved for your closest family and friends.