Do I have to invite certain people to the wedding?

posted 2 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
3167 posts
Sugar bee

Kalani Renee Amanaka :  Your FI is correct. If his brother lives with a long-time girlfriend they are invited as a couple. Same with the other brother and the mother of his child/(your future niece or nephew) if they are still together. 

Post # 3
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t invite the baby’s mom if they are no longer a couple.  Just because she’s the mother of his child doesn’t mean she’s part of the family.  I’m imagining SO MUCH drama if you invited the baby’s mom, especially if you don’t invite the current girlfriend.  As for the girlfriend…sorry, but they are definitely a social unit.  If it was a new relationship, you could get away with not inviting her, but they live together.  As for her negativity–you just need to find some way to deal with it.  Shortly after I got engaged one of my close friends told me she thinks every married person is miserable and all men will cheat at some point.  She’s invited to the wedding.  I just let it roll of my back and remind myself that she only says things like that because she’s insecure.

 

ETA: I’m confused.  Are you talking about two separate brothers?  Or one brother with a girlfriend and a child to a different woman?

Post # 4
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

66 is not a super small wedding. And even if it were its rude not to include people’s partners. Your FI is right, your are wrong.

Post # 5
Member
2984 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

66 isn’t that small. I was anticipating your number to be more like 25 with strictly immediately family and close friends. Significant others aren’t plus ones, imho, so you invite couples together and yes its a bit rude not to do so.

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You should invite the SO of guests, especially family. Why not just let FI do his side, and you do yours. This way you don’t have to worry too much about it. 

Post # 7
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Leaving people off of the invitiation because you don’t think “they have a good vibe” is a dumb reason not to include someone and is most likely going to have the opposite effect on the wedding on what you’re trying to achieve. It’s not just surrounding yourself with people you love but if your guests have people there that they love then it lifts up the mood for everyone else. 

Post # 8
Member
4599 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Agreed that 66 people isn’t small. But I digress…

You asked how we went about picking and choosing our guests. Well: if anyone was in a relationship they were invited with their SO. That’s not a +1. A +1 is when you’re allowing your guests to truly bringing anyone they want to the wedding (friend, Tinder date, whoever). People in relationships should be invited together. 

Now, some people make distinctions about which relationships count in these circumstances. If you WANT to create a line you could do anyone living together, engaged, or married. That seems to be the common thing said on the Bee.

I chose not to judge my guests’ relationships. If they said they were together, I invited them together. 

Post # 9
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Your FI is right.  It is disrespectful to invite a committed person, and not the person to whom they are committed.  Remember, his family will be yours for the rest of your life.  Start it on the right foot.

Post # 12
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

You shouldnt invite a future brother-in-law’s ex girlfriend.  that would be a bad recipe, most likely.  Yes, you always invite your friend’s significant other.  I don’t really understand why you think you wouldn’t.

Post # 13
Member
4599 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Kalani Renee Amanaka :  Okay, I just want to point out that I personally do not agree with that distinction, just that I know other Bees have done it. A lot of people change it to include long term relationships, living together, engaged, or married as well.

I think that if your guests say they are in a committed relationship, you should honor that. It’s not really fair to ask people to come celebrate your relationship, in my opinion, while disrespecting theirs. But doing it the way above I think is technically not breaking any etiquette rules. 

Post # 14
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

llevinso :  “It’s not really fair to ask people to come celebrate your relationship, in my opinion, while disrespecting theirs.”

SO MUCH THIS. You are asking them to come celebrate you and your love, and you scoff at theirs? That’s so shallow and rude. Just because ‘the vibe’ you get is weird is so not a reason to invite one without the other.

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