Post # 1
Me and Fiance are having a very low key wedding just family and two friends. We are having a ceremony at the town hall and then a buffet reception at my mums house that will last around 3-4 hours. The only people invited are people we are close with there are even family members not invited because we simply do not speak to them regularly or they live very far away.
Heres the tricky part, my sister has been dating a guy for 3 months, she is adamant that if he is not invited then she will not come and i cannot get married without my sister by my side, she is one of my best friends and it would break my heart but her bf is a vile creature who makes me and Fiance want to be sick! Sounds harsh yes but he torments my son to the point of him crying (he is 4 and doesnt cry easily), nobody in the family like him he is a show off and he has cheated on my sister in the very short 12 week period of them dating and i specifically said i do not want him anywhere near our wedding.
This man makes Fiance feel so uncomfortable and he recently ruined my birthday by being rude to waiters and shouting about splitting the bill. He is obnoxious and i am certain that he would ruin our big day but i want my sister there. The wedding is in 9 weeks and i dont know what to do. As the reception is only at my mums house and he knows where she lives and the date and time of the wedding im not sure whether he will just turn up or not but i really would hope he wouldnt come and my sister would see sense and end this horrible relationship!!
Post # 3
Oh wow. Usually I’d say yes, you have to invite your sister’s SO, but in this case…no way! How old is your sister? Can you mom talk any sense into her?
Post # 4
It would be very hurtful to your sister if you didn’t let her bring her bf. I would sit down and explain the situation like you did above and maybe she can take it from there and have a talk with him and keep him under control on your day. She’s your sister, she chose to be with him, you have to accept her, and him.
Post # 5
show your sister this post. let her read what you just wrote and maybe then she’ll understand. i do not think you should invite him nor do i think you need to accept him (as a PP said) just because he’s your sister’s bf. he’s mean to your child for god’s sake! you have every right not to want him anywhere near you. it’s also quite possible that they won’t be together anymore in 9 weeks. here’s hoping.
Post # 6
Nope. I completely understand this and posted about a similiar situation. If someone is truly nasty to you, why would you want to include them in one of the most intimate days of your life?
I, too, had a small wedding and only invited the people we are closest to. SIL’s loser boyfriend of a few months was not invited- he has been a total ass to my husband and I and is generally disliked by the entire family. She threatened to not come unless he could and we told her that was her decision to make. In the end, she came…but brought loser-boyfriend along and kept him in the hotel. The night before the wedding, she posted rude things on facebook (calling us “not her true family”). She didn’t speak to me at the wedding and cried throughout the reception. Even though she acted like a child, I do not regret the decision to not invite him. I spent time with each guest at my wedding and truly enjoyed their presence, instead of merely tolerating someone for the sake of “keeping the peace.”
Be prepared for that kind of shit from your sister (although I hope it doesn’t happen to you). I say you should have the wedding you want with the people you love the most.
Post # 7
You may think “I can’t get married without my sister by my side” but the truth is, the only one you can not get married without is your Fiance. Yes, your sister is blood, but in the end it will be her mistake to regret. She is clearly disrespecting your feelings and putting herself before you on YOUR big day! Ask her what she thinks she’s accomplishing by making threats like this? Lay down the law for her and be sure to explain yourself completely and clearly. Write her a letter if you have to so she will not be able to interrupt. Reiterate how he makes you uncomfortable and he verbally abuses your son. If she still doesn’t get it, then to hell with it… let her look back on the pictures of your wedding and regret that she wasn’t there because she chose the superdouche instead. You can’t choose the family you’re born into, but you can choose the family you make for yourself.
… Hopefully they will be broken up by then anyway
Post # 8
I was about to say…suck it up and invite him. UNTIL I read the part about him tormenting your kid. If your sister chooses to put up with a cheater, that’s her choice to make. But mess with someone’s kid…ain’t nobody got time for that!
I’d tell her that while you absolutely need/want her there, he makes your child uncomfortable and as his mother you simply can’t have that.
Post # 9
@bouncybee: This is a tough one: we have a friend we really want to invite…but not her long-time Boyfriend or Best Friend, who sounds alot like the guy your sister is with. If it were my sister, I’d probably still invite the guy just because I *would* want her there…but I’d make sure they both knew upfront we wont be tolerating any funny business.
Post # 10
@rickhurst: no mother has no accept someone who “torments” their child. You are their protector. I don’t have children, but no mother I know would ignore their child on this. There are tooooo many cases of weirdos who do terrible things to kids that messes them up for life. Maybe he won’t end up being like that, but why take the risk.
Post # 11
No way – if he is tormenting your 4 yr old, he should never be around you again, what a douche!
Post # 12
OP I’m very impressed that you haven’t hauled off and smacked this guy yet. Making your child CRY? What kind of adult does that? Excuse me, not adult, what kind of asshat does that?? If your sister doesn’t understand that, then it’s really sad but totally on her. Don’t invite this guy.
Post # 13
Anyone who tormented my 4 year old wouldn’t be safe around me! Why the hell would you want a man who makes your child cry at your wedding? If this were my sister I would say I’m sorry you won’t be there, but there’s no way he’s invited.
Post # 14
Thankyou for the advice. My sister is 25, the guy is 23 but acts 12. I have told her how i feel many times but she says i just dont know the real him and hes a sweet guy really but towards the family he is not a sweet he is just a douche.
She says he didnt mean to make my son cry he was just playing about but it doesnt matter to me it ruined my birthday and my son was heartbroken over something silly but this guy is a grown up and should realise when he is tormenting a child too much.
I really feel like i would give up my sisters presence on the day just to avoid this guy coming but my mum is trying to talk her round so hopefully it wont come to her not attending. I too hope they are broken up by the time the wedding comes but i doubt it. If she had been with him over a year i would have invited him no matter what but its been 12 weeks which is nothing special and i cant stand him. Will just have to hope my mum makes her see sense.
Thanks again ladies xx
Post # 15
Tricky situation. I think you have to decide what is more important, having your sister there or not having her boyfriend there? It doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to have it both ways.
Post # 16
@bouncybee: I don’t think you have to invite anyone you don’t want to invite, especially if it will cause you stress.