(Closed) Do I have to invite my boss?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Save yourself the harrassment and just invite her. : (6 votes)
    14 %
    Your wedding is an intimate affair for close friends and family so don't invite her. : (37 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Ouch, that’s rough.  I was in a similar situation.  I don’t get along with my boss.  She and my co-worker are besties so they make things pretty rough sometimes.  My wedding isn’t a destination wedding but it is 3 hours away.  I decided to invite them (after lots of debates and WB posts).  Not because I wanted them there obviously, but because it seemed to be the lesser of 2 evils. 

    Now, with you having a smaller wedding, you might be able to use that to your advantage.  If you’re comfortable doing so, you can speak to her privately and tell her that you’ve decided to have a small, intimate wedding with only your family (even if that’s not the case).  However, if your friends/co-workers all take the time off to go, will your boss notice?  Or is she not their boss too?  If she’ll notice, it’s a done deal, you’ll kinda have to invite her.  And pray she won’t come (unfortunately mine is coming, wth?).

    Post # 4
    Member
    1752 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I didn’t invite my boss.

    I have been losing respect for him for years now, if it’s possible I have a negative amount of respect for him.  He has p*ssed away money for years, and now we are all broke, we have been at 80% of our salary for 1.5 years now, with no positive outlook in sight.

    I invited 8 people from my office, and not a single one of them would have wanted to be seated with him.  Everyone loathes him right now.

    So I didn’t invite him.  If he asks, I’ll tell him that funds were short (yeah because of you Jack @ss) and we had to have a smaller wedding.

    He hasn’t said anything to me yet.  We’ll see if he does when I get back from my honeymoon.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can relate to your situation.   Here’s my take (after much debate in my head and points brought up from other posts on this site):

    I work in a small office (like 8 total) and I DO want some of my c/w’ers there.  Because it’s a small office I feel like it’s all or none.  So, even though I don’t like my boss, she’ll be invited because I don’t think it’s “fair” to invite everyone else (or even just one or two other people).

    I realize that not everyone agrees with this, but it’s how *I* feel.  FI works in a much larger office (like 50+ people) so inviting just a few is much easier.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2682 posts
    Sugar bee

    I invited my immediate boss because I was friends with her, but I did not invite her boss (our GM).  I didnt like and didnt want her at my wedding.  My friend that got married 2 months later did the same thing as well. She never said anything to me but made comments to my boss that she was upset she wasnt invited and when my boss told her she didnt know why, she said something along the lines of “but I see her once a week!”.  Yeah didnt really care she wasnt there.  I was in a unique situation because I worked for a company where I was at one location with certain people and others were across the street at a different location though we still interacted with each other.  I ended up only inviting the people at my location to make it easier and draw a line somewhere.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Just don’t invite her.  Ignore all her hints.  If she talks about her trip just say “oh that sounds like you’ll have a nice time” and leave it at that.  If she has the gall to ask you directly why she wasn’t invited (and sadly, she might) just tell her “oh, our guest list is only 40 people, the vast majority of whom are family.” Don’t let her make you feel guilty.  Obviously if she has any sense she’ll know that she’s not so close to the two of you that she would make your top 40!  You could even fudge it and say “only 30 or so”  just to drive home the point.  If she asks you before the invites go out, just lie through your teeth and say “I’m so sorry we aren’t going to be able to invite you.  The venue just won’t hold more than 40 people, and we’ve had to cut so many people whom we would have love to be there!  But I’m sure you understand what a tight position we’re in <insert sad little smile like you’re actually disappointed> ”  If she makes snide comments, just say “I’m sorry you feel that way” and walk away.

    I’m sorry you’re stuck dealing with her, but you can do this! If being around her makes you so upset now, think about how horrible it would be to have her around on your wedding day!  Any amount of trouble she gives you before or after about not inviting her is worth it, imho, just to have that one day without her!

    Post # 11
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Are you really seriously considering inviting her because she’s guilting/bullying you into it???

    What kind of hints is she dropping?

    If it’s directly related to “making plans for your wedding” you need to clarify it for her BOLDLY.

    Tell her that after the passing of your father, you’ve changed your entire wedding plan and are doing a DW with a very small group of people.  And, while the bigger affair would have allowed you to invite more people, this will be only the people that you are intimately acquainted – and then follow it up with thanking her for her support (even if she didn’t offer it!)

    She will find out about your co-workers (likely) but it’s not a point for discussion.  And, technically, she can’t give you hell (legally).  She’ll get over it – I promise.

    Also, my condolences on the loss of your father.

    Post # 12
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Unless you really feel that not inviting her threatens your job in any way (which legally, it shouldn’t), then absolutely DO NOT invite her! It is obvious that you are already upset at just the thought of her being there.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3979 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    No, no, no! Don’t do it. Definitely don’t let her near your intimate wedding.

    Talk to her! Just tell her what you told us… since the passing of your father you’re keeping it as a small affair with only 40 of your closest family & friends. It’s completely understandable. If she doesn’t get it & she makes your life hell… perhaps its time to look for more work or file a complaint about her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    It’s sicking that she thinks she’s invited to someones wedding she doesn’t like THAT’S IN FRANCE!  I’m having a 200+ wedding in town, inviting two of my friends at the office, and still not inviting my boss who I hate, because seeing her face and hearing her voice makes me unhappy, and there’s no room for unhappy on your wedding day.  And someone will stick out alot more in a group of 40 than 200.  You know you don’t want her there, don’t give in.  If you really need an excuse, there are some good ones above, just don’t let her spoil your day!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @greenleafmountain — couldn’t agree more!! Excellent advice. Dutch, whatever awkward, unsettling situations/conversations you’ll have to go through to not invite the boss, it’s worth it to not have her there at your very intimate, very special DW. She cannot be there. So sorry you have to deal with this!! Stay strong!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2767 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Do you hang out with her outside of work?  If not, then don’t invite her.  I didn’t invite my boss because he has no connection whatsoever with my life outside of work so why should he be at my wedding?

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