Post # 1
Hi all, I’m new to the boards and I have a question that’s been racking my head for months now. A little background: My to be SIL has stolen from me multiple times in the past. A few of the things I had cold hard evidence for(which ended with her somehow turning things on me and trying to psychially fight me). Most recently my pure and it’s entire contents went missins right out of my bedroom while my fiance and I were sleeping. Sadly I didn’t have the evidence I had in the past but considering really her and my fiances parents we’re the only ones in the house at the time…I can pretty much do the math. It felt like such a slap in the face and I know for a fact she has stolen numerous items from family members, but why she is going after me is beyond my comprehension. My question is do I have to invite her to my wedding? Honestly I feel that she would somehow completly sabotage things somehow be it getting totally trashed and acting a fool or heaven forbid any of my family members things go missing. I’d rather have as little to do with her in my life as possible. He has another sister who I get along with great. Is it in bad taste to invite one and not the other? My brain is spinning.
Post # 3
@BB0117: I’m sorry. This is unfortunate. I know some etiquette bees (who will know better than me) will tell you the exact reasons why you have to invite your SIL. But I’m sorry you do.
How will your future family take it if you don’t invite her? I don’t think you can just not invite immediate family members. If other family members are aware of this issue than maybe have one of them look after her, but otherwise I think you have to deal. Sorry 🙁
It’s a crappy situation to be in but you can’t control other people’s behavior, even at your own wedding.
Post # 4
Etiquette be damned. I wouldnt. Thats just me though.
Post # 5
Have you asked your fi how he feels about it? Or his parents?
This is a sucky situation, but I wouldn’t want to ruffle any feathers with your in laws.
Post # 6
Honestly, this is your FI’s call, not yours. It sucks beyond measure, but unfortunately family is family and you’re marrying FI’s family right along with him.
Post # 7
@BB0117: Nope! I would discuss with FI and not invite her…or hire an undercover cop…or give her the wrong address of the venue 5 hrs. away. I agree with allyfally. It is funny to me how the etiquette card is pulled so often when it comes to weddings as though we must suddenly forget common sense and applying that etiquette in the every day. What about this SiL’s criminal behavior toward the bride and her own family? Is she honoring proper etiquette? I don’t think it is right that OP has to pretend her concern isn’t valid on her wedding day. Maybe having this discussion with FI and family will be difficult but maybe it will lead to finally shining a light on this problem and putting a stop to her stealing. Until then, I wouldn’t risk inviting her.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite her but talk to your FI first.
Post # 9
@Cornflakegirl: I couldn’t possibly agree more.
I have strong beliefs that nobody gets an automatic invitation, anyway, but with something like this? Absolutely not. Etiquette isn’t everything. I love how it’s suddenly an absolute necessity once a wedding comes up, but the rest of the time, etiquette takes a back seat to common sense, legitimate concern for a person’s behavior, etc. The fact that it is a wedding doesn’t magically erase all of the bad things someone has done to the bride / groom. The wedding doesn’t exist inside of a bubble.
If it were me, I would not invite her. I would, of course, make that decision with my fiancé, as she’s his sister and not yours. But if he says okay, then I would have no hesitation. And I would not be afraid to make my case and my feelings very, very clear to my fiancé. If he agreed, and even if that meant I was given the cold shoulder by the rest of the family, fine. I do not abide toxic people in my life. I refuse. The only person for whom I would make an effort is my fiancé. For his sake only. If he felt strongly about having someone like that there, I would agree, but I would be very up front about how I would respond to negative behavior that day. But, as I said, if he agreed not to invite her, I’d take him up on it. There is absolutely no reason to pretend that you find her attitude and behavior acceptable, regardless of the occasion. Especially because she’s escalated to the point of attempting physical violence against you. Nope. No chance in hell.
Post # 10
@MexiPino: I agree. This is your fiance’s decision, not yours. Whatever he decides, you should back him. If he wants to invite her anyway, you certainly can’t veto it.
Post # 11
I’m not inviting either of my FI’s step sisters. and in your sitution given what you’ve said i definitely wouldn’t invite her.
Post # 12
Etiquette be damned if half your guests’ purses disappear during the night!
Post # 13
I would discuss it with your FI, but while you technically should invite her, it is completely understandable not inviting her, I wouldn’t want her there either! Although if your FI wants her there you should invite her and just make sure someone keeps an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t take anything.
Post # 14
I agree with the bees saying you need to discuss this with your FI and see how he feels about it. After all, it’s his sister.
Post # 15
She is your brother’s sister!!!!!!
and dont you dare metion it to your in laws because Honey i dont need to tell you who they are going to side with and you will start a war you cannot win.
Again She is your brother’s sister!!!!! We all have our dark side and all families have problems I am pretty sure they know she stills doesnt mean they want to talk about it. So dont bring it up for the sake of your relationship and health!!!! Like you said before it will turn on you and BADLY
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I wouldn’t invite her. Prepare yourself for major drama though.