(Closed) Do I HAVE to invite my future SIL??

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BB0117:  I’m sorry. This is unfortunate. I know some etiquette bees (who will know better than me) will tell you the exact reasons why you have to invite your SIL. But I’m sorry you do.

How will your future family take it if you don’t invite her? I don’t think you can just not invite immediate family members. If other family members are aware of this issue than maybe have one of them look after her, but otherwise I think you have to deal. Sorry 🙁

It’s a crappy situation to be in but you can’t control other people’s behavior, even at your own wedding.

Post # 4
Member
8487 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Etiquette be damned. I wouldnt. Thats just me though. 

Post # 5
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Have you asked your fi how he feels about it? Or his parents?

This is a sucky situation, but I wouldn’t want to ruffle any feathers with your in laws.

Post # 6
Member
7240 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Honestly, this is your FI’s call, not yours. It sucks beyond measure, but unfortunately family is family and you’re marrying FI’s family right along with him.

Post # 7
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@BB0117:  Nope! I would discuss with FI and not invite her…or hire an undercover cop…or give her the wrong address of the venue 5 hrs. away. I agree with allyfally. It is funny to me how the etiquette card is pulled so often when it comes to weddings as though we must suddenly forget common sense and applying that etiquette in the every day. What about this SiL’s criminal behavior toward the bride and her own family? Is she honoring proper etiquette? I don’t think it is right that OP has to pretend her concern isn’t valid on her wedding day. Maybe having this discussion with FI and family will be difficult but maybe it will lead to finally shining a light on this problem and putting a stop to her stealing. Until then, I wouldn’t risk inviting her.

Post # 8
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t invite her but talk to your FI first.

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cornflakegirl:  I couldn’t possibly agree more.

I have strong beliefs that nobody gets an automatic invitation, anyway, but with something like this? Absolutely not. Etiquette isn’t everything. I love how it’s suddenly an absolute necessity once a wedding comes up, but the rest of the time, etiquette takes a back seat to common sense, legitimate concern for a person’s behavior, etc. The fact that it is a wedding doesn’t magically erase all of the bad things someone has done to the bride / groom. The wedding doesn’t exist inside of a bubble. 

If it were me, I would not invite her. I would, of course, make that decision with my fiancé, as she’s his sister and not yours. But if he says okay, then I would have no hesitation. And I would not be afraid to make my case and my feelings very, very clear to my fiancé. If he agreed, and even if that meant I was given the cold shoulder by the rest of the family, fine. I do not abide toxic people in my life. I refuse. The only person for whom I would make an effort is my fiancé. For his sake only. If he felt strongly about having someone like that there, I would agree, but I would be very up front about how I would respond to negative behavior that day. But, as I said, if he agreed not to invite her, I’d take him up on it. There is absolutely no reason to pretend that you find her attitude and behavior acceptable, regardless of the occasion. Especially because she’s escalated to the point of attempting physical violence against you. Nope. No chance in hell.

Post # 10
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MexiPino:  I agree. This is your fiance’s decision, not yours. Whatever he decides, you should back him. If he wants to invite her anyway, you certainly can’t veto it.

Post # 11
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not inviting either of my FI’s step sisters. and in your sitution given what you’ve said i definitely wouldn’t invite her.

Post # 12
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Etiquette be damned if half your guests’ purses disappear during the night!

Post # 13
Member
9612 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would discuss it with your FI, but while you technically should invite her, it is completely understandable not inviting her, I wouldn’t want her there either! Although if your FI wants her there you should invite her and just make sure someone keeps an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t take anything.

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with the bees saying you need to discuss this with your FI and see how he feels about it. After all, it’s his sister.

Post # 15
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

She is your brother’s sister!!!!!!

and dont you dare metion it to your in laws because Honey i dont need to tell you who they are going to side with and you will start a war you cannot win.

Again She is your brother’s sister!!!!! We all have our dark side and all families have problems I am pretty sure they know she stills doesnt mean they want to talk about it. So dont bring it up for the sake of your relationship and health!!!! Like you said before it will turn on you and BADLY

Post # 16
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I wouldn’t invite her. Prepare yourself for major drama though.

 

The topic ‘Do I HAVE to invite my future SIL??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors