(Closed) Do I have to invite my sister’s husband’s parents??

posted 8 years ago in South East Asian
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

They won’t think it’s weird….kinda far removed IMO. your BIL’s parents? nah, skip. We invited DH’s BIL’s parents, but we see them all the time at family functions and they babysat the grandkids during the wedding. IF you won’t see them at family functions i wouldn’t even worry!

Post # 4
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

We invited my brother’s in-laws to our wedding. We spoke with them a lot though since he was married before me. I think it would be a nice gesture for you to invite them – especially b/c your mom is really big on inviting them too. If you feel uncomfortable though, you don’t HAVE to. I don’t think there’s any etiquette that you would have to.

Post # 5
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wouldn’t!

Post # 6
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

how big is your wedding? if it’s small, or there are other people you want to invite but can’t, i’d say skip it. we’re inviting my brother’s mil, but only because she’s pretty close to my parents and we’ve gone on family vacations with her. we aren’t inviting my brother’s fil because he and the mil are divorced and because, well, he’s a jerk! haha…

Post # 7
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know how you feel…  My MIL took the liberty and invited my FSIL’s BOYFRIEND’s parents, then asked us if it was ok.  We are only inviting close friends and family and apparently my FMIL is reall hoping to be family already with FSIL’s boyfriend’s parents…  Picture how annoyed I am right now.  Neither my FI nor I know this person and I’ve only met the boyfriend 2 times, too.  WTH….. 🙁 

Post # 8
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Depending on who’s paying, you may need to bite the bullet on this one and invite them.  Keep in mind that just because you’ve sent them an invitation doesn’t mean they will feel obliged to come – particularly if there’s travel involved.

Post # 10
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m with you, I don’t think you should have to invite them if you’re paying for the wedding yourself. My FI is Vietnamese, and I was blown away by the guest list his parents gave us when we first started planning. But they offered to pay for the whole reception, so I let them run with it. If I was paying myself I would definitely have had to put my foot down!

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ehh. I wouldn’t but it really would depend (for me) on how much your mom wants them to be there. Is she just being polite? In that case I’d just say my piece to her and be done with it. But if she really wants to include them into the family a lot more and it means a lot to her – well, it’ll be worth doing what you said and just waiting to see how many RSVP no’s you get before making a decision. What does your FH think?

Post # 13
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, actually my dad told me the same thing.  I’m vietnamese too and when he told me this I was in shock.  My sister said not to worry about it.  We got some weird customs.

 Oh, well is your FI’s family also vietnamese?  If so, they may be offended because they may expect it. If not don’t worry about it.

Oh, well just read your post again and yeah, don’t worry about it.  They would probably feel more weird going.  Or you could invite them and they might not come.

If you wanted to, you could just tell your parents that you sent them a invite but didn’t hear back from them.  That’s what I would do if my parents really tried to pressure me. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would go ahead and put your foot down if the same cultural rules do not apply. :o)

Post # 15
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m totally in the same situation.  My sister’s in-laws really want to come but I don’t really like them and am having a really small wedding.  I will invite them if I have space (B-list) but I don’t’ really want to.

Post # 16
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s definitely cultural.  We had a small destination wedding and are planning a larger reception at home right now.  We had every intention of inviting my husband’s brother’s in-laws to the reception, but our wedding was small, so we didn’t invite them.  (We were constantly facing questions of which other relatives were invited, so why would we invite his brother’s in-laws if we barely know them and they live halfway around the world from us and the wedding?)  They were apparently offended to not be invited because that’s what we’re supposed to do and it was a matter of respect.  Even though they had no intention of going.  We were NOT happy but invited them to the wedding because we were told they weren’t coming anyway and we didn’t want my husband’s brother facing the drama over it.  It would have never crossed my mind to invite them but apparently it was a big thing for them.  It would have been much harder for us if they wanted to go and we had this whole invite drama, because I couldn’t find any way to rationalize why they should be there over other people we actually know, who are also family.

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