Post # 1
My sister just got married last August and it was the first time meeting her husband’s parents, they are pretty snotty and I didnt care much about them. My mother just told me that in our culture (im Vietnamese) I had to invite them, I freaked out because I think its a big strange, i only met them once and probably will never see them again, do I really want to pay $100 each to be at my wedding? They are Caucasian , so will they think it was strange of me to invite them? Help please
Post # 3
They won’t think it’s weird….kinda far removed IMO. your BIL’s parents? nah, skip. We invited DH’s BIL’s parents, but we see them all the time at family functions and they babysat the grandkids during the wedding. IF you won’t see them at family functions i wouldn’t even worry!
Post # 4
We invited my brother’s in-laws to our wedding. We spoke with them a lot though since he was married before me. I think it would be a nice gesture for you to invite them – especially b/c your mom is really big on inviting them too. If you feel uncomfortable though, you don’t HAVE to. I don’t think there’s any etiquette that you would have to.
Post # 6
how big is your wedding? if it’s small, or there are other people you want to invite but can’t, i’d say skip it. we’re inviting my brother’s mil, but only because she’s pretty close to my parents and we’ve gone on family vacations with her. we aren’t inviting my brother’s fil because he and the mil are divorced and because, well, he’s a jerk! haha…
Post # 7
I know how you feel… My MIL took the liberty and invited my FSIL’s BOYFRIEND’s parents, then asked us if it was ok. We are only inviting close friends and family and apparently my FMIL is reall hoping to be family already with FSIL’s boyfriend’s parents… Picture how annoyed I am right now. Neither my FI nor I know this person and I’ve only met the boyfriend 2 times, too. WTH….. 🙁
Post # 8
Depending on who’s paying, you may need to bite the bullet on this one and invite them. Keep in mind that just because you’ve sent them an invitation doesn’t mean they will feel obliged to come – particularly if there’s travel involved.
Post # 9
We are paying for our wedding ourselves, everything! We are having about 80 people and that is after we had to cut our guest list down because of expenses. My mother knows this too and she is very stern about inviting them. She doesnt like my brother in law’s mother but yet still wants to invite them, doesnt make any sense to me. I look at it this way ‘they got married last August and did they think of inviting my in laws’? ‘No’, so it doesnt make sense to HAVE to invite them, even though its in my culture to do so, i’ve been in America all my life and we are very un-traditional in every aspect. If my mother was paying for the wedding, then I would say go right ahead.
Post # 10
I’m with you, I don’t think you should have to invite them if you’re paying for the wedding yourself. My FI is Vietnamese, and I was blown away by the guest list his parents gave us when we first started planning. But they offered to pay for the whole reception, so I let them run with it. If I was paying myself I would definitely have had to put my foot down!
Post # 11
In the Vietnamese culture, the GROOM pays for EVERYTHING! In the American culture the BRIDE’s parents pay, but nowadays nobody sticks to these rules. I guess we’ll have to see how many RSVP ‘no’s’ we get then if we have empty seats then we will send them invites just to be polite I guess
Post # 12
Ehh. I wouldn’t but it really would depend (for me) on how much your mom wants them to be there. Is she just being polite? In that case I’d just say my piece to her and be done with it. But if she really wants to include them into the family a lot more and it means a lot to her – well, it’ll be worth doing what you said and just waiting to see how many RSVP no’s you get before making a decision. What does your FH think?
Post # 13
Yeah, actually my dad told me the same thing. I’m vietnamese too and when he told me this I was in shock. My sister said not to worry about it. We got some weird customs.
Oh, well is your FI’s family also vietnamese? If so, they may be offended because they may expect it. If not don’t worry about it.
Oh, well just read your post again and yeah, don’t worry about it. They would probably feel more weird going. Or you could invite them and they might not come.
If you wanted to, you could just tell your parents that you sent them a invite but didn’t hear back from them. That’s what I would do if my parents really tried to pressure me.
Post # 14
I would go ahead and put your foot down if the same cultural rules do not apply. :o)
Post # 15
I’m totally in the same situation. My sister’s in-laws really want to come but I don’t really like them and am having a really small wedding. I will invite them if I have space (B-list) but I don’t’ really want to.
Post # 16
It’s definitely cultural. We had a small destination wedding and are planning a larger reception at home right now. We had every intention of inviting my husband’s brother’s in-laws to the reception, but our wedding was small, so we didn’t invite them. (We were constantly facing questions of which other relatives were invited, so why would we invite his brother’s in-laws if we barely know them and they live halfway around the world from us and the wedding?) They were apparently offended to not be invited because that’s what we’re supposed to do and it was a matter of respect. Even though they had no intention of going. We were NOT happy but invited them to the wedding because we were told they weren’t coming anyway and we didn’t want my husband’s brother facing the drama over it. It would have never crossed my mind to invite them but apparently it was a big thing for them. It would have been much harder for us if they wanted to go and we had this whole invite drama, because I couldn’t find any way to rationalize why they should be there over other people we actually know, who are also family.