Post # 1
I have a conundrum right now. I come from a large family on my mother’s side, and a small one on my father’s side. I have 4 surviving maternal aunts and uncles and one surviving paternal uncle. I get along very well with most of my mom’s family, with a few exceptions. I despise my paternal uncle because he is an unabashed dirt bag who threatened to shoot my father over having to share my grandmother’s time between two family events.
I also have a maternal uncle who threatened to have my mother arrested if she set foot on his property, because he was angry at his sisters for being upset about some shady dealings he had been involved in. I haven’t seen my cousins from either uncle in years and haven’t talked to either uncle in a few years. In addition, I have two cousins who have been perverts since they were children, and to this day will make completely inappropriate comments about my body if I give them the time of day.
My mother keeps telling me I have to invite everyone, including these uncles and my cousins, because it’s “the right thing to do,” and because at least one uncle won’t show anyway. I feel like, if they are threatening my family with bodily harm, they have no right to an invitation to be entertained on my dime. I also don’t really want to see my cousins, given our history.
My question is, would it be so wrong to invite the other aunts and family members and exclude these uncles who have been so selfish and aggressive? If they aren’t coming anyway, why should I bother with an invitation? I don’t want them there. But at the same time, I’m not a bitchy person by nature and I don’t want to create more dissension in the family.
Anyone else with a similar situation, or some kindly advice? Many thanks.
Post # 3
@AmyintheTARDIS: You don’t have to invite anyone you do not want to share the day with. Don’t get bullied (may be a bit strong) into inviting people who might make you regret it later. Good luck!
Post # 4
Also, SOOOO excited for my Christmas fix of the Doctor!
Post # 6
@AmyintheTARDIS: Is your Mom paying or contributing financially in any way? If so, then she does have a say in who’s invited. Additionally…
If they aren’t coming anyway, why should I bother with an invitation? I don’t want them there.
Because why exacerbate an already tense family rift? I’m sure you would hate for your wedding to cause further drama, right? If you’re pretty sure they won’t attend anyway (which I imagine they won’t given it’s been years since you’ve had any communication) then send the invite. If they do decide to attend, you can talk to your venue ahead of time to let them know who the bad seeds are OR hire security to keep everyone in line.
Post # 7
@JemmaWRX: free food tends to make the rift raft show up! Why does she have to risk it? How about she negotiate with her mom and invite them to her birthday party =0p
Post # 8
No! Anyone who has physically threatened you or your mother doesn’t get an invite. Who cares if they get upset, they don’t like you anyway.
For the cousins it’s not quite so clear cut, because “rude” is not as bad as “threatening”. I’m tempted to invite them anyway but it’s a tough call.
Under normal circumstances I say invite all family equally. But when threats or violence is involved, that is not normal circumstances.
Post # 9
Unless you’re mom is paying for a significant part of the wedding, I would put your foot down and say no! Threatening family members and pervy family members have no place at your wedding.
Post # 10
Dont invite them it’s your wedding meant to be spent with your loved ones not people you feel uncomfortable around
Post # 11
I say no you don’t. One of my mom’s sister is estranged from the family. She is not stable and has 2 children from 2 different men. She has always been angry at my mom and causes drama and problems for my mom and her 4 other siblings. She has NEVER attended any of my families weddings (including her closest sister and own sons.) of which she was invited. Over the years she tries to regain contact with the famiily but it always ends the same with her having some problem and blaming everyone else.
Since I haven’t seen her or her daughter I never invited them. We did however invite her son as we have been in contact over the last few years. Chances are she wouldn’t have come to mine but I wasn’t willing to take that chance as IF she did come it would have ruined my wedding and I wasn’t going to risk it. It was a great wedding and I am happy with all invite decisions we made.
Post # 12
Heck no, it’s a wedding, crazies shouldn’t be allowed.
Post # 13
@subtlebee: Really good point!
Post # 14
Hey everyone, thank you for your comments! The consensus seems to mostly be that I don’t need to invite them, and my fiance is in total agreement. I am now getting huge pressure from my mother, who is saying that my grandfather will be furious if I don’t invite her brother (the one who threatened to arrest her) and that my parents already blabbed the date to my other uncle (the one who threatened to shoot my father). She’s laying a guilt trip on about my grandfather and asking me to please, do this for her.
I have always been the family peacekeeper and the one who did whatever was needed to make everyone else happy, and right now I feel like she’s more worried about her father being upset and possibly refusing to come, than about who I want to be part of my day. I am not a selfish person, and I usually cave to this kind of pressure, but it’s really frustrating me right now that she is pushing it so hard, and if I continue to resist it’s going to be a big thing and somehow I’ll be the bad guy. Has anyone else gone through something like this?
Post # 16
@AmyintheTARDIS: #1- LOVE YOUR NAME, then looked up on NCIS to see River Song!
#2. I was always the family peace keeper. Don’t do it. It will kill your day and everything leading up to it. This is a day to begin the rest of your life, to begin your new family. You get to be an adult now… chose what YOU want. Do what will please YOU and YOUR FI… don’t let your family bully you….