Do I have to invite them?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

meshort2:  Are you inviting the children of other couples?

You have a right to have a child free wedding if you want, but it is important that the line be drawn consistently. If you are extending an invitation to other childrem then they should be included.

Normally if out of town children are not invited, parents have the option to leave them at home, arrange for a  sitter at the wedding location or decline the invitation.

Given that she is your MOH, I doubt that you want her to decline the invitation. If she is not comfortable with the other two options though, you would leave her with no choice.

Post # 3
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

meshort2:  if you are inviting children of other couples than yes. Otherwise its insulting not to include them. You can’t pick and choose which kids can come, its rude. 

If you are not having kids at the wedding other than a FG&RB, than no, you don’t have to invite them.

Post # 4
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

While you don’t “have” to invite the kids, be prepared for a whole lot of backlash on your decision not to.  If the couple is traveling 8+ hours to attend, and the kids are not old enough to stay home on their own, it certainly makes things very complicated for your MoH.  As MoH, she is supposed to be one of your most important friends, and she could also take this as a slight that you are not interested in meeting her potential blended family members, should things with her boyfriend progress.  Be flexible and understanding, and it might be a good idea to offer to help her find qualified child care in your area, or possibly even hire a babysitter to look after the kids actually at the reception site (rather than a babysitter who watches them in a hotel room nearby).

I don’t have kids but if I was dating someone who did, and I was invited with him to a wedding that took 8 hours travel to attend, I’d probably be pretty ticked off that the kids were not welcome. Especially if it were in a town where I didn’t know many people and couldn’t find a babysitter I trusted.

Post # 5
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You don’t have to invite them….but she’s travelling 8+ hours, has to stay overnight, she’s your MOH, and she can’t decline to attend.

I don’t know her financial situation or the age of the children, but you might be putting your MOH in a very difficult position. Just talk to her and work something out privately!  May you can find and pay for a babysitter with good references?  These might not be her children but she has some responsbility towards them.   

Post # 6
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

Maybe hire a sitter for the kids? She is the MOH so perhaps you can go a bit further for her than you would the average guest. I understand no kids at the wedding. The FI and I are doing that. I would talk to her.

Post # 7
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

meshort2:  They are HIS children, and you’ve never met them?  Let them stay home with their mother.  This is your right, and not rude in any way.

Post # 8
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

Kitty79:  Agreed… if they were her Children I’d say invite them. But I’m sure their mother will enjoy having them and Dad will enjoy a weekend away to enjoy your wedding!

Post # 9
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Do the kids live with the couple?  Or does he only see them every other weekend and for two weeks in the summer kinda thing?  I would tread carefully. There’s always backlash when you don’t let the children come!

Post # 10
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

meshort2:  Just because they’re all traveling doesn’t mean they are all attending the wedding. Just make clear your no kids policy. They Will hace to sort it out themselves.

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