(Closed) Do I HAVE to invite them…Please give your opinion…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Tell her more then the expected number of people replied so you dont have enough room for them

you should of sent them your STDS

Post # 4
Member
8473 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your relationship with them has changed since you first met.  You do not have to feel obligated to invite them just because you sent them save the dates.  I can understand how you feel, but anyone that talks sh*t about my SO will not be included on our day! (And you can tell them that!)

Post # 5
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Argh, what a frustrating situation – especially since they pretty much bullied themselves into the wedding. No chance you can move and then not send them an invitation? Because not giving them one and stay were you are not makes for some awkward encounters once they realise you backed down on the STDs.

Post # 6
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ugh, that’s a terrible situation. We just got engaged, and I made it clear to FI to not tell ANYONE that they are invited for sure until we have a set list. Like not even people he is SUREEE we will invite. Things change.

I agree with nikix. You definitely don’t want them there, you don’t really need to care if you hurt their feelings since they are awful, talking bad things about you both. But you should address it and just say, sorry but we aren’t able to invite you. They will probably know why.

 

Goodluck!

Post # 7
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think since you gave them STDs you kind of have to invite them. But, if you don’t care about ruining the relationship then do whatever you want. It may make for an awkward living situation though. 

I also think if you do “uninvite” them, you should say something in person to them, don’t just not send an invite.

Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you can’t stand them and don’t care about saving a relationship with them then what does it matter if you don’t invite them? I wouldn’t. It makes no sense to invite people to an important life event that you don’t care about nor do you want them there or care to be friends with them. if you DO want to be friends with them or save face then I guess you’re stuck inviting them. It’s up to you. Screw etiquette in this instance. Tell them you can’t accomodate as many people as you thought.

Post # 9
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We’re doing the same thing with FI’s roomate. Things have become pretty nasty between them in the past couple of months. 

I say if you don’t care what they think of you- don’t invite them.

Post # 10
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@FutureMrsClayshulte:  I would not invite someone who is talking crap about my SO.  If it were me, I would tell them the truth….and I probably wouldn’t be very nice about it.  If you don’t want them there, don’t invite them.  If they are talking crap about you now, you will know what to expect from them whether they are invited or not.  They don’t sound like they would be there for the right reasons anyways.

Post # 12
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@FutureMrsClayshulte:  I’d say do the proper thing and send the invitation.  If they got an STD then it means they get an invitation (unless the person went to jail or did something really really horrible).  There could be a chance that they don’t even go if the relationship is already strained.  I would think it’s taking the high road.

Post # 13
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wouldn’t send them an invite. If someone talks about me and my FI behind my back, then they don’t belong at my wedding.

Post # 14
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@Rubbs:  “Your relationship with them has changed since you first met.  You do not have to feel obligated to invite them just because you sent them save the dates.  I can understand how you feel, but anyone that talks sh*t about my SO will not be included on our day! (And you can tell them that!)

Exactly this!

I would not send them an invitation and if they had the balls to ask me why, I would simply tell them that people who talk crap about myself, my FI and our relationship, have no business being at our wedding.

Post # 15
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@FutureMrsClayshulte:  I would say, don’t invite them and don’t worry about it! Tell them that you are very sorry but there just isn’t space (or whatever excuse you want). Just realize, like a PP said, you will probably have some weird/uncomfortable encounters with the one who still lives next to you!

Post # 16
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob (comes with my career)

So I can tell you that technically… until one has an actual Invitation in hand they are not invited.

Save the Dates are a relatively new thing, and in the World of Etiquette they still  therefore have “little or no weight”

So I think you can consider yourself off the hook

Not to say that things might not get awkward at some point

“I haven’t seen my Invite as of yet ?” (if they are indeed as RUDE as you say they are, this could be a possible remark)

But I am sure you’ll be able to handle it

“Oh I’m sorry… in the end things changed… and we are having a smaller Wedding than we originally envisioned” (no lie there… maybe a little fib… but no outright lie)

Hope this helps,

 

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