Post # 1
Ok so last May my FI and I moved to a new town where we are having our wedding this summer… When we first moved in we started to make friends (or more like aquaintences) with the neighbors on both sides of us and they both asked to be invited to the wedding. I wasnt brave enough to say no and figured it couldnt hurt so I gave them save the dates… The two wifes who live on either sides of us are best friends with each other but my FI and I quickly learned that they are RUDE and we really cannot stand them….like at all! For one, I found out that they both get together and talk crap about my FI and I to our other neighbor and friend. They also both cheat on their husbands, smoke like chimney’s and cannot behave themselves when they go out and drink….Not that we are perfect neighbors but we really just dont like them. One of them recently moved across the country but is going to be back in town visiting the week of our wedding anyway and they are both planning on coming to the wedding.
So I know that since I gave them Save the dates, I have to give them invitations but we REALLY do not want them there nor do I want to pay the $100+ per person for them….
Is there anyway I can get out of inviting these women? I’m sure I already know the answer to this but I couldnt help but post..
Post # 3
Tell her more then the expected number of people replied so you dont have enough room for them
you should of sent them your STDS
Post # 4
Your relationship with them has changed since you first met. You do not have to feel obligated to invite them just because you sent them save the dates. I can understand how you feel, but anyone that talks sh*t about my SO will not be included on our day! (And you can tell them that!)
Post # 5
Argh, what a frustrating situation – especially since they pretty much bullied themselves into the wedding. No chance you can move and then not send them an invitation? Because not giving them one and stay were you are not makes for some awkward encounters once they realise you backed down on the STDs.
Post # 6
Ugh, that’s a terrible situation. We just got engaged, and I made it clear to FI to not tell ANYONE that they are invited for sure until we have a set list. Like not even people he is SUREEE we will invite. Things change.
I agree with nikix. You definitely don’t want them there, you don’t really need to care if you hurt their feelings since they are awful, talking bad things about you both. But you should address it and just say, sorry but we aren’t able to invite you. They will probably know why.
Post # 7
I think since you gave them STDs you kind of have to invite them. But, if you don’t care about ruining the relationship then do whatever you want. It may make for an awkward living situation though.
I also think if you do “uninvite” them, you should say something in person to them, don’t just not send an invite.
Post # 8
If you can’t stand them and don’t care about saving a relationship with them then what does it matter if you don’t invite them? I wouldn’t. It makes no sense to invite people to an important life event that you don’t care about nor do you want them there or care to be friends with them. if you DO want to be friends with them or save face then I guess you’re stuck inviting them. It’s up to you. Screw etiquette in this instance. Tell them you can’t accomodate as many people as you thought.
Post # 9
We’re doing the same thing with FI’s roomate. Things have become pretty nasty between them in the past couple of months.
I say if you don’t care what they think of you- don’t invite them.
Post # 10
@FutureMrsClayshulte: I would not invite someone who is talking crap about my SO. If it were me, I would tell them the truth….and I probably wouldn’t be very nice about it. If you don’t want them there, don’t invite them. If they are talking crap about you now, you will know what to expect from them whether they are invited or not. They don’t sound like they would be there for the right reasons anyways.
Post # 11
You are right i feel like they just want to go to drink and hang out with each other…sometimes they are nice but they are just being fake. But i guess I am guilty of that too. I want so bad to be nice and polite and I’m a total coward when it comes to confrontation… I truely wished I liked them but I really do not…
I wish there was a way to uninvite them politely…i feel like no matter what I say is going to result in a lot of neighborly akwardness…
@eocina I wish we could move! We love our house but the neighbors on either side of us are too awful…the one who moved rented her home out to a couple with four boys under the age of 5 who screem 24-7 and keep trying to climb our fence to throw things at our dog….dont get me wrong i LOOOOOOVE kids and she is trying her best but those boys are LOUD and very HYPER and our houses are very close to each other….and the people on the other side have the nastiest back yard in the world….ill actually be posting about that issue soon….
Post # 12
@FutureMrsClayshulte: I’d say do the proper thing and send the invitation. If they got an STD then it means they get an invitation (unless the person went to jail or did something really really horrible). There could be a chance that they don’t even go if the relationship is already strained. I would think it’s taking the high road.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t send them an invite. If someone talks about me and my FI behind my back, then they don’t belong at my wedding.
Post # 14
@Rubbs: “Your relationship with them has changed since you first met. You do not have to feel obligated to invite them just because you sent them save the dates. I can understand how you feel, but anyone that talks sh*t about my SO will not be included on our day! (And you can tell them that!)“
I would not send them an invitation and if they had the balls to ask me why, I would simply tell them that people who talk crap about myself, my FI and our relationship, have no business being at our wedding.
Post # 15
@FutureMrsClayshulte: I would say, don’t invite them and don’t worry about it! Tell them that you are very sorry but there just isn’t space (or whatever excuse you want). Just realize, like a PP said, you will probably have some weird/uncomfortable encounters with the one who still lives next to you!
Post # 16
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob (comes with my career)
So I can tell you that technically… until one has an actual Invitation in hand they are not invited.
Save the Dates are a relatively new thing, and in the World of Etiquette they still therefore have “little or no weight”
So I think you can consider yourself off the hook
Not to say that things might not get awkward at some point
“I haven’t seen my Invite as of yet ?” (if they are indeed as RUDE as you say they are, this could be a possible remark)
But I am sure you’ll be able to handle it
“Oh I’m sorry… in the end things changed… and we are having a smaller Wedding than we originally envisioned” (no lie there… maybe a little fib… but no outright lie)
Hope this helps,