Post # 1
Recently I bumped into a friend on the street whom I hadn’t seen for a while. We chatted briefly about both of our upcoming weddings and then said goodbye. Yesterday I got an email from her asking for my address for her wedding invitations. I was not expecting to be invited to her wedding, and I happen to know it’s taking place on the same day as my college roommate’s, so I won’t be able to attend. She was not on my invitation list, but now that I’m invited to her wedding, do I have to invite her to mine? I have similar problems with people whose wedding’s I’ve sung at (I’m a singer) and who then invited me to their reception.
What is the rule about reciprocation in terms of invites?? I am having a rather large wedding, but most of it is being taken up by family.
Post # 3
Do you WANT to invite her? Nothing says you have to, but if you like her, and have the room, why not?
And, even though you can’t attend hers, you could send her a nice card or gift.
Post # 4
Yikes, this is kind of a sticky situation. I know most people will say invite who you want to invite, but within my social circle, people go by the "if I invited you to my wedding, you better invite me to your wedding". But if you think you won’t run into her again then maybe you can get away with not inviting her and not having it be super awkward.
Post # 5
I guess the issue is not that I don’t WANT to invite her, it’s that our guest list is at 339 right now and 300 is our maximum. We’ve been trying to cut down our invites, but things like this keep happening!
Post # 6
I don’t think you have to invite her. If she is only a casual friend, and you probably won’t run into her again for awhile, you’re under no obligation. There are people whose weddings I went to a few years ago but who I didn’t invite to mine. We hadn’t spoken in years so I didn’t feel it was necessary to abide by the reciprocity rule, which is of course unofficial anyway.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t invite her if you are already having GL issues. If she mentions it, let her know that you had to be careful with the guest list.
Post # 8
Well, my FI and I have decided to do this when we get the "I’m invited to the wedding, right" question –which, by the way, I would NEVER do–
He tells people he has no idea that I’m in charge of the list and I tell people he is in charge of the list. Gets you off easy!
Post # 9
I think you should do what you want and what makes you happy. If you don’t want to invite her, don’t. 🙂
Post # 10
Only invite her if you really want her to be there. Don’t invite her just because she has invited you to her wedding.
Post # 11
The whole thing of "well she invited me so I have to invite her" is horrible. If your budget doesn’t allow then I hope you don’t feel like you should just because she did. I think this is closely related to "should I make so-and-so my MOH just because I was her MOH?" Answer is not necessarily. Do what you want. It’s your wedding!
Post # 12
My FI’s co-worker is getting married 2 weeks before us & yesterday he asked for our address (you know what that means). We had already discussed that we wouldn’t be inviting anyone from work because we don’t want to make people feel bad & we can’t afford to add 30 people to our guest count.
When weddings are concerned- You invite who you want. People shouldn’t be offended.