Post # 1
I’ve seen this asked before about sisters as bridesmaids, but my question revolves more around how young they are and I wasn’t sure if it still made a difference.
My SO and I both only have one sister each. They’re both significantly younger than us (14 and FSIL is 18). I get along with his sister, but we aren’t super close.
I only want 3 bridesmaids. I’m like 99% sure my sister won’t mind and doesn’t want to be a BM.
1) Do I have to ask his sister to be my bridesmaid?
2) Will it be weird if his sister is a bridesmaid and my sister isn’t?
3) A junior bridesmaid would be offensive to someone who is technically an adult, right?
Cons of asking FSIL to be my bm:
My BM and MOH love clothes and I know they’ll choose expensive dresses
FSIL can’t afford it; her parents would have to pay
She can’t help my other BMs throw a shower (no money or time), whereas a different BM could help more.
She lives too far to attend events with me or plan (she’s 10 hours away)
She’s too young to attend a bachelorette party (clubs here are 21+)
My own sister won’t be a BM
Post # 3
I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid but she is 34 🙂 I think that because she is young it shouldn’t be an issue. I think 14 is a suitable age for a junior bridesmaid though..
Post # 4
You are under no obligations to make anyone a bridesmaid, and reading your reasons for not picking her solidify the fact that it’ll be extremely difficult for her to participate in the way you want. Can you honor her in another way, maybe with a reading or something?
Post # 5
You do not have to make her one of your BM if you don’t want to. I would ask FH what he wants though. My FH is having my brother be a GM even though he never had met him but he knew I wanted him standing up with us.
Maybe you could have them do a different job?
Post # 6
If you don’t ask her to be a BM is there something you can do to involve her? Why aren’t you asking your sister? (just curious) I think the immediate family should be included in the wedding unless there are issues.
Post # 7
I’d mostly say no, but DON’T give her some pity job like guestbook attendant unless you absolutely know she will love it. I’ve had that done to me, and I wasn’t very happy. I would’ve prefered to have just been a guest.
Post # 7
What ages are great junior bridesmaid ages? I meant the 18 year old to be a junior bm, not the 14 year old.
Post # 8
If your own sister isn’t a BM, then it would be strange if your FSILs were BMs.
Post # 9
I think if you were making your sister a bm that it would be a nice gesture to also ask your FSIL, but you said your sister is not going to be a bm, so I don’t think you have to ask her.
As for your other “cons”… I don’t know if they are valid reasons to not make her a bm. I had bm that were states away from me but they still helped out when they could. The only valid reason that I see is that you aren’t making your sister a bm. The money issue, the bachelorette party issue, the distance issue, the helping out issue are things that can be adjusted for her circumstance.
Oh, also, what does your FI think? Does he think it would be nice to include his sister in the wedding party.
Post # 10
My sister and I aren’t close (the age difference thing) and she absolutely refuses to wear dresses. It’s just not her kind of thing to be a bm. She’ll be in all the pictures anyways so I don’t see it as a big deal.
Post # 11
I think it is more up to your FH than you to be honest :/ there is no reason why you and your 3 friends can’t go to a club to celebrate your wedding without her, and if he wants her in the wedding that is REALLY much more important than any of the reasons you listed in my opinion. I was a Jr bridesmaid at 14 and I was just honored to be in it, maybe she’ll feel the same way?
I have 3 brothers and they are all in it because of me even though they are guys, and I would be really sad if they weren’t included because my FI didn’t want them. I am also having his sister because I would love to get closer to his family, she seems amazing! But she also lives hours away and won’t be able to attend many of the bridesmaid-y events.
Weddings are really a short period of time, but pictures and memories within family last for the rest of your life.
Post # 12
His sister is 18, not 14. Isn’t 18 old for a junior bm?
Post # 13
My own sister won’t be a BM
That would make me say no, make your own sister a BM over her. If your FI wants her in your wedding, she can stand on his side. Your sisters take precedence, IMO, when you’re talking about “your” side versus “his” side.
The 14 year old could be a junior bridesmaid.
Post # 14
OH, I got confused… yeah… I would say that is too old for a JR Bridesmaid. I think you have to talk to your FI and see how important having her stand up for him is and how close they are.
If they aren’t close, no biggie! If they are, I think you have to respect his wishes and only include her in the pre-wedding parties when you WANT her there. Maybe have a tame Bachelorette party with her and then go off with your girls for the real party later?
Sorry that’s a toughy.
Post # 15
If she can’t buy her wedding stuff or split shower costs with my other BMs, will I have to pay for it all?