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I'm going through the RSVPing part of my wedding and if a card and envelope are provided please use them. We sent out 180 invitations and only recieved 100 RSVPs back. Some people have told my dad they are coming others have left me text messages, but guess what? When I called them to confirm, sometimes only one person was coming instead of two, or they were planning on bringing their in law who is in town, etc. Once it's committed to paper it's harder to make mistakes.
I think it's proper etiquette that if you receive an RSVP, then you should definitely respond back in kind, so, yes, do mail back the RSVP card. The ones I have received already have postage on them, and I think it is the kind thing to do.
In your example above you say that you see the person regularly, so could you just vocalize your RSVP. I say you shouldn't do it that way. Sometimes, the person that invited you are not the ones that are physically receiving the RSVPs. Also, if a person, who you see regularly, goes to the trouble of physically sending you an invite, I think you should go to the trouble of physically sending them the RSVP. Now, if they had just handed the invite to you at work, then I would just hand my RSVP back to them if I knew that they were the person collecting the RSVPs.
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I'm assuming you received an RSVP in the invitation without a stamp.
Therefore, I would give the RSVP to your friend in person. You know him/her, he/she knows you. Hand it to them with warm thanks (and apologies if you can't make it). The person will know where it needs to go, and it's probably just as if not more reliable than the post office.
However, I thought that the invitation was supposed to included a stamped RSVP. Then you wouldn't have to worry about it. Just pop it in the mail. I plan to hand deliver any invitation I can to save stamps, but will still stamp the RSVP. Just a thought...
I sent out my invitations the beginning of January, went out out of my way to get stamps from another country so they could send back the postcard. I sent out 120 invitaions and I have only received 35 back and the deadline was 3/3/09. The wedding is out of the country, at a location were I have to rent everything and it is in May. So I feel once its on paper and you said you are coming basically that means your ticket is booked and you are coming. As per my sister the RSVP Postcards were to pretty so people don't what to send it back. My comment, why would I waste my money and put a stamp on it if I didn't want it back.
I think all of the responses are acceptable-I wouldn't make my maid of honor or someone mail it if they don't want to, but I did put stamps on them so that they would do it and there is nothing I like better than receiving MAIL (as in snail-mail). I wouldn't be heartbroken if somenoe just says I they and their SO will be coming, but there is a thrill involved with getting the RSVPs.
I'm going to go ahead and voice a minority opinion... I don't think that you HAVE to physically RSVP. I think that telling your friend in person that you are coming, and making it clear that your conversation is your RSVP, is an option. I hope that as a bride I can be excited about guests coming regardless of how they RSVP. That said, I think that it is much nicer and more considerate if you return the actual RSVP card to them.
All of my close friends and family wrote messages for me and my FH on the respons cards. I plan on putting them in a scrapbook or album.
You have to keep in mind that the bride and groom are trying to keep track of lots of these things. I generally mail the response card back but I think it is fine to email a detailed response as well if you don't use mailboxes too often.
I'm iffy on handing the response card back in person depending on circumstances-- you want to make sure they have a convenient way to carry it back to their response sorting area. For example, I wouldn't hand it over at Happy Hour in a crowded bar when the bride's purse is on the other side of the room. If you're stopping by their house or seeing them at work and they're not totally distracted, it's fine.
PS: If you reply via email, make sure you answer *every* question!
I think if someone goes to the trouble of sending you a response card then you are obligated to return it to them filled out. People usually use those cards to keep track of their rsvp'd guests, and if you have rsvp'd in another way (verbally, email, etc.) then your response may get lost in the shuffle. And I think it's rude to respond not on the card (unless you've lost it or something, and then what can you do) because it sort of sends the message that you think you're so important you don't have to play by the rules....
The majority of my friends never turned in their rsvp cards for my wedding (in addition to about 30 extraneous relatives). It made me so mad! I knew my friends were all coming, but it really bothered me that I had those cards made and stamped etc. and then that they did nothing with them for me. All I asked for was a little check mark in a blank and then to seal the envelope and put it in the mailbox, since it was already stamped. It felt so inconsiderate that they could'n't do this for me. Grr.
If you're going to see your friend though, I don't see anything wrong with returning it to them in person and saving buying a stamp. Assuming of course that they are the one collecting the rsvp cards, and not say, the mother of the bride, which is sometimes the case.
Please please please just return that bugger through the mail, especially if it has a stamp on it. What, you thought it was included just to complete the ensemble? That the couple just wanted to spend an extra fifty bucks on stamps just to help the post office stay in business? I love getting the lil'guys in the mail even when I already know if the guests are coming or not, and they all get put in a pretty box, and then some day I will do something fabulous with them.
Just do the right thing, okay?
I think, as a hostess, I would like to have written confirmation of an rsvp. Which is why I chose both the 1st and 3rd options. Because sometimes I have a lot on my mind and I may forget that you said you were coming. And I would feel awkward if I had to ask you more than once if you were coming.
I think anything is ok, but with a million things going on it is quite possible for your friend to forget your RSVP if it isn't phsyically sent it. I think is fine and "Acceptable" to tell someone in person, it just makes the logistics harder on their end if they have to remember the conversation or to find the email you sent vs. a stack of easy to organize cards! If they included a physical card, it was likely already stamped, so why waste the money they spent on both? I would always err on sending in the physical RSVP - and like Chela said, the notes are nice keepsakes.
For me, I always return the actual card by mail. I think a bride (and groom) has so much on her plate, that the reply cards are the best way to organize people's responses. I know I'm planning on using our replies to track responses and organize seating. With everything else going on, I'm not sure I would remember to include information from a friend who just verbally told me or emailed their response.
The couple sending the invitation asked kindly for an RSVP for reasons you might not know. Someone else might be handling that part of the wedding or they will do somethign funky with your RSVP card, or they simply want a physical record of your acceptance/decline.
We should always follow the protocol asked by the couple.
I am going green for my wedding! RSVP via email, I made a gmail account just for the wedding :) This way when people respond, I can set up an out of office, or automatic reply with links to directions, schedule information, etc. People can print things on their own! I think its green and easy, as most people who are invited to our wedding are comfortable with that.
I would tell the friend in person, but also ask them if they want the physical RSVP. They might be planning to put their rsvps in a scrapbook, or perhaps they are using them to keep a visual track on who's coming. It's a nice excuse to send them a personal note, too.
I think making sure that RSVP gets to the right person is a MUST. I have a friend who was in the wedding party (groomsman) his invite was addressed to him and his girlfriend. He figured that the couple knew he would be there with the girlfriend since after all he was a groomsman. But the couple only reserved a seat for the groomsman and not his girlfriend. And the groomsman had told the groom on many occasions that they would both be coming but the groom never told the bride (the one who was in charge of seating arrangements).
I think that if there is a physical RSVP card and no option to RSVP online, then the physical card needs to be returned either by mail or by hand. We did online RSVP for our wedding, but at work I plan 2 banquets each year for large groups of students -- 100 or more, and we use physical RSVP. We do this because when I am counting the totals and making the guest list I need to have everything in one place, I can't be having to check my email for people who sent their RSVP to me that way and I can't be searching my memory for someone who may have said it in passing. It is courtesy.
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If the RSVP included a stamp to be returned, then I think it must be returned via mail. I think it's rude that if the person went through the hassle to include stamps for the RSVPs and you don't send it back.
However, if a stamp wasn't included, then I think giving them back to the person when you see them would be acceptable.
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I would go for sending in a physical RSVP. Getting the RSVP back in the mail ensures that you will be added to the list of attendees and also gives the bride and groom a better estimate of how many guests will attend. Verbal confirmation can sometimes be forgotten and there can be miscommunication involved as well.
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I would think that your friend would remember to add you if you told them in person! I think ANY of the above methods are ok!! (I wouldn't expect my friends to waste a stamp if they see me everyday!!) However, if your plus one is Mr. or Mrs. Xczynskigfpsdnjdfhjfydudfkopf...you might want to RSVP in some written form to ensure their name is spelled correctly on the placecards!
I voted for all options except for verbal confirmation - I think it's easier to keep track of information if it is written down somewhere. In addition, I try to at least give the completed RSVP card back, even if I just hand it to them in person (in the unsealed original envelope, so they can have the stamp back in case they want it for some reason), to make sure I've answered all of their questions at the very least. Also I like to write a little note on the RSVP - some brides collect these for scrapbooking, and so forth.
I would say that the "green" thing to do would be to hand it to them in person. This will save the mailman his gas delivering something that you could just deliver when you saw the person. It would also be helpful to have the actual RSVP when it comes time to counting guests. You wouldn't want to be forgotten
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What about if there is an RSVP online option? Several of my friends have had this, and we are planning on it as well. Or is this actually a situation (not hypothetical).
I agree with the RSVP online option. While there are some nice tree free and recycled paper options, not wasting the energy to have an extra RSVP card and envelope seems the best to me. But I think it is useful to respond in a written way, whether that be email, online rsvp, or reply card.
IMO, there should always be a tangible RSVP returned by any guest invited. Whether through snail mail, or hand delivered.
During my planning process....I couldn't get over how many people thought a "oh yeah, we're probably coming. Mark us down," was acceptable. We stamped the return envelope for a reason! At least have the decency to respond accordingly. I am sure we wasted about 40% of our stamps!! (Which sort of irks me, in today's economic state and our overall financial burden with the wedding...)
I'm from a small Southern town where most weddings are open church (*gasp*) and I'm preparing myself for people who don't understand the RSVP process. If you understand it, do it! It makes things lots easier on everyone.
Fill out the card, but I think its OK to hand it to the person in person. I found this slightly annoying because I'd get random RSVPs in my purse and put them somewhere and forget about them, but my irresponsibility should not hinder my guest's desire to just hand the card over to me rather than mail it (even though i put the stamps on the RSVPs already). But by all means, fill out the card! Email/verbal is a little annoying, and plus, I think people feel less commited if they drop an email/phonecall than they do if they physically write "I WILL BE THERE".
Random side note, one my parents friends went on vacation to austrailia, so they brought their RSVP to australia, put australian stamps on it, and mailed it to us. I thought that was cute. :)
If they send me an RSVP card to use, I assume they want me to use it! Either mail it asked asked or hand it over in person. Note that if the mailing address is not to their house - maybe the MOB's house - you should probably mail it instead of handing it to the bride.
If the couple requests you respond via an online portal, via telephone, text, or email then do that.
I think it's a pretty well known fact that the logistics of guests at weddings are complicated. If you don't use the system put in place you are putting an extra burden on your friend.
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I think it's impolite not to return the actual RSVP card in some fashion, whether by mail or in person. Telling someone isn't very reliable, especially if it's a huge wedding, and email seems too casual. I will probably use RSVP cards to do seating and to keep track of who is coming and who isn't, so having the filled-out card in my hands will be important.
I think it is rude not to RSVP with the invite via mail. I personally think it looks very cheap if the bride and groom/parents of the bride do not put a return of postage stamp on the envelope. But if they didn't I would be happy to put my $.42 cents towards their wedding. I mean they are spending thousands and you want to save $.42- that's just plain rude.
Unless your friend is the one keeping track of the RSVPs, I wouldn't trust your friend to convey the RSVP (verbal or physical) to the person who is.
Verbal is particularly bad because your friend might not remember your meal preference or your RSVP number if it's not written down.
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If the bride and groom bothered to get RSVP cards, fill them out. If they stamped the cards, send them. Those aren't just for show!
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I would also send a RSVP card back. Verbal would be a no no. What if all your guests just called you to RSVP?? It would be a little chaotic to remember. (Wait where did I put my tally sheet? ANd was that beef or salmon?)
As for e-mail. That wouldn't be bad, but I think there is a chance for forgetting to answer all questions.
As for handing in person, if the RSVP did not come stamped, go ahead a hand it. It should have been stamped, if they truly wanted it mailed. If it did have a stamp, I think you should mail it.
I think just throwing it back in the mail is the easiest, even than e-mail and handing it. When you first open the invitation the RSVP is right in front of you. Grab a pen and fill it out. Put it in the mailbox the next time your there, which is really everyday.
Take the lead from the invite! I think it is a good idea to return the RSVP in the form it was intended. If there was a prepared one for you to fill out and send back, it would be most polite to do so. If they give other options, though, you can opt for one of those. If there was no RSVP card The Posts say to hand-write a letter with your response, but, really, who does that now-a-days? In that case, it would probably be acceptable to give your friend a call or do it in person, verifying with this person that it is the best way to do it.
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When we sent out our invitations, we paid for the stamps that went on the RSVP envelopes. The way I see it, if I shelled out the 42 cents for the stamp, the least you can do is scribble our name and number attending and stick it in the mailbox. (Is it obvious we're still waiting on the vast majority of our RSVP cards and they're due in less than a week?)
Most invitations come pre-stamped, so it really isn't an inconvenience to mail them back. Also, I think it's easier on the person receiving the replies to keep track that way and stay organized.
I included stamps on all of my RSVP envelopes, so it actually irked me a little when someone handed me the RSVP. I felt as if I had wasted a stamp on them since I had already stuck it to the envelop and clearly wasn't going to be sending anything to myself. If no stamp was included, then I think it's fine to hand it to the bride or groom. But I would definitely do it on the response card. I had similar situations that the other bees had...people telling me that they were coming, but only one person came, etc.
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Ok, quick "hypothetical".
Say I have a long time friend who gets engaged... and sends me a wedding invite (made of paper, not electrons).
Now let us further speculate that I see my friend regularly, both socially and professionally.
Which of the following is an acceptable method of RSVP'ing? You can vote on more than one choice...
ps Please explain your answer below!
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